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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409591">Maybe It Should Have Been Different</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verseau_87/pseuds/Verseau_87'>Verseau_87</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Drama, Anxiety, Attempted Murder, Blood and Injury, Brain Damage, Depression, Details of sexual assault, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Fear, Friendship, Hate Crimes, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Living Together, Loss of Control, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Side Effects, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:01:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>44,175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409591</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verseau_87/pseuds/Verseau_87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and his family and friends deal with the aftermath of a horrific attack. Can someone recover from something this violent and come out unchanged? They don't think so...but is it possible?</p><p>Sometimes strength and love can do anything...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Is this the end?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok!</p><p>So i've decided to go in a completely different a dark direction for a new fic...but please don't hate me.</p><p>Essentially this is a recovery fic, with some other minor plot points thrown in sometimes. I had always wanted to write something that shows strength and courage, even when the whole world seems against you. So bare with me, while i get this thing together. </p><p>And here we go...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It didn't make any sense. It was cold. There was something wet falling on his face, his skin. He was cold.</p><p>Was he laying in a puddle?</p><p>All the warmth seemed to be far from his grip. He tried to move his head, to be able to see where he was, but a sharp pain in his neck and chest stopped him. He tried to gasp, but everything hurt.</p><p>He now could feel the state of his body, his entire being was one big ball of pain.</p><p>He couldn't figure out where he was, and only then did he realize that he couldn't see. His vision was totally blank, not black, just blank.</p><p>He could hear the wind and the spattering of rain, and some kind of rushing, wheezing sound.</p><p>It hit his brain like a punch in the head, he was outside, and injured.</p><p>But anymore than that he couldn't seem to grasp. He took a quick count of injuries he could feel, his head ached, his face hurt, he couldn't see, he could only hear out of one ear when he really concentrated. He didn't know if that was because his head was on its side, his whole equilibrium was off kilter.</p><p>He didn't move, but as he ran through his entire bodily functions within his head, he could now feel everything. His chest hurt, and was that his heart he could feel beating? His arms felt twisted, he didn't move them...his mind was so fuzzy he physically couldn't move them.</p><p>His entire abdominal area felt on fire, like someone had been holding a flame to it, over and over, and it didn't ease as he felt around his body within his head. His hips felt like they had weights sitting on them, and he didn't want to move to find out why.</p><p>His legs were just like his arms, they seemed wrong to him, the bones felt wrong. Maybe broken? And he could feel he was bleeding, but couldn't pinpoint the trickle of warmth from anywhere on his person. </p><p>And even though he wasn't moving, he felt extremely dizzy, like he had been on a fairground ride, spinning, over and over and over again until he felt like his entire head was turning on its own.</p><p>His throat was dry and it was starting to hurt, he attempted to swallow but the inside of his mouth burned and he gasped again, but the gasp of breath felt more like a stab. The pain flared over his entire body for a while and he choked and gasped more, but that only caused more painful jolts.</p><p>He stopped gasping, his chest aching with it.</p><p>He had no idea what had occurred. And somewhere in his mind was a calming feeling. Like maybe this is the end. And he wanted it to end, how he wanted it to end.</p><p>The confusion was getting to him, and the blank vision did nothing to alleviate that. </p><p>He decided to wait...waiting for something, anything to happen. Waiting for a noise? Waiting for a thought? An action?</p><p>He could feel the rain soaking through his clothes, if he even had clothes. He couldn't feel them. Maybe he didn't.</p><p>He couldn't check, he had willed a hand to flinch, trying to see if it still functioned but his mind was weak, and he couldn't focus on a hand, didn't even have the brain power to see his muscles and bones. His nerves were completed fried, and tired.</p><p>He was so, so tired.</p><p>His thoughts drifted to his dad. </p><p>Had he told his dad he loved him today? He didn't even know what day it was. Or how long he had been here...wherever he was.</p><p>He always made a point of telling his father he loved him everyday, even when he didn't see him that morning on the way to school. He would call him at lunch, making sure his father was eating healthily, and then telling him he would see him later and that he loved him before going back to lunch with his friends.</p><p>His friends. </p><p>Rachel, Tina, Mercedes, Brittany...he wondered what they were doing right now. Did he see them today? Did he laugh with them, talk to them, sing with them. He didn't know if he did, but he could only imagine he has, they always did that. Being in Glee club together had made sure that they had become fast friends.</p><p>Rachel was probably with Finn now.</p><p>Finn, his step brother. </p><p>His thoughts drifted away from Finn and settled on something else. </p><p>Blaine.</p><p>His boyfriend. </p><p>It almost brought a smile to his face, but he couldn't even feel his face right now, so he didn't know if he was smiling outside or inside. Probably inside. His brain wasn't sending any signals to move his muscles now.</p><p>He was tired.</p><p>Where was Blaine?</p><p>Where was he?</p><p>His mind was drifting, he felt like he was floating. </p><p>He could still feel the rain, spattering against his skin and face and still hear noises of the wind, and that rushing wheezing noise. He was still confused and he still couldn't see. </p><p>Everything was drifting, as if he were underwater, when your hearing becomes harder. And he only had one ear to hear out of. </p><p>He could smell a tang in the air, like a metallic smell, through the little amount of air he could breathe in through his nose. But it was getting harder to focus on, and everything seemed like it was shifting. He was cold, wet and so so tired.</p><p>He couldn't think, he couldn't understand a single thing. And it was in fact very calming, instead of frightening. He had never felt this disconnected before. It wasn't at all daunting to him.</p><p>It was actually very nice. But all of a sudden there was a noise. It sounded so far away, and really out of focus. He couldn't make out if it was the wind, an animal or a voice.</p><p>But whatever it was, he could hear it. He didn't understand if it was getting closer or further away, his tired mind couldn't make sense out of anything right now. </p><p>There was a shift in the air, and noises again that he couldn't understand. </p><p>Was that somebody talking? He couldn't tell but it sounded like it. But it was too far away from him to make out properly. He was still drifting, but he was getting colder, he could feel the shivers starting in his back. </p><p>Something touched him, and even though he couldn't see anything but the blank nothingness, a light flashed in his vision, and it hurt his head a little. He would have groaned in pain, but he didn't have the energy or coordination.</p><p>He tried to focus on the muffled voices that suddenly surrounded him, but they still sounded too far away and blurred. He couldn't make them out.</p><p>The voices were deep. There was a touch on his skin, something dry and gentle, it covered him. A touch underneath his jaw made him open his eyes and blink, even though he couldn't see. Just that small movement though made his entire body ache.</p><p>He was so tired and his head hurt. Everything hurt.</p><p>The air moved in front of his face, he could have sworn it had to be wind, but it disturbed the air three times, and then disappeared. There was a voice closer now. His ear picking up the low tone.</p><p>It was quiet, almost whispering, but distinctive.</p><p>"Kurt.....hear me?" </p><p>His foggy mind had trouble making out a sentence.</p><p>"Kur-...can....me?"</p><p>What-? Blaine? Was that Blaine?</p><p>Why was Blaine here? He didn't understand. If Blaine was here then why wasn't he helping him. He loved him right? He should be helping him.</p><p>There was light in his eyes again, and his head felt like it was splitting from pain, he just wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted the pain to go away.</p><p>He wanted to go away.</p><p>Maybe he should.</p><p>Is this the end?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Everything Is A Mess</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you sure Dave was telling the truth?" Blaine asked frantically as he clambered out of Puck's truck with Sam, both of them armed with flashlights, ready for searching the dense woods surrounding the road that headed out of Lima.</p><p>"Why would he lie, i thought he and Hummel sorted their differences?" Puck retaliated in that same desperate tone as he exited his drivers side, brandishing his own flashlight, before they all started heading into the thick of the trees.</p><p>"Still don't trust the guy." Blaine added with a scowl and Puck huffed at him.</p><p>"Kurt said they were getting along fine." He argued back and Blaine glared at him, before Sam stepped in between them.</p><p>"Guys, stop arguing, let's just start looking alright?" Sam said as he glared at both of his friends, and proceeded ahead of them into the trees, Blaine and Puck for now, calling a truce to follow.</p><p>It was cold tonight, and Blaine hoped that if Kurt was out here, they could find him quickly.</p><p>Their main objective was to find Kurt.</p><p>Blaine had cried in fear and helplessness earlier tonight, when Puck had called him and told him some terrible news. Dave Karofsky, at lunch with a couple of other guys, had overheard a conversation in the cafeteria of his new high school that afternoon.</p><p>Apparently, there were four hockey guys sitting around a small table in the lunch room, laughing and joking together about something, Dave had tried hard not to listen in but they had mentioned something really strange. It had fell on his ears loud and clear, even as the rest of the conversation was blurred.</p><p>'That fruity fag in that glee club, who was a cheerleader for a little while and then a football player'. Dave knew exactly who that was. Hummel.</p><p>Dave had tried to tune into the conversation from two tables away, and left his friends sitting in conversation of their own for a few minutes.</p><p>These guys had then mentioned rope, a wooded area and a mission. It had confused Dave at first, until their next line.</p><p>"...would teach that little fairy headed faggot a lesson he won't forget."</p><p>"We should probably get the boyfriend too?"</p><p>"Yeah, maybe it would send a message to all of them. They should know their place." One had answered with a sneer and then Dave had picked out some more details that made him disgusted before they all left, laughing amongst their group and high fiving each other at the door.</p><p>Dave tried to put the pieces together quickly. And sitting with his friends, joining their conversation that afternoon, it plagued him enough that when the end of football practice came and he was headed home, and even though he hadn't spoken to the other guy since he changed schools, he had called Puck.</p><p>Puck had gotten as many details as he could from Dave, before calling Sam, who in turn called Blaine. They both had given Blaine enough details of the conversation to make him extremely worried. Kurt had said he would be busy that night, so he wasn't with Blaine right now.</p><p>Blaine had called Kurt's phone, and Kurt always answers, even when he's busy, but it went to voicemail, which made Blaine a little more worried. After trying a couple of times, he called Finn, who wasn't at home. He was with Rachel and hadn't seen Kurt since Glee. He called Burt, who told him he hadn't seen him since he went to Mercedes' house.</p><p>Blaine had then frantically called Mercedes, and she had said the three words that made his face go pale.</p><p>"He's not here."</p><p>"Mercedes, was he going anywhere before he got to yours?" He asked a little more worriedly, the situation surrounding the disappearance of his boyfriend now very serious.</p><p>"No, he said he was walking over."</p><p>"Walking?" </p><p>"Yeah, he only lives two blocks from me." She said as explanation and before she could ask what was wrong, Blaine hung up. </p><p>And his worry sky rocketed so much, that he went to his bathroom to bring up his dinner, his entire stomach hurt with so much tension.</p><p>He called Kurt again. Voicemail. Shit.</p><p>He called Sam back then and told him, Sam had exclaimed a really obscene and angry sounding "Fuck!" in his ear before hanging up and calling Puck. Blaine was already speeding from his house in his car, when Sam called back and told him that he and Puck were going to go and search.</p><p>Blaine made it to Lima in record time, running a few red lights along his way with his speed, but he didn't really care all that much for road safety right in that moment.</p><p>He sped into Lima, and drove through Kurt's neighbourhood first, before meeting up with Puck who had told him to meet at the school and they would go together and find Kurt, with the details David had given them about where exactly he would be.</p><p>Now in the woods Dave had said he heard the guys mumbling about in the cafeteria, he was really starting to fear that Kurt was never going to be found, or worse they would find him in a scenario that he couldn't even stomach right now. Puck had brought the flashlights and the blankets, first aid kit and everything. Blaine felt too nervous to be thinking clearly. His only thought was Kurt. </p><p>Gotta find Kurt.</p><p>"Kurt!" </p><p>That's all they were shouting, for about 40 minutes now. Puck, Sam and Blaine had split up, but not too far so that they could still call each other if they found anything. If they found Kurt.</p><p>Blaine was focused on finding Kurt, so much so, that he had fallen over a few times and had scraped one of his palms pretty badly. He had yelled out when it happened, his hand stinging and the blood flowing down his fingers from the cut. </p><p>Sam stumbled his way through the trees and asked if he was alright, pointing his flashlight in Blaine's face. He only gave a short nod in reply, biting his lips and trying to ignore the pain as best he could.</p><p>They carried on searching. The rain coming down hard and making the wooded ground slippery to walk on. They covered a lot of ground together, but still had come up empty handed. Not one sign of Kurt.</p><p>They had come through the woods and out to the other side, and Puck decided that maybe they should sweep the field that was next to it on their way back to the truck. They all agreed, terrified faces all the same in the beam of their flashlights.</p><p>The ground in the field was rocky and slushy with rain, and most of it was so uneven that Sam and Blaine both stumbled a few more times. Puck only rolled his eyes at them before trudging onward. It had been about an hour and a half now of searching.</p><p>Blaine had started to lose all hope of finding his beloved boyfriend and he could feel the frustrated tears falling down his face. Although you couldn't tell because of the amount of rain now. He was about to call again when Sam's flashlight caught a glint of something shiny and he called to them.</p><p>They all ran to look at what he had found and Blaine swallowed hard as he looked upon the object.</p><p>Kurt's phone. Smashed screen and mud clogged, but he knew it was Kurt's because there was a sticker on the back with 'Wicked' plastered across it.</p><p>"Kurt!" Puck had yelled after Blaine had took the device from Sam and put it in his pocket. </p><p>They all flung themselves in different directions, yelling his name at the top of their lungs.</p><p>"Kurt!?"</p><p>"Kurt, where are you?!"</p><p>Their voices were starting to sound more and more frantic and afraid as they moved. Blaine moved swiftly through the dark field, but was careful as he went, his flashlight shining on the ground in front of him and around him. </p><p>He could see Sam's and Puck's lights out of the corner of both eyes, and the yelling was starting to mingle together. He and Sam continued to yell for a few more minutes, but soon realized that Puck's voice was not joining theirs.</p><p>They both stopped to stare at each other before turning their flashlights in Puck's direction. He was standing very still about 5 metres away from where Blaine was, and was looking at something with tense shoulders. </p><p>"Sam! Blaine!" He called for them and it shocked Blaine so much that he jumped and slipped on the mud a little before he started running to him, Sam in tow next to him.</p><p>Blaine was afraid of what he would see as he approached Puck's side, but nothing could prepare him for this.</p><p>"Oh my god!" His eyes were wide and he could see Kurt laying in what seemed to be a puddle, although on closer inspection, it seemed to be a puddle of blood, although it was mixing with the mud and rain now.</p><p>He turned and gagged for a moment, he hated the sight of blood. But especially because it was blood from his boyfriend. He collected his strength, and pushed his own fear to the back of his mind as he heard Puck giving them instructions.</p><p>"Sam, go up to the truck, get some blankets, and call 911," Puck said as he fell to his knees, taking off his jacket and placing it gently over Kurt, "Blaine i need you to help me."</p><p>Sam took off like a shot, his light disappearing back into the trees quickly. Blaine kneeled down on the other side of Kurt, and steeled his gaze and looked up at Puck.</p><p>"I need you to hold both flashlights on Kurt ok?" He said as he handed Blaine his own flashlight, and Blaine's hand shook as he took it.</p><p>As he turned both flashlights on Kurt's battered and bloody body, he dry heaved again, his stomach in knots, and tore his gaze away again, not wanting to see his boyfriend in such a mess.</p><p>"Hey!" Puck's demanding voice made him jolt and look back at him, he could tell that Puck was afraid too, but he was also very seriously glaring at Blaine right now, "I need you to concentrate Blaine, i need you to hold those flashlights on Kurt, to make sure i don't hurt him while i check him over."</p><p>Blaine looked back down at Kurt, and tears filled his eyes, but Puck's sharp jab at his face made him quickly hold back his emotions.</p><p>"I need you to use whatever you have to keep calm and steady and hold those lights on him, right?" He said again, and Blaine shakily nodded at him, turning the flashlights back to the mangled mess of limbs  and ripped clothes that was his boyfriend, and Puck nodded at him.</p><p>He watched as Puck removed his jacket, and in the corner of his eyes he could see Sam's light moving as he came running back to them. Puck hesitated a little, and in the bright light, Blaine could see why.</p><p>It was hard to tell where to start with assessing damage, everything was coated in so much blood. Kurt's face was near unrecognizable, his arms and legs all bent at strange angles, and one leg of his seemed to be turning the other way, his chest was covered with blood, the shirt almost soaked through with it. There was a wheeze to his breathing and the way his head had rolled back, made it look like his neck may have been broken too.</p><p>But through all of this trauma, Kurt was still breathing, they could hear it. But it didn't sound good.</p><p>"Shit..." Puck said as Sam came into view, carrying blankets, and then shining his light onto Kurt's form too, from above him.</p><p>"What?" Blaine asked worriedly, and quietly.</p><p>"Glass. It's all over him." Puck said as he pointed to Kurt's shirt, around the bloodiest area, and Blaine could see bits glistening there, sticking out of Kurt's skin and scattered over him. </p><p>"Puck, the ambulance is on the way," Sam chose to interject with, and then gave the phone to Puck, "hear, she needs to know things."</p><p>Puck took the phone and spoke to the lady on the other side, quickly telling her about the exact position of his truck and how to get to where they were now, and then he turned to begin telling the lady about the condition Kurt himself was in.</p><p>"He looks pretty bad," Puck said as he put a finger underneath Kurt's jaw, gently so as not to move Kurt's body at all, "He's pale, his skin is cold, very cold, it's been raining a lot, his pulse is very weak, his neck seems to be twisted really strangely, there is blood everywhere...his arms and legs look broken, he's wheezing like he is struggling to breathe."</p><p>The lady on the phone asked something and Puck looked around Kurt for a second before he shook his head and said, "i don't know."</p><p>Blaine frowned as he listened, and Puck quickly laid a blanket over Kurt's body, even though it was still raining and it would be wet within minutes.</p><p>"Yeah...i don't know how long he's been out here, but he went missing at around 7pm i guess, and we've been out here looking for him for over 3 hours."</p><p>Blaine blinked, he hadn't realized how much time had passed. He had been stuck in his thoughts for most of it, only working off of nerves and fear. Now that Kurt had been found, his fear and nerves just skyrocketed.</p><p>Now they had to wait for help. And Kurt didn't have a lot of time. </p><p>Blaine stood frozen as he looked upon Kurt, still trying with all his might to be calm and helpful. His eyes caught movement on Kurt's face and he narrowed his gaze through the rain and then leaned closer to his face.</p><p>"I saw him blink, Kurt, can you hear me?" He asked desperately.</p><p>"Don't crowd him. Keep the lights on so i can see." Puck all but growled at him, as he leaned closer to his boyfriend's face.</p><p>"Kurt, please can you hear me baby?"</p><p>Kurt only blinked in response, and Blaine would have taken his hand, if he wasn't afraid to do more damage. </p><p>They all heard the siren of the ambulance, not too far away and Puck turned to Sam.</p><p>"Go back to the truck, wave them down and lead them down here."</p><p>Sam nodded and ran off again, back to the truck like lightning, and Blaine couldn't help but think Sam could be a professional runner, but his gaze soon went back to his struggling boyfriend.</p><p>Kurt's wheezy breathing pulled his focus, he looked him over with sad eyes before turning to Puck, who looked equally worried. </p><p>"D'you think he'll be okay?" he asked, almost rhetorically, just to fill the awful silence, and let him focus on something else other than the mangled body of his boyfriend.</p><p>Puck only shrugged, with a frown on his face. His eyes looked up at Blaine and they were wide with fear and wet with tears. After that Blaine remained silent.</p><p>Sam's flashlight was back, heading their way with two other figures, in bright reflective jackets, heavy medical bags and a gurney being carried between all three of them. </p><p>Blaine and Puck both moved aside as the ambulance guys took over, pulling out all kinds of things from their bags, needles and medicine and little machines. </p><p>"Has he said anything? Moved at all?" one of the guys asked them and they all responded with a 'no', and then Blaine kneeled down by Kurt's head.</p><p>"He blinked his eyes a few times," he said quietly, "but he didn't make any indication that he could hear us."</p><p>"There's also a lot of glass in his chest." Puck said and they both nodded without taking their gazes from Kurt, working quickly to stabilize him and make sure he was okay to be moved.</p><p>The medics worked extra fast because of Kurt's low body temperature and had checked him over for more serious wounds before loading him onto the gurney and strapping him down for safety. Kurt's breathing was shallow as they moved him and they quickly fixed an oxygen mask over his face and then attached an I.V line of fluid into his hand. They had Sam and Puck's assistance to get the gurney and patient safely back as quickly as possible, and once they were loading Kurt into the ambulance Blaine's vision became blurry with tears.</p><p>Everything after that was one big blur of activity.</p><p>The ambulance left in a stream of blue light and noise, and Puck and Sam literally threw an emotional Blaine back into Puck's truck to follow after it. And even though Puck was breaking a lot of speed limits, none of them cared.</p><p>They had to get to the hospital as soon as possible.</p><p>And Blaine finally gasped out loud as a thought struck him as he sat in the back seat of the truck. He had to call Burt. Now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. He Has Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hard, waiting for news. Kurt had been moved straight into surgery. Blaine had broken down on the phone to Burt, and as soon as the man had rushed into the waiting room where they were sitting, he broke down again.</p><p>He was apologizing to Burt for everything, as the man reassured him that he didn't do anything wrong. </p><p>Burt had called the police when Puck had explained what Dave had told him, and in about an hour there were officers in the waiting room too, talking to them all. They gave them as much information as they could, and the officers had been really sympathetic, which was very surprising in Ohio.</p><p>After agreeing to all go to the station the next morning to give a proper recorded statement, the officers had left them alone to wait for news about Kurt. </p><p>It had been over 5 hours, and nobody had come out to tell them anything yet. Burt had asked the nurse at the front desk for information but as far as she knew, they were still in surgery.</p><p>They all sat silently, it was the middle of the night, Blaine had spoke to his parents about what had happened, and they had both been very sorry about it, his mother had offered to come and sit with him but he told her no, there wasn't any news yet so it was pointless. She told him to let her know as soon as he needed him.</p><p>Puck and Sam were asleep in the plastic chairs to one side, and Blaine sat silently with Burt...still waiting.</p><p>"I'm going to go and grab a coffee," Burt said after a few minutes, pushing his hands against his knees to stand, before turning his tired gaze to Blaine, "want one Anderson?"</p><p>"Erm...no, thank you."</p><p>Burt only nodded as he walked away. The coffee machine was in another corridor just around the corner. He watched as Burt disappeared, the lines of his shoulders were tense, and he walked slowly as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.</p><p>Which seemed accurate right now.</p><p>Blaine sighed as he slumped back into the hard plastic of his seat. He really couldn't believe that he was in a hospital again...it wasn't for him but his boyfriend. Homophobic assholes had done it again, put somebody in the hospital. </p><p>Somebody that Blaine cared for, somebody he loved. </p><p>He had never wanted this for Kurt, he had wanted Kurt to be safe from this, always. Blaine had been through it himself, it took a long time to get over something like this. Blaine had been plagued by nightmares after his stint in the E.R. </p><p>Therapists, support, a strong will and determination was what got him through. And even though he still suffered sometimes with one of his knees, especially when the weather was cold, and nightmares still caught up with him. He was doing better.</p><p>He would be there for Kurt, through whatever he needed. </p><p>Burt reappeared, his tired eyes looked a little puffier and red ringed, obviously he had needed some time alone to let out his emotions too, which Blaine completely understood.</p><p>Carole and Finn arrived just after 4am, her night shift had only just finished and she had retrieved Finn from Rachel's house before they both came over. She and Burt sat close together, and Blaine decided to give them a little privacy and moved to sit with Finn, Sam and Puck. </p><p>Even though the other two were still asleep, it felt better than sitting alone. And Finn was unusually quiet. But then again, he wasn't a morning person. If he had even slept at all last night.</p><p>6am came and went, and still no word. But at 6:24, a doctor made his way down the hall to the waiting room, his eyes looked a little tired, and his hair a little mussed. He searched around the waiting room before his eyes landed on Burt and Carole.</p><p>"Are you Kurt Hummel's parents?" He asked lightly and they both nodded at him, silent dread in their faces.</p><p>But the doctor only smiled a little and gestured for them to follow him into the corner of the room. Blaine watched as they followed but then Burt looked back and motoned to Finn and Blaine to come over, which they both did.</p><p>"He's through the worst of it," the doctor said to them and they gave a sigh of relief, "there will be a lot of scarring from his wounds and the glass, we had to perform surgery in two different areas on his abdomen. He had a small laceration in his liver, that was the cause of the internal bleeding, it was slow but steadily growing, any longer and it would have been irreparable."</p><p>Blaine looked over at Burt, who looked equal parts angry, sad and shocked all at once.</p><p>"His other injuries will take more time to heal properly," the doctor's tone then switched a bit lower, "he had at least 30 breaks between his arms, legs, pelvis and his ribs. Broken collarbone, one eye socket needed to be set back in pace, his nose is broken, his jaw is broken, he had a slight skull fracture, a punctured lung, a stab wound in his back, we think, which was the cause of an internal bleed from his liver. I have managed to repair them all to the best of my ability, some of the breaks will have to heal on their own. We repaired as much of the broken bones as we can right now, but when he's stronger he will have to have more...his neck injury is what concerns me the most."</p><p>"Neck injury?" Blaine asked quietly from next to Finn, and the doctor looked him over.</p><p>"And you are...?"</p><p>"Blaine. Kurt's boyfriend." Blaine said a little clipped, expecting a disgusted look, but he received none, the doctor only smiled sympathetically.</p><p>"Ah. Well, it's a good thing he has so many people around him that care about him, he's going to need a lot of help and love to be able to pull through this." he said with a short nod and then turned back to Burt, "Kurt had to have 3 blood transfusions while we were in theatre, which is why we took so long, and his platelets and white blood cell count is still very low, he will be prone to infection and his immune system is almost non-existent right now, due to hypothermia. He will be kept in a sterile room for recovery."</p><p>"You said you were concerned about his neck?" Carole asked the doctor and he sighed as he explained.</p><p>"Speaking straight to you now, i believe something was put around his neck, something unforgiving, and it must have been tightened...human hands themselves could not have done that amount of serious damage."</p><p>"What damage?" Finn asked from his mother's side with a frown.</p><p>"His throat was crushed, basically. His Larynx is severely damaged, as well as his vocal chords and trachea and out of the 7 vertebrae in his neck, 3 of those were severely compressed and damaged. We won't know the extent of that until he wakes up." the doctor told them with a small frown.</p><p>"Oh my god..." Blaine breathed out slowly, and his vision swam as tears built up.</p><p>Burt cleared his throat, and stood up, tears also shining in his own eyes.</p><p>"Doc, my son's a singer, tell me he will still be able to do what he loves doing?" He asked a little frantically and the doctor nodded in understanding.</p><p>"So far, we don't know to what extent the damage was to his voice, until he wakes up. But there is another issue." </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"This...whatever it was...must have been around his neck for some time, because his brain was showing signs of lack of oxygen, when we performed an emergency MRI."</p><p>"So that means...?"</p><p>The doctor looked away from Burt's eyes for a moment, and rubbed the side of his face, obviously tired and stressed himself from the amount of time he had spent in surgery with Kurt.</p><p>"Mr Hummel, with the damage to his vertebrae, and lack of oxygen to certain parts of the brain, your son may never recover fully from this. He may always need extra help to walk, we don't know the extent of the nerve damage yet. And he may have trouble with speech and fine motor skills."</p><p>"So...you're saying he may have permanent brain damage, be unable to talk or sing, and may need help to walk...if he can even walk at all?" Burt asked in an angry tone, but to Blaine he just sounded defeated.</p><p>The doctor nodded.</p><p>"I'm very sorry to have to deliver such bleak news, but we'll be able to know a lot more once Kurt's body has stabilized." He said and Burt nodded before turning to walk a few steps away, obviously letting the information sink in.</p><p>"Will he be allowed visitors?" Blaine asked after a minute and the doctor nodded.</p><p>"One person at a time, and you must be wearing special suits and masks, and he isn't to be touched until his immune system is back up, we're working on getting him situated and comfortable in a room on the ICU. I'll have a nurse come fetch you when it's done." </p><p>"Thanks doc," Burt said as the doctor turned to walk away, but turned back to smile at Burt, "you saved my son's life."</p><p>The doctor looked a little taken aback by the praise but he only gave Burt a tight smile, which was full of sympathy before he cleared his throat.</p><p>"Your son is 17 correct?" he asked and Burt nodded with a confused frown, "i need to discuss something else with you in private please."</p><p>The doctor gestured for Burt to follow him into an unoccupied room and everyone looked at each other as Burt followed after the doctor with another worried look on his face. Everyone waited with bated breath until Burt reappeared with a more broken look on his face.</p><p>The doctor walked out with him, and placed a hand on Burt's shoulder as he spoke softly to him, so softly that nobody else could hear it. Burt nodded once and the doctor walked back through the double doors he came out of before Burt turned to the rest of them.</p><p>He gave a small painful looking glance at Blaine, to which the boy looked confused at, and then Burt gestured to him to follow as he pulled Carole and Finn with him into the room he and the doctor just came out of. </p><p>"Burt, sweetheart. What's wrong?" Carole asked instantly, glued to his side because Burt looked very pale now, like he could fall over any minute.</p><p>"The doc...told me about something else that happened to him." he choked on a shaky breath as he said the words, and Blaine looked even more worried as Burt looked between them, "he erm....Kurt he...."</p><p>Finn's entire face was pale and the frown was so deep he looked older than his years as he waited on what Burt had to tell them. Blaine furrowed his brow as Carole rubbed a hand over Burt's back. And Burt turned to his wife before hanging his head down.</p><p>"They erm...they found evidence of s-sexual assault too."</p><p>Blaine's eyes widened and Carole's hand flew to cover her mouth as a small gasp escaped. Finn looked down and closed his eyes, a small defeated sound escaped his lips.</p><p>Blaine stood frozen for a minute or two, and didn't even notice he was crying until Burt wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug.</p><p>Blaine put his arms around his boyfriend's father as they both cried together, and Carole was still holding her hand over her mouth and had her eyes closed, the pain on her face evident.</p><p>Blaine buried his fingers into Burt's shirt and his lip shook as he processed the information. This couldn't be happening, not to Kurt. Not to someone as kind and as caring as Kurt.</p><p>Blaine couldn't hold the sobs back anymore and he let them go, crying into Burt's shoulder loudly, so loud they almost sounded more like screams of anguish. But maybe they were.</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p>A few hours later, Blaine was sitting on the chair by Kurt's side, in a special suit that would keep germs and other things away from his boyfriend. He was watching as the tubes and machines did the job in repairing damage and keeping Kurt alive. He wasn't even allowed to hold Kurt's hand, not that there was a hand to hold anyway. </p><p>There were bandages and casts on almost ever part of Kurt's body. A big contraption over the side of his face with pins poking into a bandage that covered his jaw. Obviously stabilizing the broken side. But the little parts of Kurt's skin that were on display were pale or bruised. Deep purple bruises marred most of his chest, and throat. </p><p>His neck. Blaine could not understand how someone could do this to him. </p><p>And it was frightening to see him there. He looked so weak, and Kurt Hummel was anything but weak, Blaine knew first hand. He just looked so so awful. Those pale pieces of skin were almost grey, sullen, almost like he was dying.</p><p>Blaine sucked in a breath at the thought, he looked like he was dying. </p><p>But he was fighting. He was fighting so much. Blaine had to keep reminding himself that this was his boyfriend, this was his best friend, his love, he was strong and so courageous. </p><p>He would get better. And Blaine would be there to see it happen. To see Kurt Hummel rise again. To see that strength grow, to see that courage come back, to see him smile, to see those blue/green eyes he loved so much, light up with determination and fire to succeed.</p><p>Kurt was strong. He always was. </p><p>But...</p><p>He would need other people to be strong for him now. While he was down but not out. Blaine could be the strong one for a while, Kurt would need him to be. He would be weak, he would be vulnerable, he would be scared. He would try and push everyone away.</p><p>But Blaine would be there, for everything he needed. Everything he wanted. He couldn't imagine his life without Kurt in it, and he was determined himself to get the man he loved back, to get him well again.</p><p>To live the rest of their lives together. Just as they had planned.</p><p>Someone called around the door when his 5 minutes were up and he blew a kiss towards Kurt as he stood up. With one last watery smile towards his boyfriend he walked out.</p><p>xoxoxoxox</p><p>When 9am came that morning, everyone had to leave to go and give an official statement for the record at the police station. Puck and Sam and Blaine all gave their accounts of what had transpired that day, and the police needed David's information to talk to him about the guys who did this.</p><p>After that was done, Puck and Sam had decided to go home, because they were just sitting around being useless at this point. And Blaine had too because of Burt's insistence he get some rest. He did go home and cried with his mother for a little while before trudging upstairs to try and sleep.</p><p>And he did try, for hours. But he only managed to toss and turn while laying in his bed, every time he closed his eyes it just sent him right back to last night. The sight of his boyfriend in the field, the sight of his boyfriend in the hospital bed this morning. </p><p>Sleep didn't come to him, and after several hours, he was making his way back to the hospital and sitting by Burt in the waiting room. </p><p>It made him feel better to be near Kurt, as it did Burt. Carole and Finn had gone home too, after there was no significant change to Kurt's status in the last 12 hours. </p><p>But Burt and Blaine stayed. They both needed to. </p><p>It wasn't visiting hours, but because of the situation, the doctor had allowed them more visits than they would have got, and they were grateful. They still couldn't be in the room for longer than 5 minutes, and still couldn't touch Kurt at all. </p><p>But Blaine loved talking to him, even if he couldn't hear him. He would talk about everything and nothing. Anything. </p><p>Blaine and Burt took it in turns to rest in the waiting room, and collect drinks and snacks for them both, and after a few hours sitting in silence it was Burt that actually broke it.</p><p>"You know, i never thought i would be sitting in a hospital again until the end of my life." he said and it startled Blaine a little, who had been dozing with his chin on his chest, and he spun wide eyes at Burt, "i thought, the very next time, it would be, me in the bed, my family gathered around to say goodbye. Years from now."</p><p>Blaine swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat as Burt spoke. His voice was cracked and overused, and it made Blaine's chest ache.</p><p>"I've only been in hospital twice in my life, once when Kurt was born, and once when we lost his mom," he continued and Blaine dropped his gaze to stare at his own feet, "i never expected to be sitting here, waiting for news on my son...and i didn't even know what news i'm waiting for. Will he wake up? Will he recognize me? Can he speak? Can he move?"</p><p>"I just don't know...and i'm scared that the answer to all of those questions, is no." </p><p>Blaine felt his eyes burn with tears, and his lower lip trembled before he sucked it between his teeth, biting on it a little to keep from sobbing out loud.</p><p>"Kurt's strong...he's a Hummel, we're stubborn beggars," he tried and failed a joke, "but i don't want him to be strong, i don't want him to have to fight for the rest of his life, just to be ok. I want him to be better, he needs to be better. If he's not...it's gonna destroy him."</p><p>Blaine sucked in a deep breath and turned his eyes back to Burt's face, the twisted grieving look on it almost made him reach over and hug the man, but he held back and just placed a hand on Burt's arm.</p><p>"He has us to get him through, Burt," he said and the broken man before him only nodded silently, "and who knows, maybe that stubborn streak he has, will make him pull through?"</p><p>"I hope so."</p><p>"Kurt is...amazing," Blaine explained, even though he was a little afraid at saying too much, there was no better time to be open about his feelings than right now, "he's independent, strong, brave...he knows what he wants and he doesn't stop until he gets it. He's my best friend, and i immediately fell for his determination, that blue fire he gets in his eyes when he's being passionate...it's a sight to see."</p><p>Burt only nodded along.</p><p>"I love Kurt, for all of those things. And i love who he is, and i love his family. I'm never ever going to find anyone that brings that same fire of determination out in myself, than him. Kurt's it for me, Burt, and i want to let you know...that i'll fight too. I'll fight right alongside him, to make him better, to see him succeed. No matter what."</p><p>Blaine's eyes were red and puffy from tiredness and crying, but extremely serious, and Burt could see the flame that he was talking about, one that is born from that same love and passion that Blaine had professed he loved in his son. </p><p>He smiled sadly at Blaine, wiping a tear away from his cheek, before reaching out to pull his son's boyfriend into a tight hug, feeling Blaine's body slump against him.</p><p>"Thank you." He whispered and Blaine's arms wrapped lightly around his back too.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sitting In Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days later and Kurt still hadn't woken up, the doctors were getting concerned about it. Burt was tired from spending most of his time in the hospital sitting with Kurt. </p><p>The doctors had taken Kurt to perform another MRI to calculate how much brain activity there was, and they came back with good news. Kurt's activity was minimal but the part of the brain they were worried about, ..., was actually firing neurons, so he was only unconscious for now.</p><p>His immune system came back up a few days later, following another blood transfusion and some antibiotics. After all the care they had put into him, his bloodwork was almost back to normal so they could visit him without the suits and masks now. </p><p>It was still hard to see him laying there, unmoving, but the way the doctors were describing his condition gave them hope for him to wake up pretty soon.</p><p>He was also allowed more than one visitor at a time now, but since there wasn't any significant change, a lot of people were now leaving the visitation until he was awake. Puck and Sam included. Carole kept coming and going, making sure that Burt wasn't too stressed out and that he was eating and resting properly while still being with Kurt.</p><p>The police had arrested the guys that had done this to Kurt, thanks to David Karofsky giving them all the details and names of the guys he had overheard that day. 4 senior jocks at Dave's high school that Blaine didn't know. Total strangers and they did this?</p><p>Kurt's recovery was going to take a long while, they all knew this. But Blaine still feared that Kurt would never wake up. He had cried and cried by his bedside, even when Burt was sitting next to him, and he wouldn't leave his side for one second.</p><p>Eventually Burt had called Blaine's mom on the 6th day to try and convince him to go home to rest, and she came into the hospital to pick him up. He didn't go willingly, but Burt made him listen as he promised to call him if there was the slightest change, and he could come back. Blaine's mother, Pam, knew how hard this was for her son, and she was rubbing his back soothingly throughout Burt's speech.</p><p>It wasn't just the fact that his boyfriend was laying in the hospital bed, it also had to do with the time Blaine remembered himself being in this position. </p><p>It was a struggle to get Blaine out of the room, but eventually Pam had called Blaine's dad, who had shot over to the hospital from home and pried Blaine away from Kurt's bedside.</p><p>Michael Anderson didn't look anything like how Burt had pictured him. His dark hair was greying at the ends, and Burt could tell he was older than he was. He had on navy suit pants and a light yellow tone shirt, a navy tie around the collar. It didn't look like he was a very emotional guy, but he held onto his son with strong comforting arms and led him outside.</p><p>Burt thought Blaine looked a lot like his father.</p><p>Pam had given Burt a smile, rubbed her hand over his arm while looking at Kurt with empathy.</p><p>Nobody should have to go through this, and she knew better than anyone what Burt was going through.</p><p>She wished Kurt a speedy recovery and asked Burt to call them with news, or if there is anything that they could do for him, and Burt gave her a nod and smile of appreciation before they left.</p><p>Burt sat back down in the chair next to Kurt's bed with a sigh.</p><p>With Blaine gone now, Burt could break down and cry for his son. He always hated crying in front of people, but one look at his son's still bruised and swollen face had tears streaming down his cheeks and he was grasping onto to Kurt's fingers, which were the only parts of his hand not covered by a cast, for dear life.</p><p>"Please Kurt, you need to fight to come back buddy." he said in a whisper, not wanting to disturb anything, "we need you to wake up, we need you to be ok."</p><p>It was about an hour later that Burt could feel himself getting beyond exhausted, so he went out to grab another coffee. While at the machine he thought back to when Kurt was born, a tiny little bundle of pink chubbiness, and fuzzy hair. He smiled at the memory of holding him close to his chest. </p><p>He had been tiny as a baby, being born 4 weeks early, and Burt couldn't believe the amount of strength his son had, even as a baby. He had always been little, slight and pale, but so strong and brave. Burt was so proud of him, proud to call him his son. </p><p>Kurt had Hummel blood through and through, stubborn and driven. He would be okay, Burt knew it in his heart, even though his head was in a war with that.</p><p>He would wake up. He had to. Kurt was his light, the last remnant of his first love, and he was the person who held all of his heart now. His first and only son.</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxoxox</p><p>Burt was sitting and reading a magazine exactly a week after Kurt was admitted to hospital. Kurt's condition hadn't changed as of yet, but Burt continued to stay by his side waiting.</p><p>While he was reading an article about new fashion, smiling as he thought about how Kurt would have a lot to say about that, the doctor walked inside the room. He gave Burt a tiny smile as he went about checking the monitors and i.vs attached to his son, writing a few things down on his clipboard.</p><p>"Doc, when do you think he will wake up?" He asked when the doctor placed his pen inside his pocket.</p><p>"Could be any time really. I don't have a general time for you Burt, sorry." He replied and sat down in the plastic chair beside Kurt's bed as he gave Burt his attention, "comas are one of those things in medical areas that we don't know a lot about still. So i can't say when he will wake, i can only tell you that his condition looks better than most."</p><p>Burt nodded. </p><p>"So what happens when he wakes up?" </p><p>"Well, there were a lot of breaks in his arms and legs, we couldn't repair them all in our first surgery...we had to make sure that he was stable first. Most of the breaks were clean and will heal in time, but he will need surgery later on to replace one of his knee caps." The doctor explained with a serious expression.</p><p>Burt sighed and placed his head in one hand.</p><p>"But, the surgery will go well, it's one of the simpler ones that we will perform."</p><p>"I just need him to be okay." Burt looked over at his son with sad eyes and the doctor followed his gaze for a moment before standing.</p><p>"In the hospital we can heal most of the physical wounds, but he will need therapy to help with the rest. The aftermath of this sort of thing, is harder than healing from broken bones." the doctor said and moved towards the door, "but that will be to come when he does wake."</p><p>"Thanks doc." Burt said as he gave the doctor a look of appreciation and the doctor nodded and then left.</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxoxox</p><p>Burt sighed again as he had his phone glued to his ear. Blaine had been calling every day for the past week that wouldn't let him come and sit all day at Kurt's bedside. Blaine needed a sense of normality in his life right now. </p><p>Burt had spent all week trying to convince Blaine to leave Kurt's healing process to the doctors, there wasn't anything he could do here anyway and he was only exhausting himself.</p><p>As Blaine was still explaining how much he hated not being away from Kurt when he needed him, Burt interrupted him.</p><p>"Look kid, i swear you'll be the first person i call when there is a change worth you coming down for okay. You should be going to school and doing things normally while Kurt is out, he's in the best place right now and you should be going to school." he tried to sound reasonable, but he was losing his patience a little, this little argument had been going on for the last 7 days.</p><p>"Even if i went to school right now Burt, i don't think it will ever feel normal without Kurt there." Blaine said with a little scoff and Burt's heart lurched a little in his chest at the undercurrent of hurt in Blaine's voice.</p><p>"I know buddy, i know. But there's no point in both of us sitting here and waiting while the world is still turning. Kurt would want you to go to school and finish the year."</p><p>"Burt i-"</p><p>"Blaine i'm really not asking you." He interrupted again.</p><p>There was a sigh down the line and a pause as Burt waited for more protests from his son's boyfriend, then there was a small sniffle ad Burt frowned.</p><p>"What if he doesn't wake up?" Blaine's voice was small and shaky, vulnerable sounding and Burt could feel guilt eating at him by making Blaine get on with his life while someone he loved was in hospital.</p><p>But Kurt needed time, and so did Blaine. He was still a kid, and still at school and he did not need to spend all of his time in a hospital room. Only one of them needed to be here.</p><p>"Blaine...you told me a couple of weeks ago, that you knew that Kurt would get back to us. And now you're doubting his strength? Kid, Kurt will be okay but he needs time."</p><p>Another sniffle.</p><p>"...I know...it's just hard."</p><p>"Yeah it is, but please Blaine. Hang out with friends, do things with them, spend time with your family. Do your school work and be a kid. Kurt isn't going anywhere."</p><p>"....okay." Blaine sighed in defeat and Burt had to smile, "..i'll try."</p><p>"That's all i want you to do." </p><p>"Will you let me know when i can come back and see him?" He asked in timid manner and Burt rubbed a hand over his head.</p><p>"Of course. Now get your ass to school Blaine." He said with a small chuckle, but Blaine didn't laugh back. Instead another sigh came through the line.</p><p>"Yeah, okay. Give Kurt my love...i guess i'll see you soon?"</p><p>"Ok, kid."</p><p>Blaine didn't say goodbye, he just hung up and Burt put his phone in his pocket with a frown. He knew he was being hard on the kid, it wasn't that he didn't want Blaine here, quite the opposite. Blaine loved Kurt so much, that he was grateful to have another person here sometimes. But Burt didn't want Blaine to have to repeat his junior year at school because he missed too much of it, Kurt wouldn't thank him for that.</p><p>So he had pushed Blaine away for the kid's own good.</p><p>As he walked back through the hallways of the hospital, he sat in the waiting area for a little while. Kurt had some nurses in the room right now, changing fluids and giving his body a clean up. Burt would give his son as much privacy and dignity as he could, even though he knew Kurt wouldn't know about it. </p><p>It was the decent thing. Plus Burt really didn't want to see that much marred skin on his son. He would only get angry again. </p><p>When the nurses came out to tell him they were done, he resettled himself in the armchair next to Kurt's bedside. One of the nurses had noticed how often Burt had been here with him, and had replaced the old plastic chair with one more comfortable for him. He had been surprised. His back appreciated it when he had fallen asleep in that instead of the hard plastic one.</p><p>He decided he would read the newspaper to Kurt today. With hope that with enough voices and stories, that it would get through to his son and wake him up. He knew it was a long shot and probably impossible, but he felt like he needed to do something. He couldn't just sit in silence anymore.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Why?</h2></a>
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    <p>Every time he came to, he would be in so much pain, the slightest shift of his chest when he breathed shot a jolt of pain down the entire length of his body until he passed back out. </p><p>It happened every time.</p><p>There were different noises here now though, he could make them out. There was no wind, but there was still a rushing sound. He wasn't wet anymore, there was no rain here...but he was still so tired and so cold.</p><p>There was a strange high pitched beeping sound too. It grated on his aching head, like a hammer. </p><p>He was still confused. he didn't know what was happening. </p><p>There was a lot of movement around him, even though his eyes were closed he knew. People?</p><p>People walking around him.</p><p>Where was he?</p><p>Why did he still hurt so much if there were people here? Where did Blaine go?</p><p>Noise.</p><p>That's all he registered in his mind.</p><p>Noise.</p><p>A lot of noise.</p><p>He was warm now. he could feel things covering him. He could hear shuffling noises, maybe people talking. It sounded far away. he could still only hear on one side. It was confusing.</p><p>There was something in his nose, it was bothering him. And his body felt like it was itching all over. </p><p>He tried to lift his arm, but it felt like dead weight, he wasn't strong enough to lift it. What was happening?</p><p>"-urt?"</p><p>What was that?</p><p>"Kurt?"</p><p>Dad?</p><p>"Buddy?"</p><p>It was his dad. He couldn't respond. He tried. His tongue felt like it was made of lead, he couldn't move it, his throat hurt when he swallowed.</p><p>It was dry and scratchy. He tried to move, to do anything. He could feel himself breathing but it hurt so much, everything was coming into sharp focus as the pain in his chest intensified. </p><p>Why? Why wasn't anyone helping him?</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Be Your Teenage Dream Tonight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1 month later....</p><p>A lot of things had happened in the last month. It had been a struggle to get back into the swing of going to school every day, but Blaine managed it for Burt and only seeing his boyfriend on weekends. Their Glee club wasn't the same without Kurt there, and nobody had any ambition for it anymore. They lost their Regionals competition but nobody was that upset about it. </p><p>They all missed Kurt.</p><p>Blaine had finished out his junior year, it was summer vacation now and he had a lot more time to himself so he was almost always by Kurt's side in the hospital, despite Burt's protests of him being there too much, there was no other place he would rather be.</p><p>But...Kurt still had not woken up. </p><p>All of his friends had been to see him, now that the seniors had graduated high school they hung around the hospital most of the time. Rachel had sat next to Blaine one day and told Kurt about everything in Glee that he had missed, and caught him up on all the relationship gossip. Blaine had smiled as he thought of what Kurt would have replied to some of those. That vicious sharp tongue he loved would have had a lot to say.</p><p>Tina and Mercedes had just held a hand of his each and told him how much they loved him and wanted him back soon. Mercedes promised to take Kurt shopping and let him rearrange her wardrobe, Tina had also said that Kurt could throw all of her goth clothes away. </p><p>Blaine knew that whatever comments Kurt had made over the years about their fashion choices, he would never ever want to actually change the girls clothes. They were original, just like him. And he loved them for that.</p><p>Sam and Mike had sat for over an hour talking about football, which Blaine knew Kurt would have fallen asleep at anyway if he had been awake, so he was sort of glad his boyfriend was already unconscious for that chat. Finn and Carole had been around a lot more, now that school was out and Carole had changed her hours at the clinic to be here for Burt more.</p><p>Santana had been the most emotional as she sat beside Kurt's bed and promised that she would kick anyone's ass who even looked at him a certain way when he got out of the hospital. Brittany had held her as she had burst into hysterical tears. Quinn wanted to pray silently for Kurt, and even though both Burt and Blaine knew Kurt would not have appreciated it, it wouldn't hurt anything.</p><p>Puck had not been near though. He claimed it was too painful to see a friend like that, he would wait until Kurt woke up to come and chat with him. Blaine had to admit it was hard seeing his boyfriend like this, but not as bad as when he was first brought in. </p><p>Most of the bruising on his skin had faded within the first two weeks. He was not as pale and ghostly now, having some colour on him really made a difference. And Blaine had been doing Kurt's moisturising routine for him in the mornings, now that the bandage and wires around his jaw had been taken off.</p><p>Blaine's parents had been the most surprising visitors. Even though they had met Kurt, and had spoken to him quite a few times over the course of them being boyfriends, they didn't really know him that well. </p><p>They had said the reason was because he meant a lot to Blaine and so he meant a lot to them too. Blaine was internally grateful that his parents were that caring, especially when his mother had started making dinners for the Hummel-Hudson family too over the last few weeks. </p><p>"You know, the amount of time i spend here you'd have thought that i wouldn't miss you. But i do...you're laying here and i'm holding your hand and i miss you." Blaine said when he and Kurt were left alone again, when Burt went to stretch his legs and grab some lunch, "but i can't help it."</p><p>He smiled at Kurt's relaxed face.</p><p>"You'd call me crazy, i know you would." He reached over and pushed a strand of hair on Kurt's forehead back and behind his ear, "your hair is getting long. Can't cut it here though."</p><p>He stroked his fingers through Kurt's hair lightly, trying to feel some kind of connection from before. He would always only do it before when Kurt had first came out of a shower or when he was asleep when they would lay together on ach other's beds, because it was the only times he had been permitted to play with Kurt's hair. But there was nothing here right now, it was a little empty. </p><p>He pulled his hand away with a sigh, and rested his palm over Kurt's fingers on his right hand.</p><p>"My mother has been sending food to your house almost everyday, so there will be a lot of leftovers when you get out of here." he explained with a smile, staring at Kurt's face before looking down at the fingers he was playing with softly, "it might take some time but...Carole put a lot of it in the freezer for another time."</p><p>Blaine felt a little silly for talking to Kurt when he couldn't respond but it helped him not feel useless while he was sitting here alone.</p><p>"Principle Figgins has said that you won't need to repeat your senior year, because of what happened...he is waiting for you to get back on your feet and then you can just retake the tests for the end of the year. You'll be able to graduate like you wanted..." his eyes began filling with tears as he was talking, "and Rachel has promised not to sing to you when you wake up, she says you will only tell her off for it anyway."</p><p>"I want you back Kurt, i don't know how i can get through more months of this." he said brokenly just as Burt opened the door and Blaine looked up at the man with a watery smile. </p><p>"You alright kid?" Burt asked as he eyed Blaine curiously.</p><p>"Yeah. Just talking to Kurt about school." Blaine said as he let a little humourless laugh escape his lips as he wiped his eyes.</p><p>Burt nodded and sat back in the armchair next to the other side of Kurt's bed, and he and Blaine both sat in silence for a while. Passing Blaine a sandwich and a coffee which he took gratefully but placed them down on the bedside cabinet for later. He wasn't hungry right now.</p><p>"I was hoping all of this would get easier with time," Blaine broke the silence after a few minutes and Burt looked up at him with sympathetic eyes, "but i just miss him. I miss hearing his voice, and him looking at me...fighting with me...singing with me."</p><p>Kurt's father nodded slowly.</p><p>"If it's okay, i want to bring my guitar in tomorrow. Maybe sing something to him?" He asked quietly and Burt gave him a small smile.</p><p>"I think Kurt would probably like that. He always loved hearing you sing."</p><p>Blaine closed his eyes at Burt's words and leaned to place his forehead against Kurt's hand, shuddering through silent sobs. </p><p>xoxoxoxoxox</p><p>Blaine had spent a lot of time at the Hummel house over the summer vacation. For dinner and just hanging out with Burt or Finn, or helping Carole out with some stuff at home. She said he didn't have to help her with housework but he felt like he wanted to help. </p><p>Dinner tonight was something he had brought over from his mother again, a vegan casserole which was packed full of vegetables. Kurt would appreciate Burt being looked after while he was in the hospital, and Blaine's mother always cooked healthy food. As he was helping Carole reheat it and dish it up for everyone, Rachel came into the kitchen and asked if there was anything she could help with.</p><p>She had been spending a lot of time here too, not only for her best friend's family, but because Finn was her boyfriend too. Blaine had appreciated her with them, because sometimes she would be a distraction for him. </p><p>"Could you set out glasses and cutlery for us please sweetheart." Carole said as she turned to smile at Rachel, who nodded and began to do as asked. </p><p>"You know i think i'm actually quite liking the domesticity of setting the table for dinner," she said as she was placing glasses on the table, "my dads always set the table at home."</p><p>"Yeah, it's quite humbling really, having to grow up." Blaine said with a smirk and she sent him a small glare.</p><p>This was another new development for Blaine and Rachel, they were bonding a lot while they had been hanging out here. And Blaine had found his more sassy side coming out more and more around her. She said it was okay because it actually felt like Kurt was speaking to her through Blaine.</p><p>"Alright mister, i know i've been spoilt okay, you don't have to keep reminding me." She said as she walked past him to get the juice and water from the fridge, smacking his arm lightly on her way passed.</p><p>Carole laughed a little at them before setting the plates out on the table, and Rachel huffed at Blaine a little as she walked out to get Finn and Burt for dinner. Blaine couldn't help the smile bloom across his face as he sat down at the table and poured himself some water. </p><p>"You know, it's really nice having so many of you here right now. It makes it feel almost like normal." She said as she patted Blaine's shoulder before going to her own seat on the other side of the table.</p><p>"We wouldn't be anywhere else Carole." </p><p>As Finn and Rachel reappeared, followed by Burt, Blaine sent all of them a quick smile and then passed the jug of water down to Rachel. </p><p>Dinner was sort of quiet, except for when Rachel was talking about college in New York next year. But it was nice sitting with everyone and exchanging words and telling stories. Finn had been a little more subdued than normal, but that was to be expected now. Everyone had changed a little since Kurt had been in hospital, it was inevitable.</p><p>Once dinner was over, Burt claimed that he would be going to the hospital as he shared a loving glance with Carole before he left. Blaine helped Rachel and Finn wash up the plates and things after dinner and waited for about 10 more minutes, before he said goodbye to them all and left too.</p><p>He was driving to the hospital as well, guitar case sitting on the backseat of his car, but he wanted to give Burt some time to be with Kurt first before he claimed the room. He had been thinking all night about what he should sing to Kurt, but there was only one song that stood out amongst all of the rest. </p><p>The very first song that he had sung when he had first met Kurt. He hadn't sung it since that time, and he didn't know if he would get through the entire song without becoming an emotional wreck. But he would try. </p><p>When he got to the hospital, he took his time as he made his way up to Kurt's room. And waited for another 20 minutes or so out in the waiting room, giving Burt and Kurt enough father and son time before walking to the door and knocking lightly.</p><p>As he poked his head in, Burt smiled and gestured for him to come in. Blaine produced his guitar for Burt to see, and the man gave him an encouraging look. </p><p>"Did you wanna be alone while you.." he started and Blaine smiled back to him.</p><p>"If you don't mind Burt."</p><p>"That's okay. I'll just take a little walk." Burt said as he stood and made his way to the door, stopping to pat Blaine's back a little and Blaine was surprised that the gesture actually made him relax a little.</p><p>Blaine smiled over at Kurt as he sat down in the closest chair and pulled his guitar out of its case, putting it on his lap and pausing a little. Should he say anything or should he just start singing?</p><p>He sighed a little as the emotion already started to fill his body before he had even started. He could do this. He would do this for Kurt.</p><p>"You know i... i don't really know what i can say. Only that i love you," Blaine's felt his throat close up slightly and pushed down the sobs that threatened to break through, "and i know you're working hard to get back to us. But...i hope that this helps break through that shield around your mind right now."</p><p>He took a deep breath and played a few chords on his guitar first, before switching tempo and slowing it down. As he looked down at his hands as they played he could feel his eyes stinging as tears filled them.</p><p>"You think I'm pretty, without any make-up on<br/>
You think I'm funny, when I tell the punchline wrong<br/>
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down<br/>
Down," He paused as he choked on the last word, and took another deep breath before carrying on, pushing through his emotions and singing.</p><p>"Before you met me, I was alright<br/>
But things were kind of heavy, you brought me to life<br/>
Now every February, you'll be my Valentine."</p><p>"Valentine," he whispered softly, almost inaudible.</p><p>"Let's go all<br/>
The way tonight,<br/>
No regrets<br/>
Just love.</p><p>We can dance<br/>
Until we die<br/>
You and I<br/>
Will be young forever...."</p><p>Another deep breath as tears dripped onto his hands.</p><p>"You make me<br/>
Feel like I'm living a<br/>
Teenage dream,</p><p>The way you turn me on<br/>
I can't sleep<br/>
Let's run away and don't ever look back.<br/>
Don't ever look back</p><p>My heart stops<br/>
When you look at me,<br/>
Just one touch<br/>
Now baby, I believe</p><p>This is real<br/>
So take a chance<br/>
And don't ever look back<br/>
Don't ever look back." </p><p>His heart was breaking as he sang the words, he could feel the pain inside his chest and had to pause for a second to wipe at his eyes, before sniffing and playing the chords again. </p><p>"We drove to Cali, and got drunk on the beach<br/>
Got a motel and, built a fort out of sheets,<br/>
I finally found you, my-"</p><p>He sobbed then, as the next lyrics entered his head. He couldn't do it. Kurt was his 'missing puzzle piece', they fit together so perfectly. And without him he wasn't complete. The song encapsulated their entire relationship and he missed him. He missed Kurt's smile and his laugh. He missed the snarky and sarcastic comments, he even missed the fights and the screaming matches between them sometimes. </p><p>He cried and leaned his head on one arm as he tried to stop, but he couldn't. They racked his chest and burned his throat as they forced their way out. Crying in aguish and guilt and loneliness as it all fell on him at that moment. </p><p>For a few minutes there at Kurt's bedside, that was all he did. He cried. He cried until the tears stopped and he could breathe a little easier. But it didn't stop the ache inside, the ache for his soulmate, his lover, his boyfriend. This overwhelming need for Kurt to open his eyes and look at him. To smile at him and tell him he loved him.</p><p>It was all on hold for now. And it hurt.</p><p>He strummed again, his hands shaky but efficient as he tried his best to continue the song for Kurt. His voice was rough now because of all the crying but he ignored the burn in his throat as he sang again.</p><p>"Let's go all<br/>
The way tonight<br/>
No regrets<br/>
Just love.</p><p>We can dance<br/>
Until we die<br/>
You and I<br/>
Will be young forever." He held the note for a little too long and it cracked. He had to clear his throat to begin again.</p><p>"You make me<br/>
Feel like I'm living a<br/>
Teenage dream,<br/>
The way you turn me on<br/>
I can't sleep<br/>
Let's runaway and don't ever look back<br/>
Don't ever look back.</p><p>My heart stops<br/>
When you look at me," he looked up at Kurt at this point in the song and then kept his gaze on his boyfriend's sleeping face while he sang the rest of the song.</p><p>"Just one touch<br/>
Now baby, I believe,<br/>
This is real<br/>
So take a chance<br/>
And don't ever look back<br/>
Don't ever look back."</p><p>"I'ma get your heart racing<br/>
In my skin-tight jeans,<br/>
Be your teenage dream tonight." He stopped playing the guitar and dropped it on the floor, as he leaned over to sing the last few words to Kurt, whispering them more than singing them as he kept his gaze on his boyfriend's beautiful face.</p><p>"Let you put your hands on me, In my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight." He placed a small kiss against Kurt's cheek and held his lips there for a few seconds, before the tears started streaming down his face again and he buried his face into the gown that covered Kurt's chest and cried there, until Burt Hummel's strong comforting hands pulled him away 5 minutes later.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. He's Everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything seemed much slower lately. Ever since Kurt had been in the hospital, life had seemed to stand still for a while and it was now moving, but slowly for Blaine. He felt like he himself was stuck like Kurt was, in this never-ending fucked up situation.</p><p>The men that did this to Kurt, had all denied doing what they did. But police and investigators had found evidence that put them all there, and also the DNA that the doctors had produced from Kurt's clothing and skin and hair had also been processed now.</p><p>They were awaiting trial now, for at least a year, until enough evidence and witness statements were collected.</p><p>A part of Blaine hoped that Kurt would be awake to testify against those monsters, and a part of him didn't want Kurt to be a part of that. These guys tortured his boyfriend, and left him for dead...and assaulted him in the worst ways. He didn't want Kurt to relive all of that. But...they had to be put away forever, to avoid them doing this to any other people.</p><p>"...sweetheart?"</p><p>Blaine's head shot up as his mother's voice broke through his thoughts. They were all sitting around the dinner table, but Blaine had hardly touched his food, his appetite hadn't been the same lately. He knew it worried his mother, but he couldn't force himself to relax enough to eat a lot.</p><p>"What?" He asked confused as she waited expectantly for an answer, and she sighed gently and gave him an understanding smile.</p><p>"I asked if the doctor's know when Kurt is going to wake up?" She asked again and Blaine gave her a tight smile.</p><p>"Erm...no, they don't. But they are monitoring him and his body is healing, so hopefully some time soon." He explained exactly what the doctor had told Burt the other week.</p><p>His mother nodded along with his explanation but he didn't see the look she sent to his father across from him, because Blaine had looked back down to his plate where he was pushing some noodles around with his fork. He sunk into his mind again, thinking about Kurt.</p><p>The doctors were optimistic about him waking up, but the longer Kurt was out, the longer his recovery time afterwards would be. Blaine had already noticed after the first 3 weeks, the muscles in Kurt arms and and shoulders had depleted a little. Apparently it was normal, and now after 6 weeks of being in a bed and resting, Kurt's entire body was so small and thin, it looked more fragile than when it was all bruised and broken.</p><p>"Blaine." His father's voice pulled his head up again and he glanced between his mother's worried face and his father's calculating eyes. "How are you doing son?"</p><p>Blaine frowned at both of them for a second and before he could respond his mother reached over and squeezed one of his hands.</p><p>"We're here for you to talk to if you want to, and you know we'll try to help ease the pressure from you." his father told him as Blaine was frozen staring at his father's eyes, boring into his with more support and more love than Blaine had ever seen on his father's face before, "we love you and we know how hard this is for you and for Kurt and his family. We want you to know, you can cry, you can scream, you can be angry...anything. With us, it's safe son."</p><p>Blaine didn't know what to do, all of a sudden time seemed to go back to normal and the rush of emotions he had been trying to keep inside came out. His face scrunched up and his eyes filled with tears and he looked down as he started sobbing.</p><p>His father shot out of his seat and walked around the table to pull him up from his seat and hug him. His father's arms surrounded him so tightly that Blaine felt that he couldn't breathe, but it was nice to be held together when you felt like you were falling apart.</p><p>"I've got you, i'm here Blaine." Michael whispered over his son's head as he held him up, Blaine's frame shook in his hold as the tears soaked through his shirt, "i love you...i'm here."</p><p>Blaine clung to his father, even as his legs gave out as they shook beneath him, but his father held him up like he was a small child and was just whispering soothingly to him. His mother was crying at the table by herself, watching the two of them together.</p><p>Blaine couldn't remember ever feeling as safe as right now with his father's arms around him, sure he had given him hugs before when he was proud of him, or when he was comforting him as a kid. But recently, Michael didn't really hug Blaine, only patting his back or his head.</p><p>Blaine had known that his father had struggled to come to terms with him being gay, he had been openly honest about that, but right now there wasn't any signs of him being uncomfortable with giving Blaine comfort. He was there, just like he said he would be.</p><p>Blaine's sobs soon turned into sniffles and he stood up as the strength came back to his legs. But his father's arms didn't leave him until he pushed himself back. Michael's hands didn't leave his arms though rubbing along them gently as though he was waiting to catch Blaine if he collapsed again.</p><p>Blaine wiped his face with his hand, before his mother stood to get her and himself a box of tissues, his father made him sit back down in his seat and took the seat next to him. Still with one hand on Blaine's arm he was just waiting until Blaine calmed down enough to talk.</p><p>Blaine took a few deep breaths as he took a tissue from his mother to blow his nose and wipe the wetness from his cheeks, he felt a little embarrassed but his parents were both waiting patiently and watching him curiously.</p><p>"Erm...maybe it's been harder than i let myself think." He finally explained and his father nodded.</p><p>"You know, i put myself in your shoes last night. Thinking about your mother, and how i would feel if she was in the hospital like Kurt is, it would be terrible. I would be sad and angry...i knew i needed to tell you that it was okay to feel that way." His father told him and Blaine gave them both a small smile.</p><p>"Yeah i'm angry...so angry," He said with a frown, clenching his fingers around the ball of tissue in his hand, "why did that have to happen? Kurt has never done anything to deserve that...nobody ever deserves that. And i am so pissed that these guys think it's okay to ...to torture someone because of their orientation."</p><p>"It's cruel and evil...nobody ever deserves that." His mother said with a hitch in her voice, "least of all somebody like Kurt. That boy is so kind and gentle."</p><p>Michael didn't say anything for quite a while and after sitting in silence for a few minutes, he gave his wife a small smile before turning to Blaine and taking his son's face in his hands.</p><p>"You have to know, i never wished anything like this to happen." He started as Blaine stared at him in slight confusion, "i know i had problems with your sexuality before...but this...stuff like this...what happened to Kurt...and what happened to you before. It's not right...and i wanted you to know i had never thought anything like that."</p><p>"I know dad." Blaine said seriously, he knew his father was a good and kind man, even if he was a little bit emotionless sometimes.</p><p>"You'll keep us in the loop right? About Kurt's recovery." Michael asked with a small smile, "i only met Kurt a few times, but from what i could tell, he's strong...i know he'll get better. But you have to keep us updated on how this is going. We want to know. And we want to help anyway we can. I don't just mean with your mother's cooking."</p><p>Blaine laughed when his mother did across from them. His father released his cheeks and gave him a smile.</p><p>"And we need you to come to us when you need to talk, i don't want you to keep it all inside. Whatever you want to talk about, we'll both be here for it. Or even if you just want a hug."</p><p>"Thanks Dad."</p><p>Blaine leaned in to give his father another hug, and the feeling of his father's arms around him was a new feeling but it was good. Safe.</p><p>"I say that this dinner has been rather emotional." His mother said as his father stood back up once the hug was over and walked back to his own seat for dinner, "how about we have ice-cream and go watch a movie on the couch?"</p><p>Michael smiled at her and when they both looked at Blaine he nodded with his own small smile.</p><p>"That sounds great Mom."</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p>A Few Days Later...</p><p> </p><p>Blaine felt a little better after talking to his parents. And going to visit Kurt at the hospital didn't seem as empty and bleak as before. It was lighter, he felt it in the air. Everyone was still waiting and it was nearing week 7 that Kurt had been in the hospital for now, but Blaine knew it would only be a matter of time before he woke up.</p><p>He could feel it deep down.</p><p>Burt had made Blaine go home again after spending all weekend by Kurt's bedside and Blaine didn't complain about that, even if he was Kurt's boyfriend, Kurt had other people around him that wanted to sit with him and see him.</p><p>He didn't feel bad about that, because now that the communication line was open between himself and his parents, he didn't feel trapped in the grief. At home though he felt weird, not bad or anything just weird.</p><p>He had informed his old friend from Dalton about Kurt's condition and had relayed all of their support to Burt and Kurt's family, and he still hadn't answered Wes' text about maybe hanging out this weekend.</p><p>As he was thinking about his phone he decided he would sit on the couch and go through the messages one by one. But as the screen unlocked it showed a picture of him and Kurt as his home screen, the picture they took together at Halloween. It made him laugh.</p><p>And then he was stuck in a loop for about an hour looking through all of the photos in his phone. Some were just Kurt, some were of the glee club, some of Kurt and his girls, some of them as a couple. Photos from dates, photos from performances, photos from school, photos from having dinner at Kurt's house.</p><p>Then he paused over a picture they had taken after they had made love for the first time. It had been a special moment, and even though Kurt complained about how his hair looked Blaine loved the picture. They were both weary looking and had tired eyes and scruffy hair, but the smiles were bright and the eyes were sparkling full of love. It was th picture Blaine loved the most.</p><p>"What's that?" His father's voice came over his shoulder and Blaine startled as he almost dropped the phone, and his eyes widened as he realized his father had seen the photo.</p><p>You couldn't really tell from the picture that they had been doing anything, Kurt had a t-shirt on and Blaine was in his vest, but from their faces it was pretty evident.</p><p>"Oh erm...just looking through pictures."</p><p>His father hummed as he rounded the couch and sat down next to Blaine, looking at him with an amused smile and knowing eyes.</p><p>"I sincerely hope there are no indecent pictures on that phone." He said with a laugh and Blaine blushed with embarrassment.</p><p>"No there isn't..anything like that. Just...me and Kurt."</p><p>His father was silent for a little while, and Blaine went back to flicking through some more pictures of them before his father cleared his throat and Blaine turned his attention back to the man.</p><p>"I don't think i ever really asked about you two, have i?" he asked with a tiny frown and Blaine shook his head.</p><p>"You haven't. But it's okay." Blaine tried to reassure him.</p><p>"It's not okay." His father shook his head as the lines of his frown deepened, "i want to know. I know i've not been that involved in your life like you wanted me to be...needed me to be. I want to change that now. Will you tell me about him?"</p><p>"About Kurt?"</p><p>Michael nodded with a small smile.</p><p>"He's incredible dad." Blaine began with a bright smile, although his eyes were a little sad, and Michael just sat and stared at his son with his own smile as he listened, "i didn't think that i would ever meet someone that fit with me so well...it never really occurred to me that there would be someone else in the world who could be my soulmate. That's what Kurt is, he's, my soulmate."</p><p>"Your mother said you met Kurt at Dalton before?" Michael asked and Blaine gave a small laugh.</p><p>"Yeah, on the winding staircase. He asked me what was going on because he was new, and i knew he really wasn't a pupil at Dalton but he seemed so lost and lonely i had to take his hand and show him around. He was beautiful though, he still is...but all i remember thinking when i first saw him was that this guy was beautiful."</p><p>Michael nodded along but said nothing as Blaine sighed at the memory.</p><p>"He was regal looking, like royalty out of a magazine...i mean i call him beautiful now and he scoffs at me. But he is. He's gorgeous."</p><p>"Seems like he really made an impact on you." His father added with a smile and Blaine nodded.</p><p>"Oh more than that. He flipped my entire world upside down." Blaine said in a choked off voice, tears filling his eyes a little, "he was like sunshine when my world was kind of dull and grey, he brightened it. He was like a lost little bird when he came to Dalton, scared and anxious. But as he came out of his shell, i saw him for what he was. Amazing. Kind, smart, sassy."</p><p>"Sassy?" Michael asked with a grin and a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"Kurt had this ability to protect himself with a sharp tongue. His words could cut you down in seconds if you did him wrong. But he was also careful with his choice of words...and he was always brutally honest with me when i needed it."</p><p>"That's a good trait. Brutal honesty."</p><p>"I know." Blaine smiled and then flicked through a few pictures to turn the phone around and show his father one of the two of them making silly faces, "he could act so serious most of the time, guarded and cold. But with us...he was silly and fun and incredibly attentive. It only took 4 weeks for me to tell him that i loved him, and mean the words."</p><p>"That was fast."</p><p>"It was fast, and when you talk with him i think you'll understand why." Blaine flicked another picture across the screen of the glee club, and then another with Kurt and Finn arguing over the dinner table.</p><p>"How is your relationship?" Michael asked curiously and Blaine turned to regard him with curious eyes first before answering.</p><p>"It's great actually. Even though we're each other's first boyfriends, it has been going really well. It's been almost a year since we got together. We have our arguments like everyone does, but they're not built with fire...and they die out very quickly. Kurt is like a tornado sometimes, crazy energy...especially when it comes to fashion or music. he's an incredible artist but he can be picky about different things. He hates wearing sweat pants himself, but he says he loves seeing me wearing them. He only wears sneakers in gym, never any other time. 'Every second is an opportunity for fashion Blaine, remember that.'"</p><p>Michael laughed a little at Blaine's impression of his boyfriend, and Blaine sighed again as he slumped back against the couch.</p><p>"I miss his voice, i miss his smile...i miss his laugh. I just miss him." Blaine said in a small timid sounding voice and Michael reached out a hand to pat his son's knee.</p><p>"He'll be okay, as long as there are people like you, people that love him so much, around him, he will get better." He reassured him and Blaine gave him a smile.</p><p>"He has an amazing singing voice. Counter tenor."</p><p>"Voice like an angel huh?"</p><p>"Absolutely. You should hear him sing Defying Gravity, it's life changing." Blaine smiled lovingly to himself, "we duet all the time in the club or in the car, but i love just listening to him sing."</p><p>Silence reigned for a minute or two, Blaine stuck in memories of all the songs he and Kurt had sung together and Michael giving Blaine some time in his own head for a while.</p><p>"You guys have, you know, been together?" His next question came unexpectedly to Blaine, who blushed a deep red and laughed awkwardly.</p><p>"Well..."</p><p>"Because if i were you, i wouldn't let your mother find out. She still pictures you as a baby." Michael said with a amused sounding chuckle and Blaine breathed out a sigh of relief as he joined in the laughter.</p><p>After that Blaine found it a lot easier to talk to his father about Kurt, about his relationship and how much he loved him. How much of their lives were already planned out together after high school. Living in New York and building dreams together, getting married and having a family too.</p><p>He told his father everything, and anything. And through all of that Michael sat and listened and for the first time, actually felt like he was a part of his youngest son's life. Hearing about their love story and their friendship before that was incredible. He just hoped that someday soon he would be able to properly meet Kurt and appreciate everything he was for his son.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. There's Nothing More Beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What was going on? He felt really strange. His breathing hurt, his head hurt. It confused the hell out of him every time.</p><p>And it happened every time he woke up. He could remember that.</p><p>There was still that strange high pitched beeping sound too, making his head feel like it was being beaten with a hammer from the inside.</p><p>He was still confused, he didn't know what was happening.</p><p>There was still a lot of sound and movement around him, but where the hell was he? Where was his family?</p><p>The next time he woke up, it was strange and different. He could hear little bits of conversation around him. But it all just faded together to make one big sound.</p><p>"-urt?"</p><p>Wait...Dad? Was that his Dad's voice again?</p><p>"Buddy?"</p><p>It was his Dad, he was here. He still couldn't respond no matter how much he tried to tell his dad he was here, that he was trying to move and to open his eyes. But he couldn't.</p><p>Just then he felt an awful pain flare in his head and he did make a noise. A groan escaped his lips in a rush of air. And then somebody was shouting. Breathing felt like he was being stabbed in the side continuously, and he couldn't keep doing it.</p><p>He wanted it all to stop.</p><p>He was suddenly jolted, the movement shooting unimaginable torture throughout his entire body, he clenched his teeth against a scream that wanted to rip his throat in half. And it happened again. And then again.</p><p>Everything hurt, he was in complete agony, and he wanted it to stop. What was happening? And why wasn't anyone helping him?</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p>Burt was sitting and watching Kurt, his breathing had changed a few minutes ago. His eyes moving from side to side beneath his closed eyelids.</p><p>He had thought that Kurt may be dreaming, but when he coughed, Burt shot out of his seat.</p><p>"Kurt?" He asked desperately and took one of his son's hands, "Kurt, can you hear me buddy?"</p><p>There was a weak sounding groan, like he was in pain, and before Burt even knew what was happening the machines around Kurt started going nuts, and his son was arching and jolting.</p><p>Nurses and a doctor rushed in and pushed Burt aside, and he couldn't only watch with horror, Kurt's body convulse and spasm on top of the bed.</p><p>He could only focus on Kurt's face which was screwed up against the mask over it, breath coming rapidly and clouding the inside of the mask. He watched as a few nurses were trying to hold him still while the doctor checked on the I.V and injected something into it.</p><p>After a few seconds, Kurt's body relaxed and he stopped jolting around. Burt was breathing heavily and as the nurses checked the machines and made sure that Kurt was okay, the doctor turned to him.</p><p>"He had a seizure," he explained to a still terrified looking Burt, "but it wasn't anything too serious. They are actually fairly common when patients have brain injuries."</p><p>"Why did he have a seizure? is there something wrong with his brain?" Burt asked with a small whimper, clutching his shirt in one hand, feeling out of breath and fidgety.</p><p>"We won't know that until we check the MRI again, he'll be wheeled down shortly to check on what's happening."</p><p>"Can i go with him?"</p><p>"We prefer that you stay here, it won't take long and we'll bring him back straight after." The doctor said a little sadly, and placed a hand on Burt's arm, "we're just going to check him out, ok?"</p><p>Burt could only nod as the doctor and some of the nurses began unhooking Kurt from a couple of the machines and then wheeling the bed away and out of the door.</p><p>He shakily took a seat again while he waited.</p><p>xoxoxox</p><p>Pain. Again</p><p>That was all he could feel.</p><p>There was somebody speaking to him, and he was laying flat on his back. The pain was lessened a little but he could still feel it. There was a light and someone messing around his eyes.</p><p>Something flashed. That hurt.</p><p>There were still voices around him, but he couldn't understand what they were saying.</p><p>He was being moved around, and every movement shot pain through him. He wanted to tell them to stop but he didn't have the energy and couldn't focus on the words to say. Confusion and pain fogged his brain.</p><p>He had barely opened his eyes on his own when a white light was flashed in them again and he groaned. The sound reverberating in his chest and his lungs burned making the pain worse. It was like a hot iron shooting through him, making him shake and groan again.</p><p>"-it...hand...all...-"</p><p>He had trouble following that voice, it sounded a little worried but then all of a sudden the pain was gone, and he slipped back into the blackness of his mind.</p><p>xoxoxoxox</p><p>"Mr Hummel?"</p><p>Burt looked up as the doctor came back into the room, but he didn't look like he had bad news to tell. But he was a little nervous.</p><p>"Doc?"</p><p>"He was conscious." he told him, causing Burt to sigh in relief, "while he was in the MRI machine, the flashing lights disoriented him a bit i think, and he was following my voice for a little while, but he was moaning in pain so we put him back to sleep, so that we could finish the scan of his head."</p><p>"So, what does that mean?" Burt asked and the doctor smiled at him.</p><p>"The brain scans came back a little clearer, there were a few parts we were worried about, but seems like the activity of his brain is going up. Looks like he might wake up permanently soon."</p><p>"So he'll be ok?" Burt asked quietly, hoping to all that was holy that earlier was just a hiccup.</p><p>"We won't know the extent of the damage to his mind until he does wake, but we're hopeful he won't have any major issues."</p><p>"What about the seizure?"</p><p>"It was a reaction to the chemicals in his brain being put under a lot of strain, the situation, the activity and the pain...he was just reacting and his brain went into overdrive."</p><p>"It didn't hurt him more?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Burt let out a breath he had been holding and smiled back at the doctor, who smiled back to him.</p><p>"They're getting him hooked up to more medicine, and he will be wheeled back to the room in a few minutes."</p><p>"Ok."</p><p>xoxoxoxoxo</p><p>As Burt had promised, after Kurt had been wheeled back into the room, he called Blaine to tell him the news of what happened. Blaine had some of the same fears and questions but after Burt had reiterated the doctors words to him, he heard him sigh with relief just like he had in the hospital room.</p><p>"So does that mean he'll be ok?" Blaine asked and Burt looked over at his sleeping son, some of the tubes had been removed and he looked a lot better.</p><p>"Maybe, we'll see how he is when he wakes up."</p><p>"Can i come down?" Blaine asked a little too hopeful, voice cracking a little and Burt smiled.</p><p>"Yeah, kid, you can come down."</p><p>"Ok, see you soon."</p><p>He called Carole and Finn next, who had also exclaimed their relief that Kurt might actually be ok, and had told Burt that they would also be there soon.</p><p>He wondered how long it would be until Kurt woke up. They had given him a lot of pain medication now, so that if he woke up again, there would be no reason for his brain and nervous system to be overloaded by sensations.</p><p>Burt just hoped Kurt woke up soon, he needed to let him know he was here.</p><p>Blaine arrived with coffee and muffins, giving some to Burt, who thanked him, realizing once he had eaten that he was hungry. He was grateful the kid had the mind to think ahead, because Burt's only focus was on Kurt and not himself.</p><p>Blaine had gestured that he wanted to sit and talk to Kurt, so Burt nodded and vacated the closer chair to let Blaine sit down. He watched as his son's boyfriend took his hand gently and smiled at him while talking quietly.</p><p>The kid was so engrossed in watching Kurt and talking to him, that he didn't even notice when Carole and Finn came into the room. Carole had looked between Burt and Blaine for a moment, before going to give her husband a hug.</p><p>"How are you doing?" she asked him, whispering so that she didn't disturb the atmosphere in the room, which was a lot less tense than when she was last here.</p><p>"I'm doing ok, i guess, just can't wait to talk to him and see those eyes open again."</p><p>"Mm."</p><p>After Blaine had finished talking to Kurt, he finally noticed that Carole and Finn were watching him, so he got up to greet them and let Finn take his place to give Kurt his own well wishes.</p><p>As Finn was moving from the chair, there was slight movement from Kurt. His fingers twitched a little violently, clenching around the cast on his hand, before his closed eyelids squinted tightly.</p><p>They all waited with bated breath before as Kurt's eyelids moved and twitched, the muscles not used to opening them anymore. But Kurt gave up in trying to open them and instead moved his face a little.</p><p>"...ugh..." came from his lips, and the groan sounding a little rough and choked, but it made them all rush over to his bedside.</p><p>None of them said anything, not wanting to overwhelm Kurt with so much noise, but Burt grabbed a hold of Kurt's fingers, which were still clenching and unclenching around his cast.</p><p>"Hey buddy, I'm right here." He said quietly, leaning down to his son's face, which frowned at the sound.</p><p>"D-da...hg." Kurt tried and failed to say the word, but everyone knew what he was saying, 'Dad.'</p><p>"Kurt, I'm so happy you're awake." Burt said as tears clouded his vision, taking in his son's facial movements, noting the sluggishness and the deep frown that was pulling his eyebrows together.</p><p>"G-g...gh..."</p><p>"Don't try to talk, bud. it's ok."</p><p>They were all crying by this point, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Kurt's eyes opened and even though the blue irises were ringed with red, and some broken blood vessels made them look sore, none of them had ever seen anything so beautiful.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. It Would All Be Different Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had to hold off on the elated emotions for now. Kurt had woken up but his body was still healing and he was still in a lot of pain, so the doctor ordered a lot of rest and the less visitors the better until Kurt was more aware and more awake. At the moment, Kurt could only stay awake for about a minute before he fell asleep again.</p><p>When asked if it was normal for someone to be so tired after sleeping for so long, the doctor explained that the body had to get used to moving and dealing with outside influences again. As Kurt was recovering still from injuries, it put a lot of pressure on his body to heal, which would give him even less energy than before.</p><p>So now they had to wait until Kurt was awake and aware. Which took another week or so.</p><p>Blaine was amazed at how quickly Kurt's body took to come back to normal. His breathing was better, now that his ribs were healing, his face had more colour now that he was moving his head around a little. He just looked like the normal Kurt now.</p><p>But...</p><p>His eyes were dull. The blue was still as bright as ever and it was great to see him looking back when talking to him. But there was something missing from them, the spark of life in them that Kurt always had, his fire, was not present.</p><p>It made Blaine's heart ache to see Kurt try to smile at them all as they spoke to him, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, there was pain there and confusion. And even though Kurt had been told by the doctor and Burt about why he was in the hospital, he couldn't respond.</p><p>His brain injury had affected his speech a little and his movement, and you could see it in him every time he struggled to speak, and the words came out garbled and intelligible. He could see Kurt's frustration at that, and every time someone would ask him a question he only shook his head or nodded.</p><p>Blaine wanted time alone with him, but he had to wait. He and Blaine could always just communicate without words and he needed Kurt to know without telling him, that he loved him and he would be here for him. Always.</p><p>The time came though, once Carole and Burt had gone to the hospital cafeteria for something to eat, and some time to talk, Blaine got his moment alone with Kurt.</p><p>He sat by his side and smiled gently at his boyfriend, who only quirked his lips up a little and sat patiently waiting for Blaine to say something.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're awake baby." he started and he could see Kurt's eyes sparkle a little before it dimmed again as he kept his gaze on Blaine, "and i know it's going to take a long time for you to communicate with us. But we've never really needed words between us have we?"</p><p>Kurt gave him an understanding look, and Blaine nodded and took his hand. Feeling Kurt clasp his fingers back was such an exciting moment. He had sat and held his hand over the last month and half while Kurt hadn't responded, and now that he could, Blaine felt his heart soar.</p><p>"You have to know, i love you. And i only want what's best for you, it's going to take a while for you to get back on your feet, but baby...i'll be here for whenever you need me. You know that right?"</p><p>Kurt nodded and Blaine stood up to sit on the edge of the bed, just to be a little bit closer.</p><p>"Can i give you a kiss?" he asked with a smile and Kurt grimaced a little and Blaine actually understood.</p><p>"I know, you haven't brushed your teeth in weeks and it might be bad, but i really missed you. And you know i don't really care about that." he responded and Kurt rolled his eyes a little, but he managed a tiny smile. "so can i?"</p><p>Kurt nodded a little and looked around the room first before he closed his eyes and waited. Blaine leaned in and cupped one cheek in his hand, running his thumb underneath his eye a little and waiting for Kurt to open his eyes again. It still made Blaine a little angry to see those broken blood vessels in Kurt's left eye, but it was still so good to see those eyes.</p><p>He closed the distance and placed his lips softly against his boyfriend's slightly chapped ones, moving them gently along and around. He tilted his head to the side and pushed them a little bit harder against Kurt's when he responded and kissed him back gently.</p><p>As Blaine pulled away there was a tiny hint of satisfaction on Kurt's face, but it was gone again when he opened his eyes and looked at Blaine. His eyes were still dull. Blaine knew that a kiss wouldn't fix anything, but he hoped that his love for Kurt would help him heal inside a little.</p><p>"Baby, i get it. This is your hill to climb. But i can help, if you want me to." Blaine said as he continued to rub Kurt's cheek with his thumb and Kurt sighed a little as he leaned into the touch.</p><p>Blaine could see so much pain in those eyes he loved so much, but he wasn't prepared for them to fill with tears that began falling silently down his cheeks. He did hiccup a few times but he didn't cry out loud, his face scrunched as the tears kept falling and Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's neck gently, to hold him.</p><p>Kurt's hand moved slightly, but with the little control Kurt had, he couldn't raise it anymore, so Blaine moved to grab his hand and pull it up gently, placing it between them over both their hearts, trapping it between their bodies as Kurt buried his face into Blaine's neck.</p><p>Blaine's own tears fell as he held Kurt, listening to the breathy hiccups that were coming from him. And that's how they stayed until Kurt was asleep again, and Blaine lay him back into the bed and got up to wipe his own face.</p><p>xoxoxoxoxox</p><p>The doctor had been discussing things with Burt for about 20 minutes, and Blaine was standing with Carole getting really anxious.</p><p>When he had turned up to the hospital on the Saturday after Kurt had woken up with a bright smile on his face, Carole had stopped him before he could go inside, explaining that the doctor was talking to Burt about something and that Kurt had an explosive episode this morning so he was being hooked up to more machines. Nobody could see him until the doctor had finished talking to Burt.</p><p>Blaine wanted to ask what sort of explosive episode Carole was talking about, but he kept quiet. Some part of him didn't really want to know.</p><p>When Burt appeared and saw Blaine standing with Carole, he gave them both a sad smile.</p><p>"Kurt was told this morning by me and the doctor, about the sexual assault. And he had a complete meltdown." He explained as he came to a stop in front of them, but it was more for Blaine's sake than Carole's because she already knew, "he ripped some of the tubes out of his arms, he rolled around on the bed so much in a fit of rage that he hurt one of his wrists again, so they're bandaging that back up."</p><p>Blaine's eyebrows shot up and a frown appeared on his face.</p><p>"Do you think i can see him Burt?" He asked hopefully, and Burt shook his head.</p><p>"He won't talk to any of us, i don't think it's a good idea kiddo." The man told him with a sad look, and Blaine breathed out a sigh.</p><p>"Please...if i can at least try...maybe i can calm him down."</p><p>Carole stared at Blaine's pleading face and placed her hand on Burt's arm and the man nodded reluctantly.</p><p>"Alright, i guess you can try. But they're still busy with him in there, once they come out, you can go in."</p><p>Blaine gave him a sad smile.</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>As Burt sat down with a resigned sounding sigh, Blaine crossed his arms and stood watching Carole sitting with him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He felt so bad for Burt, having to deal with all of this, and then having to tell Kurt about stuff that he maybe didn't remember. He could see it was wearing him down, all of it. The fact that Kurt may never fully recover, the fact that he was abused and Burt could not help him.</p><p>Blaine felt awful for Burt and everyone that had to go through this. But he felt the most for Kurt. His boyfriend. Someone so strong and gentle and kind, being here in the hospital because he was attacked for being who he is. And then after waking up confused, being told by his father that the worst thing had happened to him.</p><p>He felt sick to his stomach of the thought of Kurt alone in there, suffering in silence and not being able to even speak or shout his frustration.</p><p>The nurses and the doctor all left Kurt's room about 20 minutes later, just as Blaine had sat don next to Carole. He shot one look at Burt, which the man nodded at, and then stood to go and visit his boyfriend.</p><p>As he walked in, Kurt was laying with his head tilted away from the door, and stoically silent. The tension in his shoulders was unmistakable and Blaine sucked in a deep breath as he crossed into the room and closed the door.</p><p>At the sound of the door clicking open and shut, Kurt had turned his head slightly, but didn't look at who it was, probably expecting his father. Blaine took a few silent steps until he reached the bedside, and then moved forward slightly to place his hand on Kurt's shoulder.</p><p>Kurt flinched and Blaine yanked his hand back.</p><p>"Kurt? It's me." He said, holding a small smile as he expected Kurt to turn around to look at him.</p><p>When he didn't turn, Blaine dropped the smile and sighed.</p><p>"Sweetheart, can you look at me?" He tried again gently and Kurt refused to look his way, Blaine moved his hand across the bed slowly and pushed his fingertips against the skin on Kurt's forearm, sighing internally in relief when Kurt didn't flinch again.</p><p>"Baby?"</p><p>Kurt's head nodded a little and his shoulders slumped down, Blaine moved from the side of the bed and walked around it to the other side. Kurt didn't turn his head away, but his gaze was on the floor near the window and didn't move up to Blaine as he sat in the chair in front of him.</p><p>"I know what your dad told you today. I am so sorry baby." Blaine started, choking on his words a little at the dull look in Kurt's eyes, "i can't imagine how hard this is for you to think about...i just want you to know-"</p><p>"Go." Kurt's sudden word stopped Blaine in his tracks and he tilted his head with a confused frown on his face.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Kurt's eyes hardened and he flicked his gaze up to Blaine, making Blaine want to take a step back with the icy coldness in his gaze.</p><p>"Go." he repeated while staring in Blaine's eyes, and Blaine's expression turned into one of complete despair.</p><p>"You want me to go?" He asked as Kurt turned his eyes back to stare at the floor, but he tried to place his fingers on Kurt's hand again and Kurt pulled it away slightly.</p><p>Blaine felt his heart break a little at the coldness in his boyfriend, he knew that it was only directed at him because he was in Kurt's space, but it still hurt. But he knew Kurt was probably feeling uncomfortable and hurt himself so he nodded and slowly stood up.</p><p>"I love you. I'll see you later then." He said, and with no reaction from Kurt, he slowly walked to the door and back out.</p><p>Burt and Carole were watching him from where they were sitting, and Blaine tried to give them both a smile, but his lip trembled instead and only then did he realize they were staring at him because his face was wet with tears.</p><p>"He told me to go." He told them and Carole got up to give him a hug, which he appreciated but it only made his heart hurt more, he pushed away from her gently and then turned to Burt, "i'm gonna go home. Call me when he wants me back."</p><p>Burt stood and patted his shoulders but before Blaine could walk past him, he wrapped one arm around him in a half hug and whispered in his ear.</p><p>"It's just because he's hurting himself, you know Kurt loves you. Don't forget that."</p><p>Blaine nodded against him and threw him a grateful look before waving goodbye to both of them and heading towards the exit of the hospital. Once he got to his car, the sobs exploded. He couldn't help it.</p><p>He knew he was expecting too much from Kurt right now, but he had been 7 weeks without his boyfriend, and it had been hard. He knew it wasn't Kurt's fault but he felt like a failure as a boyfriend himself. He tried so hard to be there every step of the way, and he would be.</p><p>He wouldn't give up on Kurt, he loved him so much.</p><p>But as he sat in his car crying into his arms against the steering wheel, he couldn't help but grieve for their past love and their relationship. It would all be different now.</p><p>So different.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Waiting To Explode</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt was angry. </p><p>And hurt.</p><p>After his father and the doctor had told him about what had happened to him, telling him the worst ever news that Kurt could have ever heard, he had lashed out. He had felt the rage boil up so quickly, along with confusion and he had thrashed around on the bed, trying to get the wires out that were irritating him since he woke up. He knew it was a little juvenile reacting like that, but he could not control himself. </p><p>But afterwards, the hurt had settled into his body and mind, and he let the nurses and the doctor fix things that he had destroyed when he was in a fit of anger, and after...he just sat and stared at the window. </p><p>He felt a small fraction of guilt for the pain in Blaine's eyes when he told him to go, but his vocabulary was diminished at the moment, so he couldn't exactly explain that he needed time to himself. He knew that he had hurt his boyfriend, but he really didn't want anybody to tell him things would be okay right now.</p><p>They would never be okay. </p><p>They had taken the one thing from him that was precious, and he couldn't get it back. He had been assaulted and beaten, something taken from him that he had only wanted to be Blaine's. He had lost control of everything in his life that he held close. </p><p>And now he didn't really know what to feel. </p><p>After Blaine had left, Burt and Carole had come back inside the room, but he would not look at either of them. They tried to talk to him, but he kept to himself. He didn't want to hurt anymore people right now, Blaine was enough. </p><p>So staying silent was a good thing. If his stupid mouth and brain were working properly, he would probably describe the grief and pain he felt inside, but he couldn't. The only things he could do was say small words right now. That wouldn't help anything.</p><p>He was so done with all of this. Sometimes his mind jumped to what ifs. What if they hadn't done this? What if they had killed him? What if Blaine didn't want him anymore because he was so damaged? What if he never got better? What if he couldn't sing or perform? </p><p>And if they had killed him, he wouldn't be so hurt right now. His chest still hurt, that dull aching pain when he breathed, and the sharp pain from his wrist which he had broken again when he had his fit, they grounded him in the moment and wouldn't let his mind escape right now. </p><p>He just wanted it to away. He wanted all of it to go away. Maybe they really should have killed him.</p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxox</p><p> </p><p>Kurt's silence was starting to scare Burt. He knew his son was stuck inside himself a little because of his lack of coordination and speech, but the way he ignored everyone was making Burt fear for his emotional state. </p><p>He knew Kurt was angry and sad, and he knew that it would be up to Kurt to make himself feel better, but he also wanted to be there for his son to lean on. A shoulder to cry on. </p><p>Burt had been a little shocked that Kurt had told Blaine to go away, but he knew deep down that Kurt wanted people around. Especially his boyfriend. Blaine hadn't been back yet, almost 4 days later. He had kept him updated on how Kurt was doing, like he had promised the kid. But Blaine refused to come and see Kurt unless he was asked for. </p><p>Burt felt bad for Blaine, the kid was the one of the guys that had found Kurt, his own boyfriend, like he was. He had been resolutely by his bedside until made to go home, he had been there for everything that Kurt needed. He had talked to him, he had sung for him, he did his son's moisturising face stuff and his hair. The kid had been there consistently, and now he was told to go away.</p><p>Although Burt worried about Blaine's feelings, he worried about Kurt's more. </p><p>The tense shoulders and refusal to acknowledge anybody that came to see him, wasn't the right way that Kurt needed to deal with this. But what could he do. He could only sit by him and hope that eventually Kurt would talk to him, or look at him.</p><p>"Buddy, i know this is getting you down, but you need to try and speak to us. Let the frustration out somehow. This is a lot to deal with, but you don't have to go through this alone." He tried, and still Kurt stared at the window and refused to turn.</p><p>Burt sighed and raised his hand to scratch the back of his head. He could see the tension rise in his son's shoulders and from this angle he could see how his jaw clenched as well. At least he was listening.</p><p>"I've always been proud of how strong you are, but me and everyone else, we can be the strong ones for you too you know. You don't need to close us out. We just want to help." He continued on, and Kurt turned to glare at him.</p><p>"H-h-help...h-how..?" Kurt's question was strained but his face was a dark mask of unbridle rage again, "...t-tell...m-mm-e....w-w-wha-t ki-nnd o-o-of h-h-help d...do i n-n-need."</p><p>Burt frowned as Kurt was shaking as he spoke, that glare at his father intensifying rapidly, the monitors at his bedside started to beep loudly, and Kurt raised one of his arms to scratch at the back of his other hand, where the i.v was. Burt leaned forward reaching out his hand to try and ease his son's fingers but as soon as he came in contact with his son's hand, it was slapped away and then Kurt went haywire again.</p><p>He was flipping on the bed and dragging himself around, pulling all of the things attached to him off, and as the machines all beeped now, a rush of nurses and the doctor came in to settle him down.</p><p>Burt could only watch as he stood back from the bed, as Kurt growled and screeched at them all as they tried to hold him down so that he didn't do more damage. He caught one of the nurses in the stomach with his casted wrist, and she grunted as she moved back, before the doctor was there and stabbing a needle into his arm. All of a sudden Kurt's body calmed and they were able to settle him down and reattach some of the wires. </p><p>After he was settled, the doctor turned back to face Burt. </p><p>As Kurt's father looked ashen and frightened he placed a hand on Burt's shoulder in comfort.</p><p>"You okay Mr Hummel?" He asked and Burt nodded a little but still had worried eyes on his son, who was now asleep on the bed, "seems like he has some problems controlling himself. Did he say anything before this one?"</p><p>"He said to 'tell him what kind of help he needs'...and then he just-" Burt trailed off and the doctor hummed.</p><p>"His emotions are hard to regulate and hard to control, with all the things he has been told and all the things his body is going through. We expected this. It will be too hard for him to control, with all the other things going on around him right now. Don't take it personally, it's a part of the injury to his brain." </p><p>"Will he ever be able to control it?" Burt asked, feeling suddenly out of his depth with this, and the doctor gave him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>"In time, when he deals with what happened to him. Therapy will help with regulating his emotions as well as helping him move on from his trauma." He explained to Burt, "it's not unusual for patients like Kurt to completely flip out in anger, especially when he doesn't have control over any part of himself right now."</p><p>"Doc, it's frightening."</p><p>"I know." the doctor patted his shoulder once more before moving to the door, "press the call button when he wakes up, i need to assess if there is any more damage."</p><p>Burt nodded with a sigh and went to sit back in his seat as the doctor left. He placed his head in his hands as his breathing returned to normal. He could feel his heart beating wildly, and he knew if was just because of the fear he had right now. </p><p>His son was not himself, and he would probably never be the same boy they all knew now. Which was expected he knew. But Burt hadn't expected the uncontrollable anger and lashing out that he did. It had frightened him. A lot.</p><p>xoxoxoxox</p><p> </p><p>Blaine couldn't stay away. He was back in the hospital 5 days after Kurt told him to go. Burt had phoned him yesterday and told him that Kurt had another rage fit when Burt tried to talk to him about getting help.</p><p>Blaine knew it was hard for Kurt right now. He just wanted to be by his side, even if Kurt didn't want him there, he was a loyal boyfriend. He had to be.</p><p>As he got to Kurt's floor, the doctor was just coming out of his room, and waved at Blaine with a smile as he walked past. He could hear some kind of noise from inside, and Burt's voice talking. As he got to the door and opened it, he saw Kurt trying to shout at his dad, his hands and feet were strapped to the bed so that he couldn't move and Burt was trying to calm him down.</p><p>"...g-gget t-this o-o-off..." Kurt's slurred and broken speech was icy and cold, glaring at his father where he stood over Kurt's bed.</p><p>"You can't do this to yourself anymore Kurt. Me and the doctor agree, you'll only hurt yourself more if you do this. That's why-"</p><p>"Fuck!" Kurt screamed at the top of his lungs. </p><p>Blaine's eyes widened at that, sure he had heard Kurt swear a little when they were in a passionate embrace, but Kurt didn't swear outside of the bedroom. He had never once sworn in anger either. He called it undignified. </p><p>Blaine stepped through the doorway carefully, but Kurt's eyes shot to him and he growled again.</p><p>"G-get out!" He shouted and Burt told him to calm down again, even as Blaine's heart ached at the words. </p><p>But he continued to the bedside and sat in the chair next to Kurt.</p><p>"Kurt, it doesn't do anybody any good, if you're shouting and lashing out. Especially you." Burt said in a calm tone, but stern and Kurt huffed and turned away from them both.</p><p>Burt smiled at Blaine and Blaine tried to return it, but he couldn't. His worried eyes were still on his angry boyfriend. </p><p>"He's been like this since he woke up this morning," Burt explained still keeping his eyes on his son, "the doctor asked me if we could use the straps, so he wouldn't injure himself anymore. But he still hasn't calmed down yet."</p><p>Before Blaine could reply Kurt growled again and turned to glare at his father.</p><p>"F-fuck all of y-y-you!" he screeched again and tried to move, but the straps kept him still, even as he clenched his teeth and thrashed his head around.</p><p>"Kurt, you're boyfriend came to see you, aren't you even going to say hello?" Burt asked and Kurt huffed.</p><p>"It's okay, he doesn't have to say anything." Blaine said, feeling obliged to mediate Kurt's temper, "i just wanted to come and see him."</p><p>"You sure you're ready for this?" Burt asked Blaine seriously and he nodded with a small smile.</p><p>"Of course." </p><p>"Go a-awayy!" Kurt shouted from the bed, but he didn't even turn around to look at either of them. </p><p>Burt shook his head and sighed before sitting down in the chair on the other side of the bed, the way Kurt was facing and Kurt turned his face away, but the only place he could really look was at Blaine. He growled again and sneered when Blaine gave him a small smile.</p><p>"Hey Kurt-"</p><p>"D-did..n't i t-tell y-y-yoou to g-go?" came Kurt's sharp interruption, glaring fully at Blaine now, and although a pang of hurt shot through Blaine's chest, he took it on the chin and only continued to smile.</p><p>"Yeah, but i though i should be here, you know. Because i love you." Blaine explained simply, but Kurt only gave an evil sounding laugh.</p><p>"O-oh y-eh?...w-well w-where w-were you..." he all but growled and Blaine couldn't help the small frown of hurt that crossed his face.</p><p>"Kurt, you're not being fair to Blaine. He helped find you." Burt said from the other side, and making eye contact with Blaine, letting him know that it was just the anger talking. "There is no blame on Blaine for any of this."</p><p>"Kurt...i get this is hard baby, but i'm here for you." Blaine said gently, but Kurt thrashed around again.</p><p>"I d-don't care....i don't care...I DON'T CARE!" he repeated it over and over again, getting louder and louder and his voice becoming stronger every time, until his voice cracked and he coughed.</p><p>"Kurt, your throat is still healing kid, you can't shout." </p><p>"G-get a-a-aw-ayy f-f-from me." he said in a raspy choked voice now, like what he first had when he woke up.</p><p>Kurt was grunting again, trying to move his body around on the bed, and failing that he began shouting again, shouting and shouting, no matter how many times Burt and Blaine explained about his throat, he shouted until he had a huge coughing fit and spat blood on the bed. Blaine was alarmed but Burt was still calm as he cleaned off Kurt's lips of the blood. </p><p>"You need to stop buddy, okay. Calm down please." he said soothingly as he continued to clean off Kurt's chin of the blood. "You've ripped your throat again Kurt, you can't keep doing that."</p><p>Kurt said nothing now, but his jaw clenched and his eyes dulled a little in pain. He tried to swallow and ended up coughing again. Burt pressed a button on the top of the wall and soon Kurt was relaxing back onto the sheets and falling asleep as the pain medication knocked his already overly exhausted body out.</p><p>Blaine sat stock still for a little while, until Burt broke the silence. </p><p>"Hard to watch huh?" </p><p>Blaine looked over at the man, who had sat back in his seat, and nodded. It was hard to see Kurt losing control like that. And even though Burt had explained the entire thing to Blaine, it was still quite a shock to see.</p><p>"Yeah, erm...i've never ever seen him like that." he eventually said in a small voice.</p><p>"Me neither. But if you can get passed all that, you'll be alright." </p><p>Blaine looked back over at Kurt. The angry lines across his face relaxed now as he slept and thought about everything that they still needed to deal with. If Kurt had no control over his emotions it would make it even more difficult for him to get help. Kurt was also a proud person who never liked seeming weak...add in the mixed anger and hurt. </p><p>Well...it was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Just Time. That's All They Need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING! VIOLENT FLASHBACK IN THIS CHAPTER!</p><p>Just to let you all know... XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the last 17 days, a lot had happened in the hospital surrounding Kurt. He had surgery for his knee, replacing the broken knee cap with a prosthetic one, and resetting a wrist that he had broken again. After the surgery Kurt was a little sleepy again, and barely talking to anyone. Physical therapy also started, only with his arms for now, because his leg was still healing. After 7 days though, the doctor checked his knee and he was good to work on the physical therapy on his leg muscles. Now that the casts were off, having already been on for 8 weeks, Kurt's movements were shaky and painful, but he needed to do it.</p><p>They needed to get his body back into rhythm, after being in bed for over 10 weeks now, it was imperative that he get up and start moving. Little by little he could move around a bit more easily, but he still was not trusted to lift anything heavier than his own hand for now, or walk by himself.</p><p>A week and a half of physical therapy brought some colour back to him too, and Kurt had determination to get back on his feet. Which was praised by everyone. In no time at all, he was ready to be released back into Burt and Carole's care at home, where he would be more comfortable surrounded by his own things.</p><p>His anger issues were still present, but Burt and Carole had been having many discussions about the management with the doctor, and saw a specialist about the right way to hold someone down if they were lashing out, so they wouldn't hurt them. Blaine learned that too, and Finn, so that they were all ready to help Kurt ease into being back at home.</p><p>They were all excited when Kurt was given his release forms from the doctor, and Burt had bought a wheelchair especially for transporting Kurt home. Plus he would need it to get around at home too.</p><p>Kurt himself, wasn't that excited. He was just silent. He had been silent for the last 2 weeks, since the surgery on his knee. Blaine was worried about him, but he thought Kurt might open up a little more when he was at home, so he left it alone until then.</p><p>Kurt was helped into the back of Carole's car, because she had a sliding door on her van, Blaine buckled him in, and sat beside him, while Burt and Finn took Burt's truck home. Once home, Kurt huffed at being lifted out of the car and put back in the wheelchair, but still didn't say a word.</p><p>Once inside the house, there was a big banner hanging above the kitchen doorway, that said Welcome Home, which Blaine, Rachel and Finn had put up for him. But Kurt only spared it a seconds glance before looking back down at his feet.</p><p>"Welcome home buddy, i know you're going to like what we got you." Burt said as he clapped a hand on Kurt's shoulder.</p><p>"Over here Kurt." Blaine said as he walked over to reveal what they bought for his return home.</p><p>Blaine stood next to a new red chair in the corner of the room, and as Blaine lifted his hand he held a remote and shot a smile at his boyfriend before pressing a button on it. The chair lifted itself slowly from sitting into an upright position. And Blaine pressed the button to put it back down again.</p><p>"It's so that you can sit and stand on your own when you're walking, we thought it might be better on your new knee." Blaine said and Kurt blinked a couple of times before sneering at the chair and turning his head away.</p><p>Blaine deflated a little and looked over at Burt, who only shrugged a little and gave Blaine a small sympathetic smile.</p><p>"Why don't we take you to your room, we moved you down to the basement again, and Finn has been helping me plan it all out for your recovery." Burt said as he wheeled Kurt's chair over to the basement door, and then opened it, revealing a new stair lift waiting on the inside.</p><p>Kurt glared at the lift but made no comment as Burt moved him out of th chair and into the lift. Pressing the button on the side so that it moved down slowly, and he walked down the steps along side his side.</p><p>As they came to the bottom, Blaine brought down the wheelchair and set it in front of Kurt.</p><p>"The bathroom had a walk in shower, with a seat while you're getting back on your feet. And the closet handles have been moved down so that you can reach them while you're in the chair. Although hopefully it won't be too long until you can use the walker we got for you." Burt was explaining as he was showing Kurt around the room, and then after the small tour he stopped the wheel chair next to the bed.</p><p>"This is also new." He said as he produced a remote from the bedside table and pressed it to lower the bed, "so you can get yourself in and out. What do you think? Nice right."</p><p>Kurt only watched with a blank expression before turning his gaze back to the floor again, saying nothing. Burt coughed a little and didn't let the silence bother him, putting the remote back down and wheeling Kurt back to the stair lift.</p><p>"We can try all of that out later, huh?" Blaine said as Burt lifted Kurt to the stair lift again, "your dad said it was okay that i come over to help you get around while he and Carole are at work."</p><p>Kurt still said nothing but glared over at his father at that.</p><p>"Don't give me that look, he's your boyfriend, he's more than qualified to look after you." He told his son with a smile as he walked back up the stairs along side him, "besides, with all the house bills piling up i'm afraid i have to go back to work kiddo. But i'll always be a phone call away if you want me here."</p><p>As Blaine placed the wheelchair back outside the basement room door, and walked out to let Burt put him back in it, Kurt grabbed one of his father's hands to stop him from pushing him back to the living area for a moment.</p><p>"Why?" he asked with a croaky voice, "w-why are you a-a-all so g-god d-d-damn happy about this? G-g-getting all th-th-is stuff in tt-to help me like y-y-you expect m-me...t-t-to be in this ch-cha-chair forever."</p><p>"Kurt, it's just to help you move around independently while you're legs are healing. And you're getting stronger every day. I don't expect you to be in this wheelchair forever, but all of this stuff will help you." Burt explained, making eye contact with his son for the first time today, "and we're all happy because you're here...alive and home."</p><p>Kurt had no response to that, so he just dropped his gaze and Burt wheeled him back into the living room. Kurt was exhausted already, he could feel his energy waning as he was wheeled through to the kitchen.</p><p>Carole was making some thing to eat for everyone, Finn and Blaine were just chatting happily and Burt walked over to give his wife a kiss on the cheek and to help her with the food.</p><p>Kurt narrowed his eyes at the scene before him. They were acting like nothing changed, that everything was as it should be.</p><p>And he could feel his anger building again.</p><p>He tried to ignore it, but it was difficult. There was still so much anger and hurt inside him, and at the moment right now, nobody was acting like the worst thing ever had happened to him. Why were they so happy when he felt like shit?</p><p>Why did they think that just because he was back home, that everything would magically get better? He didn't understand. He was tired and his legs hurt, he was getting a headache too.</p><p>"Kurt, baby, are you okay? You look a little pale." Came Blaine's voice next to him, and then Kurt realized that everyone was staring at him.</p><p>"Buddy? You alright?" his dad asked as well, and Kurt felt like he was trapped, he couldn't leave and he couldn't move by himself and now he was being scrutinized by every pair of eyes in the kitchen.</p><p>This wasn't right. He wanted out. Now.</p><p>He closed his eyes tightly as he took a deep breath, but as soon as Blaine's hand touched him, he flinched back so violently that the wheel chair tipped backwards and he fell to the floor.</p><p>As the back of Kurt's head hit the floor beneath him, darkness flashed in front of his vision and there was someone standing over him. He could see he had his own hands up in front of himself trying in vain to plead with this guy, and others were close by laughing as he yelled in pain.</p><p>"Please, please don't do this...please!" he begged the person above him to stop hurting him, he could feel the breaks in his legs and his entire body was cold from the rain.</p><p>He could hear the wind whipping around him in the dark of the field. The guy standing over him smiled evilly and produced a bat in one hand and a steel cord in the other. Kurt felt fear grip him and he begged to be let go.</p><p>"Please...i don't know what i did. Please let me go. Don't do this please!"</p><p>But it was no use the bat came swinging down over and over again. Kurt gasped and grunted in pain at the force of those swings hit his stomach and chest, and then connecting with his arm too as he put it up to stop the bat. It broke, he could feel the bone snap and he howled in pain again.</p><p>The guy stopped swinging for a moment and then smiled down at him again, he said something that Kurt could barely make out before brandishing the cord in his hand like a trophy and leaning in closer.</p><p>"No! No please!"</p><p>As the flashback left Kurt's vision, there were multiple hands that suddenly grabbed at his arms and chest and he screamed. He screamed so loud, that it hurt his throat, he could feel his eyes streaming with tears that burned.</p><p>The hands all left him and he tried as much as he could to curl up in a ball to protect himself. He was shaking and his head hurt. His chest hurt where he couldn't catch his breath, he shut his eyes and pleaded.</p><p>"S-stop...p-please...d-d-don't hurt m-me..."</p><p>xoxoxoxoxox</p><p>"Let him go." Burt said abruptly as Kurt screamed as they tried to help him up, and immediately everyone dropped their hold on him and stepped back.</p><p>Blaine had tears in his eyes as he stared down at his quivering boyfriend, laying on the floor and curled around himself muttering over and over again, not to hurt him.</p><p>"What's the matter with him? is he having a fit?" Finn asked worriedly and Burt shook his head.</p><p>"No it's not a fit." He said as he looked upon his fragile son, shaking with fear with his eyes closed.</p><p>"Is he having a flashback?" Carole asked from behind all of them and Blaine and Burt exchanged a sad look, before Burt stepped forward and kneeled down next to Kurt.</p><p>"Hey buddy, can you open your eyes? It's me Kurt, it's your dad." He said gently but also loudly, so that Kurt could hear over his own muttering. "Can you open your eyes pal, and see where you are? You're at home Kurt."</p><p>Burt placed one soothing hand on his son's head and Kurt jerked a little but after a few seconds of Burt running his fingers gently through the front of his hair, he relaxed a little and settled down. The shaking stopped and Kurt opened his eyes.</p><p>"Ow." He said as he winced at the pain in his head and his back. "What happened?"</p><p>"You fell out of the wheelchair." Burt explained simply, giving Kurt a small smile, "do you remember anything?"</p><p>"N-no...i d-don't ..r-really hu-rts th-though."</p><p>"Let's get you back up." Burt glanced at both Finn and Blaine and they both nodded before stepping forward and behind him to help him and the wheelchair back up into the right position.</p><p>Once he was back sitting in the chair, Blaine gave him a smile.</p><p>"Baby, we were worried you had knocked yourself out. How do you feel?" He asked as he placed his hand gently on top of one of Kurt's, and Kurt turned his eyes up to him.</p><p>"I-i think i-i need t-to...l-lay down." He said as he looked from Blaine and then shut his eyes with a small sigh.</p><p>"Ok, we'll take you down to bed. Carole can you call the doctor please?" Burt took the handles of the wheelchair and turned it around, before wheeling Kurt through the living room and back to the basement door.</p><p>Carole walked out into the hall to call the doctor and Finn sat back down in the chair at the table with a frown and a sigh.</p><p>Blaine followed after Burt and held the door open so that Burt could place Kurt into the stairlift and walk down along side him again.</p><p>When Kurt had been moved into the bed, Blaine sat by his side as Burt disappeared back upstairs. He gave Kurt a smile as his boyfriend buried his aching head back into his pillows and tried to get comfortable.</p><p>"Do you need some painkillers for your head? You hit it pretty hard back there."</p><p>Kurt gave a small nod and a grateful look as Blaine got up to get the pills from the cabinet in the attached bathroom, bringing them and a glass of water back in for Kurt. Once he had swallowed them and a little water, Blaine sat back down next to him and silently observed him for a while.</p><p>He couldn't get the image out of his head, Kurt laying on the ground and pleading with people not to hurt him, stuck in his own memories. It killed him to see his boyfriend so haunted by his trauma, and so stuck in his fragile and broken body right now. He could only wait and watch with everyone else as Kurt tried to pull his broken pieces back together again.</p><p>"C-can...y-you..." Kurt started, but the slurred way he was speaking was worse now that the painkillers had begun to work on calming his pain down, they also made him sleepy.</p><p>"What do you need? A head massage? A cuddle?" Blaine asked with a smile.</p><p>"t-turn the l-light...o-off...o-o-on y-y-your way o-out."</p><p>Blaine's smile dropped into a small frown, the bit of hope in his chest died at those words. But he only nodded and squeezed Kurt's hand gently before getting off the bed.</p><p>"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Kurt, i love you."</p><p>He didn't get a reply but he had resigned himself to that sort of silent treatment now. He didn't expect it, but he did expect some acknowledgement of some kind. He would just have to be patient and wait.</p><p>He looked over his shoulder one last time at Kurt, sleeping now on the bed, and shut off the light before heading back upstairs to everyone else.</p><p>Time is what they need. Just time.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Nobody Expects You To Be Okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Time jump in this chapter, just a small one. But the fic would be much too long if i did day in and day out chapters lol much much too long for me to even comprehend let alone expect you guys to read, it's already going to be pretty long itself anyway.</p><p>So Kurt goes to therapy....i hope it helps!</p><p>Thanks for reading x i love you all! And remember, its okay to not be okay.</p>
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    <p>1 month later...</p><p>While Blaine made himself busy folding laundry in the Hummel-Hudson household, he thought about what the last 3 months had been like. It was no secret that it had been hard for everyone involved, but things were starting to look a little brighter.</p><p>They all still had a long way to go, especially Kurt, who was getting back to his old self with every day. Although there were some things about Kurt that won't ever go back to normal. His personality was still as sharp as ever and he was internally very brave and strong.</p><p>But...</p><p>Being in a coma for so long had diminished him from the innocent young teen he had been, and for a while when he couldn't move or talk, it was hard. Kurt had always held his emotions close to his heart, and one of the things which had been affected by his trauma was, he could never control his emotions now.</p><p>He was getting better but it was still a rough thing to see and for Kurt to go through.</p><p>Blaine had just folded one of Burt's flannel shirts when he heard a loud crash from the kitchen out back, and a really loud expletive yell from Kurt. He frowned with worry as he ran out of the small laundry room and to the kitchen, where he could still hear Kurt yelling very colourful words.</p><p>As he pushed the swinging door open he was met with a mess. Kurt was stamping one of his feet with an angry expression on his face as he held one of his hands underneath the running water of the sink. Dinner, which had been a chicken casserole that Blaine had helped Kurt put together was all over the floor, the glass dish it was in, having shattered too.</p><p>He bypassed the mess on the floor first, to go straight to Kurt, who had a scowl on his face as he held his wrist tightly underneath the water.</p><p>"Kurt? What happened baby?"</p><p>"Don't!" Came the sharp reply as Kurt refused to look at him, and Blaine put a hand on Kurt's arm in comfort but it was smacked away.</p><p>'Ow.' He thought to himself as he cradled his hand a little at the stinging slap on the back of it, and then turned back to the mess on the floor. He would leave Kurt for now and clean up.</p><p>He went to the storage closet that had the mop and bucket, and then began to mop up the juices that had splattered around while he kept a close eye on Kurt still at the sink. Kurt's mishaps and accidents happened less and less as the weeks went on, but it would make him angry when he couldn't do something by himself and it ended up wrong.</p><p>Like getting dinner out of the oven and dropping it. It wasn't Kurt's fault. The trauma to his head had left lasting effects that he would have forever, like the involuntary muscles spasms and twitches. Kurt admitted he hated it, but there wasn't anything he or anyone else could do about it. And it happened more explosively when he was stressed, which only added fuel to the fire that was his temper.</p><p>Blaine sighed as the worst of it was cleaned up before getting some paper towels out of the storage cupboard and picking up the rest with his hands.</p><p>He glanced over at Kurt again when he heard the tap turn off, and Kurt's back was tense as he stood at the counter. Blaine winced a little as a piece of glass got caught on his thumb and then carefully cleared up the rest as best he could. It would need another mop and probably a good sweep to get the rest of the glass off of the floor.</p><p>He placed the paper towels and the mess in the bin at the side of the kitchen, before chancing another attempt at consoling an angry Kurt.</p><p>"Baby? Can i see your hand?" He asked as he moved to Kurt's side, ignoring his own bleeding thumb at the moment, but Kurt didn't look at him.</p><p>Blaine reached out to grab Kurt's wrist, the one he was holding underneath the water, and without any resistance from Kurt, pulled it closer to expect the big burn mark on the palm of his boyfriend's hand. He grimaced slightly at the blistering on it before dropping the hand gently back down and going in the storage cupboard again for the first aid kit.</p><p>They had kept a lot of first aid kits around the house for these little accidents since Kurt got home. One in the kitchen, two in each bathroom, one in each bedroom and of course, one in the hall closet. They also kept little ones on hand in everyone's car. Just in case.</p><p>He took the burn cream and the bandages from the box, and then gently pulled Kurt backwards so that he could make him sit in a chair at the table. He didn't resist but he still didn't look at Blaine. Blaine tried to ignore the pang of hurt from that, as he worked on rubbing the cream gently on Kurt's palm and then slowly wrapping the clean bandage around it. Once that was done, he put the first aid kit back in the cupboard and stood at the counter in front of Kurt, so that he would actually be in eye line.</p><p>Kurt's ice blue eyes flicked up to lock their gazes a little bit, before looking back down. Blaine internally sighed.</p><p>"Kurt, can you tell me what happened?" He asked gently, not wanting to give his boyfriend any reason to yell at him, which he did a lot after he came home.</p><p>"You know w-w-what happened...my stupid..." Kurt was struggling with getting his words out because he was angry and Blaine didn't know what to do, "..f-f-f fucking hand shook and dropped the damn thing."</p><p>Blaine frowned as he watched Kurt's hand begin to twitch, not a good sign. He was starting to get stressed out. He pushed himself away from the counter and kneeled on the floor in front of Kurt, placing one hand on his knee and one hand over the back of Kurt's twitching one.</p><p>Kurt frowned and tried to pull his hand out from underneath Blaine's but he held firm and Kurt's eyes snapped back to his. The anger in those blue eyes broke Blaine's heart, because it was all directed at himself.</p><p>"Baby, don't do this. You know you can't help it when that happens. And i'm sorry i should have been here." Blaine said gently, caressing the twitching hand with his thumb until the twitches became less noticeable.</p><p>Kurt tried to pull away again, as he retreated inside himself, his eyes guarded and closing himself off again, but Blaine knelt up more so that he could clasp the back of his boyfriend's neck lightly and keep him still. As Kurt had no other choice but to look back at Blaine, his eyes softened slightly and became wet with anguished tears.</p><p>Blaine smiled at him a little and leaned in to plant a soft kiss against Kurt's lips, only a short peck. Kurt didn't really kiss him back anymore but that was okay, Blaine just wanted him to know that he was there. That he wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>Kurt didn't reply, he just closed his eyes and slumped a little. Blaine had not yet received an 'i love you' back from Kurt since before the incident, and he wasn't expecting it. He knew Kurt was warring with himself inside his mind right now, and he had already told Blaine in a huge fight a few weeks back that he didn't deserve Blaine's love anymore.</p><p>He was still trying to push people away, but Blaine was stubborn and would not go anywhere.</p><p>When Kurt opened his eyes again to look at Blaine, they were cold and like ice and Blaine knew that the moment was over so he released his hold on Kurt's neck and knee and stood up. He offered his hand down to help Kurt get up, since his knees were still a little weak after healing from the surgery.</p><p>Kurt took the hand though and let Blaine help him up, which was a good sign. He wasn't trying to push him away just because he didn't love Blaine, he was only doing it out of pride and dignity. Blaine knew that Kurt hated seeming weak.</p><p>He led him out to the living room and pushed him gently down on the special chair they had bought for Kurt, a mechanical one that helps you sit and stand. Kurt had sneered at the sight of it when they first brought him home and shown him it, but now he knew it was needed for him while his body was still getting used to moving around on its own.</p><p>"Sit there, while i go and make something else for dinner. Don't move okay?" Blaine said with a little bit of sass, and saw Kurt's lips twitch a little in a smile before he nodded with a roll of his eyes as the chair sat him down gently.</p><p>Blaine nodded and walked back into the kitchen to see if he could find something else to do, and got out a huge pot and some pasta, and began making another dinner for when Carole and Burt got home.</p><p>Kurt had physical therapy today, at 4pm, and then he had a psychologist appointment at 6pm. He had been attending physical therapy since he was in the hospital, but the psychologist appointments had only started a couple of weeks ago. Kurt claimed it wasn't helping yet, but he still needed to go.</p><p>When Burt came home from work, Blaine was just putting the pasta with tomato and herb sauce in a dish to place in the oven, and he gave him a smile from the kitchen doorway as Burt bypassed the kitchen and went to greet Kurt.</p><p>Blaine could hear that he was talking to Kurt about his day, and he also heard Kurt tell his father about the mishap earlier. Blaine felt bad for Kurt, his boyfriend wanted to be able to do all of his regular things now, having been home for so long now.</p><p>But he still struggled.</p><p>"So i hear there was a little mishap today?" Burt asked as he came into the kitchen and headed for the fridge to get a bottle of water.</p><p>Blaine nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, but i cleaned it up and managed to calm him down." He said while turning to the sink to wash his hands, and placing other things in the dishwasher underneath after that, but he felt a hand on his arm and he turned.</p><p>Burt was looking at him with a worried expression.</p><p>"You okay? I know what it's like for you." He said and Blaine gave him a grateful look.</p><p>It had been the 2nd week of Kurt being at home, when Blaine had broken down. And it wasn't really anything major that happened. He had just been sitting next to Kurt on the couch, while everyone watched a movie together on the Friday night, and he had just reached over to take his boyfriend's hand.</p><p>Kurt roughly pulled his hand away from him and just continued watching the movie like nothing happened. Blaine hadn't known what he had done wrong. had he read the signs wrong? Did Kurt not want him around anymore?</p><p>He had tried to ignore Kurt's jibes at him, and the sheer volume of being told to 'go away' or 'go home' by Kurt. But it did still hurt him so much. He didn't really have a thick skin when it came to his boyfriend, and even though he knew it was because Kurt couldn't really control himself and was still hurt and angry. It just made Blaine feel so much worse.</p><p>Like he wasn't worth Kurt's time or effort anymore. That maybe Kurt didn't really love him or want him anymore.</p><p>He had excused himself before he started crying on the couch, and he walked as quickly and quietly as he could to the bathroom, and then just sat on top of the toilet lid and sobbed into his hands. Kurt's new personality now was so cold, and Blaine felt bad for missing his boyfriend when he was sitting right next to him. He knew Kurt was going through a lot...but so was he.</p><p>The bathroom door opened, and startled Blaine a little. He saw Burt looking at him with sympathetic eyes and Blaine couldn't deny that he needed the comfort right now. So as Burt knelt in front of him and asked him if he was okay, Blaine just collapsed into the man's arms and cried into his shirt.</p><p>After that, Burt became the mediator, when Kurt was becoming particularly cruel to Blaine without even realizing he was, Burt would stop him and either change the subject or focus his son's attention on something else. Blaine was incredibly grateful that Burt was in his corner. He didn't understand how Burt remained so calm and collected in front of Kurt's anger and hurtful words.</p><p>He wished he could let it slide, but every word pierced his very soul.</p><p>"Yeah i'm okay, he didn't say anything to me." Blaine replied, giving the man a bright smile, and Burt nodded.</p><p>"I need to take him to his appointment now, we'll be back soon okay?"</p><p>"Okay." Blaine followed after Burt as he went to tell Kurt it was time to go, and Kurt only grumbled a little before he pressed the button on the chair to stand himself up. "I hope this session goes well baby. I'll see you soon."</p><p>Kurt didn't even glance towards Blaine as he followed his dad out to the car, and after the front door closed Blaine sighed loudly.</p><p>He would be waiting around on his own for another half hour before Carole got home and Finn came back from Rachel's house. He had already done the laundry for them and he had cleaned the bathrooms, and vacuumed the carpets. There wasn't much he could do now but sit and relax and wait. But the wait is what killed Blaine the most.</p><p>When he wasn't busy, he felt unsettled. Like something dreadful would happen if he wasn't doing something productive.</p><p>xoxoxoxox</p><p>Kurt hated this room. It was decorated nicely but still he hated it. He hated sitting here and letting someone talk to him. He didn't really respond to any of his questions, and he knew that his father wanted him to be able to talk to someone. But Dr Greene wasn't the person Kurt wanted to talk to. He didn't want to talk to anyone.</p><p>Least of all a psychologist.</p><p>"Good to see you again Kurt." the man said, taking off his glasses and placing them down as he gave Kurt a smile.</p><p>Dr Greene was a middle aged man, with thinning blonde hair on top of his head, flecks of silver streaked through it. He always wore light grey suits too, that was all Kurt had seen him in for the last couple of weeks. His voice was deep and raspy, and if Kurt had been in the right mood to talk to him, he would probably say that his voice was soothing. But he wasn't.</p><p>"How have you been feeling lately. I know we don't get through much in our sessions, but i hope you will talk to me today."</p><p>Kurt huffed and looked away from the man.</p><p>"Would you like to tell me, in your own words, how life has been since leaving the hospital?" Dr Greene asked, undeterred by Kurt's lack of response.</p><p>Kurt shrugged a little but didn't offer any words. His hand twitched violently and he grit his teeth as he placed it underneath one of his legs to hide it.</p><p>He didn't see how any of this would help him. Physical therapy he understood because he needed his body to get stronger to be able to move around without help, and today's lesson had been quite hard on his knee. It was already feeling stiff as he had walked in and sat down slowly on the couch in Dr Greene's office, leaving his father and his wheelchair in the waiting area outside.</p><p>What did everyone think this would accomplish anyway? Wasn't it supposed to be Kurt's own decision whether he needed therapy or not?</p><p>"Has it been strange being home?"</p><p>Kurt didn't respond but Dr Greene wasn't a person to give up easily, that much Kurt could tell. He had already been to these sessions for a couple of weeks now. So far the man seemed nice enough, but it still didn't make Kurt want to discuss his life.</p><p>"I know you have struggled settling in at home, your father told me that much. But I would really like your input. Have you been sleeping and eating well?"</p><p>Kurt looked at him narrowing his eyes. Of course his father would give his therapist updates about his nightmare of a life right now. How could he eat well when he felt sore all day? How could he sleep when almost every night he had nightmares or flashbacks, that were becoming more and more violent? This was ridiculous.</p><p>"I take that as a 'no' then?"</p><p>Kurt snorted, fiddling with the fabric of the couch with his other hand. If that man could answer his questions on his own, why did they force him to come?</p><p>"There isn't a definitive answer for the changed sleeping pattern or eating. That will all sort itself out with time." Dr Greene said giving Kurt a small smile, "is there anything you want to talk about today?"</p><p>"No." Kurt muttered with a huff.</p><p>Maybe if he was sharp with him, he would get the doctor to stop insisting, he would get tired of him and send him home. Kurt could only hope, but Dr Greene just gave a small nod before looking down at his file and looking back up with a curious expression.</p><p>"What about Blaine? I hear he's your boyfriend."</p><p>Kurt turned his attention back to the doctor, his jaw clenched. What? Who did he think he was to mention Blaine? It was painful enough to think of him, but to talk about him with a stranger? Never.</p><p>Dr Greene watched him with a slightly empathetic gaze, and still had that calm smile on his face.</p><p>"Isn't it nice to be able to talk with your boyfriend? From what your father said in his letter to me, seems like you two have been together for a while."</p><p>"If y-you want t-t-to talk about B-blaine, why d-d-don't you mm...m-make him come? I'm s-s-sure he'd be-e happy t-t-to help." Kurt responded brokenly with more venom than he intended, but lately he felt like he couldn't control it.</p><p>And every time he did talk, he hated his voice. He couldn't control the stutter and it pissed him off more.</p><p>"And why do you say that?" Dr Greene asked calmly, completely ignoring Kurt's angry tone.</p><p>"F-forget it." Kurt sighed, looking back at the ground, his hand began twitching more underneath his thigh.</p><p>"Has Blaine been helping out while you've been at home? It must be nice to have so many people in your corner?"</p><p>Kurt felt his blood boil. What was this man's problem? Did he really think it was his life's dream to be surrounded by people who made him feel worthless every minute of the day? That made him feel helpless and in need of pyscho analysis? That made him feel more broken than he is?</p><p>"It's okay to be angry. You're allowed to be. Especially here, it's a safe place you know." Dr Greene went on and it made Kurt's temper flare.</p><p>"S-s-safe p-p-place? I d-don't even w-want to b-b-be here!" He snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand as the other under his thigh began to hurt from the amount of pressure he was putting on it.</p><p>"Is there a reason?"</p><p>"Who c-cares?" Kurt replied with his blue eyes injected with rage.</p><p>"A lot of people care, and even though you may believe that you don't. I think you do. But that is just my opinion."</p><p>Kurt crossed his arms. He wanted that man to shut up, he wanted to get out of there. Why did everyone think they knew what was best for him but no one paid attention to his opinion?</p><p>"I mean, it's obvious that your family cares about you, your dad especially. I'm sure he wants you to get better...although there really is no 'better'. People that go through what you did, even though some handle it differently, it stays with them for the rest of their lives. I say 'better' by meaning you learn how to cope with what happened and move on with your life. That's our main goal here right?" Dr Greene explained as Kurt was silent again, "you must want to move on from all of this eventually right?"</p><p>Suddenly, Kurt's anger melted and all he felt was vulnerable. He hated these mood swings, hated feeling like he had no control over his emotions. He didn't want to just move on... he wanted none of this to have happened. Why him? Why did this have to happen to him?</p><p>"I d-don't think I c-c-can." He confessed, before raising his walls again. "This is p-pointless."</p><p>"I understand why you feel that way."</p><p>And there went his anger flaring back up again.</p><p>"N-no, you d-don't! St-s-stop pretending y-y-oou know h-h-how I f-f-feel? No one d-does!" Kurt raised his voice, but he didn't even feel bad about it.</p><p>"On the contrary, I do." Dr Greene said as he gave Kurt a sad smile, "I know how pointless it all seems when you can't see the other side right now. I know how desperately you want it all to end. But only you have that power to do it. Nobody else."</p><p>Kurt shook his head. It was very easy to talk when your only concern was that people pay you to tell you about their problems. Everyone told him that he would have to go through it, that he had to be happy about his progress, but nobody saw that inside he was just as devastated now as when he woke up in the hospital and they told him what had happened.</p><p>"I mean, if it would help, I can tell you a little bit about myself. And exactly how I understand how you feel?" Dr Greene offered. "it might help you trust me a little more, and make you believe you can move on."</p><p>Kurt chuckled, but it wasn't an amused sound. Now was he going to have to listen to the doctor's sorrows? As if he didn't have his hands full as it was.</p><p>"You'll d-do whatever y-you want, so..." He shrugged.</p><p>"Thing is, therapy actually helped me when I was a teenager." Dr Greene carried on, bypassing Kurt's comment, "I tried to commit suicide when I was 15. Ended up in the hospital for weeks, didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't want to be alive. But it took a while for anyone to get through to me and when I felt better, I really wanted to give back to the community by becoming a therapist myself."</p><p>Kurt stared at him. He didn't expect that. But that story didn't change anything. It didn't mean that he could help him. What was this man's deal anyway? Somehow feeling good that he could relate with a patient? That he wanted sympathy from Kurt?</p><p>Did this guy really see that they were the same?</p><p>"The reason I tried to kill myself was, that I was assaulted the year before that."</p><p>That made Kurt pause in his inner monologue of attacking this man's credibility. Maybe it didn't change what happened to Kurt himself, but he had nobody else around him to talk to about the after effects of something like this.</p><p>But now...Dr Greene had been there? It didn't make sense, because the man in front of him seemed happy and proud. How?</p><p>"It was just a regular day, and I was walking home from a friend's house...some stranger assaulted me and I couldn't cope with it. I started acting out, I started skipping school...even started to take drugs. Nothing helped. But when I was actually ready to move on, therapy helped me see that it wasn't my fault and it was all in my power to help myself move on. Something like that does stay with you, but the strength and determination to get on with your life, that is what all this is about."</p><p>Dr Greene put the file in his hands down on the desk behind him and placed his hands on his legs.</p><p>"So, I don't really know if I will be the one person to help you get there, but I want to try. If you do."</p><p>Kurt felt a pang of hurt and shame in his stomach. The mere mention of the word 'raped' made him want to break everything around him, because that's how he felt, broken. he doesn't feel himself...and he doesn't think he ever will.</p><p>Of course he wanted to get over it, of course he wanted to move on with his life, but he didn't see that as a goal right now. How could he just move on and forget what happened to him? He didn't know how to do it. Maybe that doctor could understand how he felt, but what if all the therapy only brought more pain?</p><p>What if it didn't help at all?</p><p>"I d-d-don't know." It was the only thing he could say.</p><p>"Can you tell me what you're thinking about right now? Or how you feel?" Dr Greene pushed gently.</p><p>Kurt rubbed his face with his hands. "C-c-can't. N-not yet."</p><p>"Are you thinking you might want to try, but don't know how?"</p><p>"I'm t-t-tired, I..." Kurt felt that a small part of him, hidden somewhere in his head, wanted to speak, wanted to get well, but he couldn't find the strength to hold onto it. "M-mm-maybe."</p><p>"Okay. It doesn't have to be today. It doesn't have to be next week or even next month. But I hope sometime, you'll feel ready to talk about what's bothering you the most." Dr Greene grabbed the file back and placed it on his lap, and started to write things down, "it takes time, and sometimes it's not a complete 'fix all', but I hope it will help a little bit."</p><p>That was what worried him the most. What if he would never all be fixed? What would happen to his family, or to Blaine? What if it affected him for the rest of his life?</p><p>"C-can I... c-can I ask you s-s-something?" He asked in a more timid and vulnerable tone than he let himself use in these past few months, and Dr Greene seemed genuinely surprised and curious.</p><p>"Of course you can. What is it?"</p><p>"I f-f-feel angry a-a-all the t-t-ime." He looked down at his lap, pulling his now slightly twitching hand back out from underneath his thigh, and clasping his fingers together, feeling embarrassed. "s-sad, and then aa-angry again, a-and... it's e-e-ex-ex...tiring."</p><p>"You feel you're not in control?"</p><p>"No, I'm n-n-never in c-con-control."</p><p>Dr Greene thought about his answer for a few seconds.</p><p>"It's to be expected right now. I know it feels like you don't have any control but it's just your mind's way of coping. That control will come back in time as well. I can teach you some calming techniques next time if you want. There are a few deep breathing exercises you can do, but Kurt...nobody expects you to be okay with any of this. Because it's not okay. Don't put expectations on yourself about it either."</p><p>"Yeah, I c-could t-try. I've always b-b-been very d-demanding of myself, I d-don't g-g-et along with n-not ...d-d-doing things right, or n-not b-being in cc-control... especially when I f-feel like I'm-" he cut himself off.</p><p>'hurting people i love.' he finished the sentence in his head. But the way Dr Greene was looking at him, Kurt could tell he knew what he was trying to say.</p><p>But Kurt felt like he had suddenly said too much, and he closed in on himself again, looking away from the doctor.</p><p>"Thank you for telling me that. I can assure you, with the loving and caring family and boyfriend you have at home, they don't take any of that personally. Even if you hurt them, they will know it's just because you are so hurt and angry yourself." Dr Greene gave him an encouraging smile, before reaching into one of the desk drawers and handing Kurt a piece of paper, "this leaflet outlines some of the breathing exercises you could do to calm yourself down. Also it is imperative that you have time to yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed."</p><p>Kurt took the piece of paper and nodded, but said nothing.</p><p>"I think our time is just about up, just remember what I said about taking your time okay. You don't ever have to do anything you don't feel ready for."</p><p>'That's easy to say, and yet here I am,' Kurt thought but didn't say it out loud. He tried to get up from the couch by himself but his knee made it too much of a struggle and Dr Greene got up from his chair and held out a hand for Kurt to use as support.</p><p>He had done that the last few sessions too. And Kurt had always refused the help, but now...he took his hand. Even though he was far from grateful.</p><p>He walked slowly to the office door as Dr Greene gave him his space.</p><p>"I'll see you next week Kurt." Dr Greene gave him a smile and a wave.</p><p>Kurt didn't respond anymore, he was already walking out to find his father waiting in the outside sitting area with his wheelchair. Kurt sighed in relief, his knee was hurting already today so he hobbled a little over towards his father, and Burt helped him settle in the chair.</p><p>"Everything go okay?"</p><p>"...fine." Kurt muttered and Burt walked over to the reception desk to set up the next appointment before walking back to help Kurt out to the car.</p><p>Kurt was silent all the way home. Thinking about what Dr Greene had told him today. Obviously Kurt's traumatic experience had inclined the hospital to find a therapist for him that could relate, otherwise maybe it wouldn't have worked.</p><p>Kurt didn't believe yet that talking about his problems and what happened, would magically heal him. Nothing could. But if someone like Dr Greene could work out his stuff and be a successful person, maybe Kurt could too. Like his therapist said, it was only time that will tell.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Please See Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning for trauma flashback and violence in this chapter x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt didn't want to talk to anyone after he got home from therapy. And nobody asked him anything, which was good at least. He could just be right now, his knee was still hurting a little and he was tired so he needed his space. </p><p>Blaine was talking to Carole about something in the kitchen, and Finn was watching a football game on the television. Burt decided to place Kurt on the couch next to Finn for now, while he went into the kitchen to grab Kurt's dinner.</p><p>Finn turned to Kurt and gave him a smile, but with Kurt only narrowing his eyes at him, he soon turned back to the television again. Kurt was grateful that Finn knew what his looks meant now, and he could actually relax and zone out here on the couch without Burt or Blaine around him.</p><p>But it was inevitable that his peace would be shattered as soon as Blaine walked inside the living room.</p><p>"Hey baby." He said in greeting with one of those smiles that Kurt couldn't return, one of those really loving and caring smiles, "how did it go today? Did you talk to Dr Greene?"</p><p>Kurt only shook his head in answer and Blaine dropped down onto the chair next to the couch. Kurt's eyes weren't on Blaine so his boyfriend took the cue to drop the subject. Kurt almost sighed in relief that no more questions were being thrown his way. </p><p>It was hard talking to people, but even harder talking to his family. And Blaine.</p><p>"Who's winning?" Blaine asked Finn as he became invested in watching the football game with his brother and Kurt tuned out their conversation because it didn't involve him.</p><p>Burt placed his dinner on a tray in front of him and he didn't glance up at him before he started picking at it with the fork. </p><p>They all gave Kurt time to sit in silence and eat as much of his dinner as he could, which wasn't much. After he had pushed the tray away from him, Blaine gave him a little smile as he took it and the plate away. Kurt was so tired now. He'd had a long ass day and he just wanted to lay down now.</p><p>But no such luck. After Finn's football game had ended, they all decided to choose a movie to watch tonight, because Kurt hadn't disappeared downstairs yet. Blaine voted for Kurt and himself because Kurt could not fathom the strength for it, and they ended up settling on Tangled. </p><p>It had been a favourite of Blaine's when it had first came out, and Kurt agreed that the Rapunzel story was pretty good. So he didn't mind watching this one now. As long as nobody bothered him before he got to go to bed.</p><p>Through the movie, Kurt kind of zoned out a little. Blaine was laughing at funny parts next to him, although his laugh was quiet because he knew that Kurt hated a lot of loud noise right now. His father and brother were commenting on certain points of it that were confusing, but Carole shut them both up pretty quickly. </p><p>Kurt had forgotten though, about that violent scene at the end of the film, where Eugene is stabbed by Mother Gothel and even though it was a completely different scenario and there were absolutely no connection between the context of this film and what happened to Kurt, it triggered him badly.</p><p>He flinched at the scene and gasped out loud as his brain brought up a memory of that sudden and indescribable pain from when it had happened to him. Being stabbed was the single most painful thing he had been through, and as he was immersed within the memory he reacted a little violently himself.</p><p>He could hear his father calling to him and he could feel hands on him but all he could see right now, was a sardonic and evil smile directed down at him and that cold wet miserable night. The phantom pain in his back was awful as he moved around to try and get away from it. </p><p>"Kurt, can you hear me buddy?" Burt kept asking over and over and over again in a calm tone, not daring to touch his son yet, because Kurt was still flinching and moving around violently on the couch.</p><p>Finn and Carole were standing behind the couch now, just silently watching until they were needed. Burt didn't really know what to do, and then Kurt came back to himself suddenly but he was angry and glaring.</p><p>"St-stop! St-stop s-staring a-at me!" he screamed at everyone and then started throwing the cushions around on the couch, until Burt placed a hand on Kurt's arm to try and connect to him.</p><p>But that only made Kurt screech even more and try to move away from his father. Blaine couldn't bare the pained face Burt was making as Kurt screamed and thrashed around, so he took it upon himself to try and reach his boyfriend too. As he moved forward to sit next to Kurt and reach out with his hand, Kurt's fist came towards his face and he landed on his back on the floor.</p><p>"Oh god!" Carole rushed around the couch to bend down next to Blaine, who sat up a little and raised his fingers to his face, "are you alright sweetheart?"</p><p>"I'm ok." Blaine muttered even as the pain in his lip flared, and he placed his hand over his mouth slightly and groaning under his breath with pain. </p><p>As he looked back up Carole let out another gasp and told Blaine he was bleeding, and she went to get the medical kit from the drawer while Blaine watched Burt and Finn restrain Kurt safely while they worked on calming him down.</p><p>Blaine flailed a little to turn the television off, because the background noise in the room wasn't helping and he sat on the floor just behind the coffee table. When Carole came back to him, she had some cotton cloth in her hand and she made him put it against his lip while she went to get an ice pack too.</p><p>Once Kurt had stopped thrashing around, Burt turned to regard his son's boyfriend who was sitting silently on the floor. Noting the pain in Blaine's face and giving him a sympathetic look.</p><p>"You sure you're okay Blaine?" He asked over the sound of Kurt's laboured breathing and Blaine gave him a short nod so he turned back to Finn, "help me get your brother to his room."</p><p>As Finn and Burt moved Kurt to his room for some rest and some calm down time, Blaine sat on the floor while Carole mothered him a little. She replaced the cloth on his face with an ice bag and as she fussed over him he just sat silently.<br/>
He was trying to be strong about it, Kurt wasn't in his right mind, he was trapped in side his emotions right now. He didn't mean it.</p><p>But on the other hand....tears built in his eyes even while he was trying to fight it, and Carole placing an arm around his shoulders only made it worse.</p><p>"I know you haven't stopped hearing the same thing for weeks, but he didn't mean to hurt you."</p><p>Blaine nodded and gave Carole a tight smile, flinching a little when it pulled on his lip.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>Carole squeezed Blaine's shoulder a little, trying to comfort him.  </p><p>"But... that doesn't mean you can't complain or feel awful. You shouldn't keep it all inside yourself, Blaine."</p><p>"I just...I feel so guilty when I do feel sad and hurt, because Kurt is going through a lot more inside himself than I am right now. I don't want to be one of those guys that completely focuses on my own pain...it's nothing compared to his."</p><p>"Honey, since Kurt was in the hospital, you've done nothing but put your feelings aside and put him first. There's nothing you have to feel guilty about, Kurt is so lucky to have you, and deep down, he knows it."</p><p>Blaine's bottom lip trembled as the tears he had tried to hold back for a while, spilled over his lashes and ran down his cheeks. He couldn't help the sob that escaped, but it hurt his lip again so he tried to hold in the sounds. </p><p>"But I don't feel like I've done enough to help him...he's so different now that it's hard to connect with him. Back before this, I could talk to him about things that would bother him and we would find a silver lining...now, there's no silver lining, there's no conversation."</p><p>Carole pulled him closer until Blaine's head was resting on her shoulder.  </p><p>"I know the feeling. I know what it is to love someone and then suddenly something happens that changes that person forever, and you feel that what you two had no longer exists, that it slips through your fingers and you don't know how to come back to the start." She sighed.</p><p>Blaine nodded against her shoulder. That was exactly how he felt inside, but that feeling also made him feel so guilty and ashamed...for missing the love that he and Kurt shared before. His boyfriend is alive, he is a survivor, he's strong. Blaine was thankful for that, but...he missed the before.</p><p>He couldn't help it.</p><p>Carole saw that Blaine didn't say anything and decided to keep talking. That boy needed a break, he needed to feel understood, and she would be there for him.  </p><p>"I used to feel guilty too... with Finn's father. I loved him as much as you love Kurt, but when he came back from the army, he was a completely different person, he had so much trauma inside and I couldn't get there, and he took refuge in drugs. Many nights, I would go to bed crying, thinking that it was all my fault, that I was his wife and that I had to be able to help him. But Blaine, until someone accepts that help, we cannot force them to improve."</p><p>Blaine turned his wet and red eyes to Carole's face, and nodded.</p><p>"I know. But I love him so much, I thought I would be able to get through to him. But he's so guarded now...he never has been with me before. And I don't know how to deal with it."</p><p>In a very sweet way, Carole wiped away his tears and gave him a small smile.  </p><p>"The worst way to deal with this is to try to do it alone. That's how I did it, and that's why I know the suffering it entails. You have your parents and you have us... we're your family too. You can't always play strong." She said. "Unlike Finn's dad, I know Kurt is going to get out of this, because he's just as stubborn as Burt, and he won't let what happened define him, and I know you'll be there for him when that happens. But in the meantime, you also have to ask for help when you need it."</p><p>Blaine dropped his head and placed the ice pack back onto his lip because it was stinging again.</p><p>After a small silence, he looked up at Carole while she was still sitting there and stroking his back comfortingly. </p><p>"I may need a little help with all of this." He mumbled around the ice pack, "I didn't tell you guys that my dad has actually been making and effort with getting to know me and Kurt properly. He's been asking a lot of questions about us."</p><p>"That's great, sweetheart. I know your relationship with Kurt was a bit difficult for your father to understand at first, but now he wants to support you, so let him do it. It's so important to have people to lean on now." She was silent for a few seconds, wondering if she should say what she finally said. "I have to warn you that things can get even harder now. Kurt's going to feel terribly guilty about what happened, so he'll probably try to avoid you at all costs."</p><p>"Or go back to telling me to 'go away'."</p><p>"Yeah, exactly. You have to be prepared for that. We all love having you here, but if at any point it's too much, you can take a break. I swear that no one is going to judge you."</p><p>"But i'd feel guilty about it. Having a break from my boyfriend...it sounds so selfish. And feels even worse. I don't think I can do that, because it feels like i'm giving up on him." Blaine explained, with a watery smile, "I know he wouldn't give up on me, if the tables were turned."</p><p>"Don't take it like you're giving up. When you're here and you see Kurt like this, you barely eat a thing, and be honest, when was the last time you slept properly?" Carole looked into his eyes, so he couldn't lie to her.</p><p>"I don't think I have slept properly since we found Kurt that night." Blaine said with a small sigh.</p><p>"Okay, so I'm talking to you as a mother and as a nurse: you're not going to be of any help to Kurt if you get sick. You have to take care of yourself, Blaine, and that includes going for a walk with your friends every now and then. That will be good for you, and consequently, for Kurt." Carole patted his hand affectionately. "If you stop your whole life for Kurt, it will only make him feel guilty about that too."</p><p>....I don't think I can sleep...those images...him lying there. They just go around in my head at night." Blaine muttered sadly, the image of Kurt laying in the rain and covered in blood was the one thing he had never been able to get over.</p><p>"I get it. Burt feels the same, and I'd be lying if I said that I don't." Carole snorted, as if the whole situation was beginning to take its toll on her as well. "I'm not the one to tell you this, just a person who cares a lot about you, but... have you considered going to therapy? Kurt may not be the only one who needs it."</p><p>"I thought about it...you know I had therapy before. When I was beaten up after a school dance, my mom made me go to get closure. I never did, I wasn't ready." Blaine told her, sitting back and crossing his legs out in front of him, pushing one finger against his lip lightly, "I don't know if i'm ready yet. Those images in my head...even if they're awful, make me try my best to help Kurt. If I don't try and push through it all, I think I might break apart at the seams."</p><p>"Finn isn't doing well either, you know? He's never been very talkative, but sometimes I hear him punching the first thing he finds in his room. He's the strong one, the quarterback... he feels like he should have protected him. The same as you feel. But you have to understand, as I hope he does, that probably nothing would have changed if one of you had been there, only that we would have ended up with two boys in the hospital instead of one."</p><p>"I would at least have known what he's going through." Blaine said off the cuff, and when Carole gave him that disapproving look, he shook his head, "I didn't mean that I wanted to be there with him...but sometimes if I could just get into his head, I would know what to say to make things better."</p><p>"Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not say anything. None of us can know what he feels, no one has the magic solution. It's not your job to heal him, and I don't mean physically... he has to do it by himself, when he's ready. You can only be there for him when he needs you, and no one could do that better than you."</p><p>Blaine gave her a genuine smile. He did know Kurt well enough to pick up on his mods that's for sure. But this Kurt now was so different, he was only using this guessing game to get through all of this. </p><p>It was hard sometimes...most of the time...but Kurt hadn't pushed him away for weeks now, and it did feel like a win.</p><p>Carole checked the time and looked back at Blaine.</p><p>"Why don't you go home, honey? I don't think Kurt is leaving his bedroom until tomorrow morning, and you need to rest."</p><p>Carole saw Blaine's eyes shift to the basement door, where Burt and Finn had disappeared 10 minutes ago and had yet to return. She knew that Burt might be talking to Kurt about what happened, but she knew from the looks of Blaine's pained face, he was feeling guilty about it again.</p><p>"What if he needs me?" he asked softly, turning his gaze back to Carole, "I mean, I know he has his whole family here. But still..."</p><p>"If he needs you, if he asks for you, I promise I'll call you." She cut him off. "But he just hurt one of the people he loves the most in the world... you know as well as I do that he won't want to talk to anyone right now, as much as his father is probably trying right now. Give him some space, at least for tonight, okay? "</p><p>Blaine's shoulders slumped slightly as he nodded reluctantly. Carole was right, Kurt would be feeling bad right now, and Blaine's face, especially with the way his lip looked right now, would only make it worse. </p><p>And he wouldn't do that to him.</p><p>He got up slowly from the floor, only just now realizing how sore his hips were, and shook out his legs before turning to give Carole a hand to get up.</p><p>"Ok, tell Burt, Finn and Kurt I said goodnight then."</p><p>"I will. I'll walk you to the door." Carole told him as she got up.</p><p>When they got there, and without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight for a few seconds.</p><p>"Thank you for putting up with all this. I know that one day he will thank you too."</p><p>"I'm not doing this for a thank you Carole. I love him..." Blaine left the sentence open and trailed off, he didn't need to finish it, Carole knew.</p><p>He hugged her one last time and then walked out to his car, waving at her before driving off. She sighed to herself and went back inside just as Burt and Finn were coming out of Kurt's bedroom.</p><p>"Kurt's going to sleep." He said as Finn walked past them both and headed upstairs, "where's Blaine?"</p><p>"I just got him to go home, although if it was up to him, he would have stayed." She answered. "How is he? Did you talk to him?"</p><p>"Yeah me and Finn both tried to get him to calm down a little more. I think he feels awful for what he did. I just hope it doesn't affect any of them in a negative way." Burt sighed as he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, "how was Blaine's face? He okay?"</p><p>"His face is the least of his problems. That boy is devastated, Burt. He's not even mad at Kurt, which for a moment would have been even normal... he's just mad at himself because he thinks he's not able to help him as he should."</p><p>"That's crazy. Doesn't he remember all the nights he spent with me in the hospital? That boy has done more than enough to help."</p><p>"I know, I told him. But he insists that he would have to do more. I've tried to get him to take a few days to rest, but he doesn't want to stay away from Kurt."</p><p>"I get it." Burt said as he walked towards his wife and wrapped his arms around her, "I guess we're going to have to remind Blaine that Kurt loves him and that he is doing enough. I'll talk to him again when I see him."</p><p>"Yes, please do it." She asked, closing her eyes and resting her head against her husband's chest. "You know that Blaine has always had a special respect and affection for you. Maybe he will listen to you."</p><p>"Maybe." Burt said as he rubbed his wife's arms lightly, "we should probably go to bed too. It's been an emotional half hour."</p><p>"It really has."</p><p>Burt and Carole shared a soft kiss and then a small tired smile, before both of them turned to go up the stairs to their bedroom. It didn't escape either of their minds, that Kurt was going to be very solemn and hurt the next few days, maybe longer.</p><p>They just hoped that both boys would realize they were stronger than they felt right now, and they could overcome it.</p><p>xoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>When Blaine entered his house, he finally let himself deflate. He had been holding in his emotions so tightly for the drive home that by the time he walked past the front door he was exhausted.</p><p>He could hear the television on in the living room and made his way towards it. His parents were both sitting closely on the couch watching some cooking show, he spared only a glance at the television before making his presence known.</p><p>"Oh hey baby, we weren't expecting you for another- Oh my gosh, Blaine what happened to your lip?" His mother gasped out, as she gazed up at him worriedly. </p><p>Blaine didn't really feel like explaining in that moment, but he needed something. He knelt in between both of them on the couch and fell against his father's chest, sobbing for all he was worth.</p><p>Michael didn't know what to do, so he just held Blaine close to him and whispered soothing words to him as he looked at his wife, who was just as confused as he was.</p><p>Blaine was tired....so so tired. He wanted the tiny voice inside his head that said he wasn't good enough, wasn't helpful enough, to stop. He wanted the crying and the emotion to stop. He needed a break. Maybe Carole had been right.</p><p>As he clung to his father, he realized how much he actually needed help. He was letting his pride get in the way of asking somebody to hold him, to listen to him, to see him.</p><p>He was tired of being invisible. He wanted to be seen. And even though it made him feel so guilty, he couldn't help it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. No-one Goes Through Trauma Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Burt was in the middle of reading the paper at the kitchen table when a knock came on the door. He sighed as he got up and made his way through the living room. He glanced at Kurt's door along the way, his son hadn't come out yet this morning. After what happened last night, Burt wasn't expecting him to.</p><p>Burt shook his head to himself as he thought of last night too. He felt so bad that Blaine had left before he could talk to him, so Burt had sent him a text asking if he was okay and offering support but he hadn't had a reply yet.</p><p>As he opened the front door he wasn't expecting to see a face he recognized. It was Blaine's father Michael. Burt had only briefly seen him at the hospital on the day that he had to come and drag Blaine home to rest, but he recognized the face because he looked exactly like Blaine. Although an older version.</p><p>Burt thought he might be here because of what happened last night, but Michael had a small smile on his face which confused Burt.</p><p>"Oh. Mr. Anderson?" Burt frowned in surprise.</p><p>"Burt Hummel? pleasure to meet you." he offered his hand for a shake, with a small smile, "and you can call me Michael."</p><p>"Okay, Michael. Nice to meet you too. I wasn't sure if it was you. Please come in." Burt shook his hand and then stepped aside.</p><p>"Thank you," Michael stepped across the threshold of the door and moved into the living room as Burt closed the door, "I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something?"</p><p>"Yeah, I think I know the reason." Burt replied with a sigh and gestured to the couch for him to sit down. "If my son came home with a split lip because of his boyfriend, I would ask for an explanation too."</p><p>"As shocking as that was when he came home last night, it's not about that." Michael gave Burt an empathetic kind of look and Burt frowned a little in confusion.</p><p>"Oh, okay. Then what it is?"</p><p>"Cutting to the chase, I actually wanted to talk to you about the legal battle that you have ahead of you. I would like to offer my help with that."</p><p>Burt's eyebrows raised in surprise.</p><p>"Wow, I didn't expect that. And how exactly could you help us?"</p><p>"I don't know how much my son has told you about me, I was a defence attorney before I retired. And even though I don't work anymore, I have a lot of faith in one of my co-workers at the office. I think we could build a really good case and get these bastards thrown in jail for a very long time."</p><p>"That would be great, Michael, really. I've never had to deal with lawyers, you know? My life is very simple, or it used to be. I didn't know that you... well, Blaine doesn't usually talk much about you." Burt felt a little awkward telling the kid's own father that, but Michael only nodded sadly.</p><p>"I'm afraid that may have been my fault," Michael sighed, "Blaine and I have never been that close, but when he told us he was gay when he was 14, I struggled a lot to come to terms with that. I'm afraid I pulled away from him a lot...I am still learning but i'm hoping that we can build a relationship now."</p><p>"Better late than never." Burt gave the other man a little smile, "I know it may have been shocking at first, but Blaine is an amazing boy and I thank god every day for having him in our lives. But right now, he's going through a hard time and I know your support is so important to him."</p><p>"Yeah. My son is a little bit broken right now...same as yours I think. But trying to be a part of Blaine's life now, I realized I needed to get to know the people in his life."</p><p>"I get it. And I want to apologize on behalf of my son, and not just for the split lip. I know Kurt isn't making it easy for Blaine, and I know he's making him suffer, but Kurt really loves him, even though he's not able to show it now."</p><p>Michael nodded at that.</p><p>"I understand Burt. Kurt is going through a lot right now. Blaine has explained it to us at home. Blaine is worried about him, and me and my wife are concerned too now. Can I ask about Kurt?"</p><p>"Of course. If I'm honest, he's not okay, Michael. When I think he's taken one step forward, he somehow takes two steps back. And it's hard... it's very hard because I'm his father, I should be able to help him and I see that I can't. He's been in therapy for a while, but I don't know if it's helping."</p><p>"I see. I understand the struggle. Obviously not to the extent that you're going through, but Blaine was attacked before. Has he told you about that?"</p><p>"Yeah, he told us. You know, when Kurt told me he was gay, my only concern was to think that his life would be more difficult than others, but I couldn't imagine this. How can there be people who believe they have the right to hurt a good boy just because of who he is? If I had the guys who did this to him in front of me, I..."</p><p>"I know. You don't have to explain to me. I went through similar with Blaine's short stay in hospital. Even though we weren't close...he's my son. A child we raised and he was hurt. I wanted to do the exact same things to the people that hurt him. But I'm afraid the consequences of those actions could lead to more trouble. The only way to deal with this situation now is to put these monsters behind bars." Michael explained, feeling more anger inside at this topic than he thought he was capable of feeling.</p><p>He put himself into Burt's shoes and imagined how he would feel if Blaine had suffered the same amount of horrific abuse and terror that Kurt had been through. Michael always believed himself to be a calm and collected person, but with your kid's life in danger it changes you.</p><p>"Do you really think it's possible?" Burt asked curiously, rubbing at the back of his neck as his nerves got the better of him, "I'm not an idiot, I know where we live. I'm afraid a homophobic judge might find a way to set those bastards free."</p><p>"In my line of work, I think I've only come across two judges of those inclinations. Not many of them would put their personal beliefs over the facts of a case. Especially of this magnitude. I believe the person I have in mind to prosecute for you would be mindful of the language used in the court room. And he would never allow discrimination of any sort."</p><p>"That's wonderful. I know I should have thought about this by now, but my day to day with Kurt is so exhausting that it hadn't even crossed my mind to look for a lawyer. If you tell me that this person can do it, I trust your word."</p><p>"He can. He's good at his job. His name is Gregory Harris, I'll have him contact you." Michael took a card from his pocket and handed it to Burt, "And that is my personal number to contact me if you have any doubts or questions."</p><p>"Thank you. I mean, I really appreciate it, Michael. This isn't going to be easy, but having someone who knows how everything works, makes it a little less scary." Burt laughed a little and Michael nodded at him with a smile.</p><p>"My pleasure, Burt. I would like to help you and Kurt." Michael replied, "on that note, I wanted to ask if I could request something?"</p><p>"Sure, anything."</p><p>"I've been way out of the loop when it comes to Blaine's life...I haven't been available like I should have been before all of this and I'll regret that forever. But I would really like to meet the young man who my son is so infatuated with." Michael asked hopefully, "If that's okay?"</p><p>"Oh." Burt seemed to hesitate. "I... that's not a problem for me, but I have to warn you. Kurt isn't very talkative right now, and he's still a bit affected by what happened last night... he might not be nice to you."</p><p>"It's perfectly fine Burt, I don't expect anything really. I just want to say a few words to him."</p><p>"Okay. He's in the basement, we adapted it so he can move around more easily. Follow me."</p><p>Michael followed after Burt to the basement door just off of the living room and as Burt walked through the door and down the stairs, Michael hung back a little. Giving his father time to introduce him rather than just springing it on the young man.</p><p>"Hi, buddy. You have a visitor. Michael, Blaine's father, has come to see you."</p><p>Kurt said nothing, but looked up in surprise. Blaine's dad was the last person he expected to see there. Michael rounded the stairs slowly and gave his son's boyfriend on the bed a small smile.</p><p>"Hey Kurt. Sorry to just drop in unannounced." He said softly, walking into the room as Burt moved aside.</p><p>Kurt kept his gaze on him cautiously. He was really intrigued but also fearful. Was he here because of what happened last night? His stomach clenched at the thought.</p><p>"If you're worried about Blaine, he's okay." Michael said quickly, trying to appease the look of fear on Kurt's face, Blaine was right about seeing the emotions clearly sometimes, and as a retired lawyer, Michael was always good at reading people, "He's more worried about you right now."</p><p>"And actually i'm not here about that. I'm not going to yell at you, or anything. I just wanted to meet you properly." Michael finished as he stopped by Kurt's bed and took a seat on a chair that must have been there for someone before.</p><p>Kurt didn't understand how the man seemed to know what he was thinking, but relief washed over him. Blaine was fine. Well, at least that's what they wanted him to think.</p><p>He nodded almost imperceptibly in way of greeting the man.</p><p>"Kurt's a bit tired. He would normally be talking non-stop." Burt joked, trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>"I don't doubt it. Blaine has told me a lot of stories about you Kurt. I'm sorry that it took me so long to come around to your relationship with my son. If I made you feel at all unwelcome at our home, I apologize."</p><p>All the times that Kurt felt a little uncomfortable at Blaine's place or those when they preferred to go to his because they felt better there, seemed so far away now, as if it belonged to a previous life in which those small things were all their problems.</p><p>However, for some reason, his eyes filled with tears and he lowered his head.</p><p>"Burt, would you give me a minute alone with Kurt please?" Michael asked a little hopefully as he turned to Kurt's father</p><p>"Erm... yeah. Kurt, buddy, I'll be upstairs, okay?"</p><p>Kurt was still staring at the ground, and Burt gave Michael a small smile before leaving them alone.</p><p>"You know, I've been working on my relationship with Blaine since you were in the hospital. I don't know if Blaine told you about any of our conversations, I hope he did." Michael spoke softly, not expecting an answer, "I just wanted to meet you to tell you that i'm glad my son has someone who loves him so much."</p><p>Kurt snorted, shaking his head. How could he say that? Blaine would be so much better off without him. He hurt him last night for crying out loud. He should be kept as far away from him as possible now.</p><p>"You know being a retired lawyer, you get good at reading people. I know you think you've hurt Blaine too much for him to keep coming back." Michael said in a soothing voice, trying to appease Kurt, the frown on his face said so much, "The thing you need to know is, Blaine loves you too, and he wants to help. I think sometimes he is a little in over his head with all this, and maybe he would need to go back to therapy as well."</p><p>Kurt looked at him again. Blaine was going back to therapy because of him? He knew that he had been going for a while after he was attacked before, and to think that this was affecting him as much as that wasn't easy to process.</p><p>"It w-w-would be b-better for everyone if... if h-h-he d-d-idn't come b-back." He murmured, trying to sound as cold as possible.</p><p>To Kurt's surprise, Michael only smiled at him.</p><p>"Maybe it would be easier. But I don't think it would be in anybody's best interests to distance yourself from him."</p><p>"N-no? You're his f-f-father, you sh-should want to p-p-protect him from..." Kurt was going to say 'from me', but he changed his mind. "Fr-from this s-s-situation."</p><p>"From the situation or from you?"</p><p>Kurt's eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't answer. He just shrugged.</p><p>"The way I see it is, if I was to protect Blaine from everything, he would never be strong and independent. And I want that for him, in the best ways. I want him to be able to face life head on. But on the other hand I don't want to see him hurt." Michael sighed, "have they told you about the night they found you? Did Blaine tell you he was there?"</p><p>"Blaine was part of the search party that found you. He was in a terrible way when I had to drag him home from the hospital because he wouldn't leave."</p><p>Kurt looked away again and felt his hands shaking. No, Blaine shouldn't have seen him like that, it wasn't fair.</p><p>"He loves you. We've been talking about you, and he's been telling me about your relationship. Showing me pictures on his phone, tickets and posters and CDs that you bought for him."</p><p>"Th-that l-life w-w-wont c-come back!" Kurt exclaimed almost desperately. "He h-h-has to stop t-trying."</p><p>"It's a life that's still present Kurt. If you want it to be. It doesn't have to end...but it will change a little unfortunately."</p><p>Kurt bit his lower lip. He wasn't going to cry in front of Blaine's dad. He didn't understand what it was like to be in his shoes.</p><p>He just wanted him to leave him alone, and he decided to attack.</p><p>"So n-n-now y-y-you want t-to win the 'f-f-father of the year' a-a-award? You d-d-don't know an-any-anything about m-me."</p><p>"That's right I don't. I'm sorry for upsetting you, I just wanted you to know that we are all behind you, for whatever you want to do." Michael gave him another small smile and then rose to his feet, "i'll go now, it was nice meeting you Kurt."</p><p>Kurt grunted while still staring at the ground.</p><p>Michael walked out and saw Burt standing outside the door with a slightly guilty expression, obviously feeling embarrassed about what Kurt said.</p><p>"Michael, I'm so sorry. He just... he tries to push people away, he doesn't mean what he says."</p><p>"Oh he means it alright," Michael gave him a bit of a laugh and glancing back over his shoulder at the room, "but it's okay. I probably overstepped. Your kid Burt, he has fire...in his soul. He will definitely be alright with time."</p><p>"I've always liked that fire about him, but now he seems to use it the wrong way. I hope you're right though."</p><p>"It takes time...just time." Michael patted Burt's shoulder as he made his way to the door, "I better get home, my wife might be wondering what's keeping me."</p><p>"Sure. Thank you for coming and for your help. Can you tell Blaine that I'm sorry and that he can come back anytime he wants even though I would understand if he needs a break? He left before I could speak to him."</p><p>Michael looked back at Burt a little sadly.</p><p>"I think he needs some time away for a while, but i'll tell him." Michael raised his hand to shake Burt's again as he walked out the door, "you have an amazing boy Burt, I hope things start looking up soon."</p><p>"Thank you." He said again as he shook his hand.</p><p>"Bye Burt, please call if you need to talk."</p><p>Michael made his at back to his car, and pulled away.</p><p>xxxxxxxx</p><p> </p><p>Michael walked inside his house and let out a loud sigh. Maybe it wasn't the best thing in the world to try to talk to Kurt while he was still hurting and healing, but he just wanted to be a part of it. Part of Blaine's life, part of Kurt's.</p><p>"Michael, you're finally here." Pam, his wife, came out to meet him, the smile fading from her face as she looked at him. "What's wrong? You look tired."</p><p>"I lied to you, i'm sorry. I went to see Burt Hummel." Michael told her with another sigh.</p><p>"What?" She raised her voice for a second. "Why did you do it? Does Blaine know about this?"</p><p>"Blaine doesn't know yet."</p><p>Pam nodded and took her husband's hand as she looked at him worriedly.</p><p>"How is Burt doing?"</p><p>"Hurting. Just like Blaine said. I erm...I offered him help with the case next year. Me and Gregory." Michael told her, and she nodded with a warm look in her eyes, "and I met Kurt."</p><p>"Oh, dear..." She frowned. "I don't know if I want to hear how that went."</p><p>"It actually went pretty well. Believe me I can see why Blaine is so in love with him."</p><p>"Really? I'm glad to hear that. Kurt is a great guy, and I know he loves our son, but right now..." She sighed. "Blaine has been in his room for hours and I know a part of him just wants to go back to that house, but I just want to lock him up here and prevent him from suffering any more."</p><p>"Sweetheart, we can wrap him in cotton wool and tape him to the bed, but it won't stop that internal suffering. Not while someone he loves so much is going through something so awful." Michael placed his hands around his wife's waist and gave her a hug.</p><p>"I know, and I also know that Blaine isn't going to give up on him, but he's my little boy and I have a right to worry."</p><p>"You do, you definitely do." Michael agreed with her, he always did, "did you want me to go up and try to get him to come down?"</p><p>"Yes, please." Pam raised her head so she could kiss him softly on the lips. "You get him downstairs and I'll go make something to eat."</p><p>"ok." Michael smiled and watched her walk into the kitchen, before turning towards the stairs.</p><p>As he headed up them he could hear music playing softly from down the hall, and as he approached Blaine's room he could recognize the song. He knew it well. Without You by Badfinger. A very popular song when Michael himself was younger.</p><p>He knocked and waited.</p><p>"Mom, I told you I'm not hungry." came Blaine's exasperated sounding voice from inside and Michael had to smile a little bit.</p><p>"I couldn't put on your mother's voice if I tried, sorry to disappoint." He called back with a laugh.</p><p>"Dad?" Blaine turned off the music. "Come in."</p><p>"Hey, you alright?" Michael asked as he opened the door, "I take it mom's been bothering you huh?"</p><p>"You know how she is. She worries too much, but I'm fine." Blaine replied, sitting up in bed.</p><p>His father raised his eyebrows at him slightly.</p><p>Blaine ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.</p><p>"I'll be fine."</p><p>"I know you will." Michael stepped more into the room and sat on the bed next to his son, "I have something to tell you."</p><p>"Okay, what is it?"</p><p>"I went to see Burt and Kurt today."</p><p>Blaine's face turned into a horrified expression.</p><p>"No, no, no. Dad, why? Why?"</p><p>"Because I need and want to be a part of your life. I wanted to properly meet your boyfriend. And offer my legal council to Burt."</p><p>Blaine closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose before answering.</p><p>"I could have given you Burt's number. It's a good idea for you to help him with the legal issues, but Kurt... he doesn't react well to strangers now, he... he doesn't react well to anyone." He admitted. "How is he?"</p><p>"He's good. The kid's got fire." Michael gave Blaine a smile, "I can see why you love him."</p><p>Blaine gave him a sad laugh.</p><p>"Yeah, I've always had good taste. Did he ask about me?" He wanted to know, and there was hope in his eyes.</p><p>"Kurt feels like he's holding you back. I told him that he should feel present in life right now. He's strong, he'll get through all of this."</p><p>"He told you that?" Blaine asked in surprise.</p><p>"In other words, with some fire behind them. And then he told me off." Michael said with a small laugh.</p><p>Blaine looked down at the bed and started running his fingers over the covers.</p><p>"Do you think I should be there with him? I don't know what is right anymore. I want to go and tell him that he's not holding me back, that I love him and want to be by his side, but... but I don't know if I can handle another rejection at this moment."</p><p>"I told Burt you might need to take some time. And you should. Kurt needs space sometimes, and so do you. It doesn't mean that you're not there for him, you're always going to be. But healthy relationships need that break sometimes." Michael explained lightly, placing one hand over Blaine's head, ruffling his hair a little and Blaine slumped with a sigh.</p><p>"But this is not a normal situation, dad. I'm not pushing my boyfriend to come to the movies with me, he... he's not okay, he might need something and I wouldn't be there." Blaine quickly wiped away a tear that all rolled down his cheek.</p><p>Michael put his arm around his son's shoulders and pulled him in close to him.</p><p>"But he has his father, his step mother and his brother there. It doesn't all need to be you son."</p><p>Blaine rested his head on his father's shoulder and closed his eyes.</p><p>It was a new sensation to feel so close to his father, but he liked it. He made him feel loved and protected. Something he had always wanted to feel around him, something that had seemed so out of reach before. But his father had opened the door to communication and Blaine had walked through.</p><p>it was working but it still needed time.</p><p>"But I need him too, you know? I not doing all this just for him, but for me too. I miss him so much, the real him."</p><p>"Listen son, i'm going to say something that is going to hurt you more than anything, but you need to hear it." Michael sat up straighter and placed his hands on Blaine's shoulders in a steady hold, watching his son's face. "Kurt won't ever be like the Kurt he was before...you have the memories of those times and you can keep those. But son...what Kurt has been through, you don't become the same person you were before."</p><p>Blaine held back a sob as he nodded.</p><p>"I know, and I'm damn selfish for pretending him to be otherwise. But I'm scared..." He gulped. "I'm so scared that this new Kurt will never love me."</p><p>"This Kurt now, has no idea if he can ever love again like he did...because his emotions are all over the place and he has no control over his temper, that's for certain."</p><p>"What did he say? Did he yell at you?" Blaine asked, and if he wasn't so heartbroken he would have laughed out loud just imagining his boyfriend being sassy as hell with his father.</p><p>"He did. Asked me if I wanted to win the , what was it...'father of the year award'?"</p><p>"Okay, that was a good one." Blaine looked at his father with a small smile.</p><p>"Yeah. Sassy just like you said he is."</p><p>"Yes, just one of his many virtues. Hey, I'm sorry i yelled at you. I understand why you went to see him and I appreciate it."</p><p>"I did it because I love you." Michael told him and watched with amusement as Blaine's eyes widened. He knew he hadn't said it enough before, and he wanted to catch up now.</p><p>Blaine gasped as he felt a lump in his throat. In the last few days, his emotions were running high, but he didn't expect to hear those words from his father, and for a moment he felt immensely happy.</p><p>"I love you too, dad."</p><p>"Well, i'm hoping to earn that love this time." He replied as he leaned over and kissed his son's forehead before standing from the bed, "your mother is worried about you. Why don't you come down and talk to us, have something to eat huh?"</p><p>"If I don't go downstairs, she will come back up again, won't she?" Blaine asked with a small smile and his father nodded. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute."</p><p>"Alright. Don't take too long, she'll come barrelling up here." His father chuckled as he walked out.</p><p>When he headed back down the stairs and into the kitchen, he spotted his wife worriedly standing and chewing one fingernail.</p><p>"How is he?" She asked when she saw her husband. "Did you see him? Is he going to come down? I've made a chicken salad, I know it's his favourite."</p><p>"Pam sweetheart, relax." he said with a smile as he moved towards her and held her shoulders, "he's going to be fine. I think it's just hitting him harder now, he will be down in a minute."</p><p>"Okay. Thank you for talking to him." Pam sighed and looked at him gratefully.</p><p>"He just needs some time."</p><p>"I know. I just wish I could take off some of the burden that he seems to be carrying on his shoulders."</p><p>"We can. We just need to support him until he's ready to open up to us. He knows we're here. You're an amazing mother honey."</p><p>"Michael..." She took his hands and squeezed them lovingly. "You're an amazing father too. I know you have doubts sometimes, but I don't know what Blaine and I would do without you."</p><p>"I just wish I would have been there for him more..." Michael trailed off a little, he was disappointed in himself, all of those important moments in Blaine's life so far had been clouded over with his own fear and judgement.</p><p>He never wanted that to happen ever again.</p><p>"You're here now. It's all that matters."</p><p>"I hope so." he gave her a little smile and leaned in to kiss her cheek.</p><p>Before she could answer, they heard something behind them and they turned to see Blaine walking into the kitchen.</p><p>"Honey, how are you?" Pam asked.</p><p>"I'm okay." He shrugged, but found a small smile for his mother.</p><p>"How about we all sit and have some of that marvellous chicken salad honey?" Michael interrupted her next question and as she turned to him, he gave her a wink.</p><p>"Yeah, good idea." She walked over to the counter for the salad bowl and set it in the middle of the kitchen table.</p><p>Before she sat down though, Pam leaned in to kiss her son's head, causing Blaine to run his hand through his curls in protest. Michael laughed a little and reached over to place some salad on his plate, before passing it to his wife as she sat down.</p><p>"Thank you." She did the same and passed it to Blaine. "I diced the chicken, just like when you were a kid."</p><p>Blaine was going to say something about not being a kid anymore, he wasn't 8 years old and things aren't just fixed with good food. But when he looked over at her, at her tired but relieved expression and her worry lines on her face, he couldn't say it.</p><p>His parents were really trying and he appreciated it.</p><p>"Great, thank you mom." He said before putting just a little bit on his plate.</p><p>Michael watched his wife's for reaction and at the small smile on her lips he turned back to Blaine while placing his hand over one of hers in comfort.</p><p>"It smells delicious honey."</p><p>"Thank you." She muttered, letting the touch comfort her before looking back at her son. "Blaine, I thought we could watch a movie together later. We'll let you choose."</p><p>Blaine flinched, and his face went taught as the action pulled on his cut lip, which started stinging. The last movie he had watched was Tangled, at Kurt's house, and then...</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>"I'd rather go back to my room. Another time, okay?" He replied as he moved the food on his plate with his fork.</p><p>"Something you want to share?" Michael asked curiously but softly, not pressuring him to say.</p><p>"I'm not in the mood for a movie, that's all." Blaine replied.</p><p>"Ok." Michael looked down at his plate first and left it a few seconds before saying, "Blaine can I discuss something with you, while we're all here?"</p><p>"Okay." Blaine put his fork down and looked at his father.</p><p>"Your mother and I can both see that you're struggling with everything, and it's a pretty big thing to have to deal with on your own. Have you thought about going back to see Dr Carter?"</p><p>Blaine took a deep breath. He had been thinking about it going back to therapy since last night.</p><p>"Carole brought up the same thing, but... I don't know if I'm ready." He admitted.</p><p>"That's perfectly ok, if you're not ready yet. But think about it seriously. I know that you're strong, but it's not just Kurt that's been through a lot."</p><p>"But what would Kurt think if he knew? I'm perfectly fine, I'm healthy...i don't have broken bones and a speech impediment because of what some assholes did to me and I need therapy? What kind of boyfriend does that make me?"</p><p>"Honey, asking for help requires great strength. You're no worse a boyfriend for that." Pam said strongly, moving her hand across the table to settle on top of her son's.</p><p>"I don't know..." Blaine shook his head.</p><p>"Kurt is going to therapy because something horrible happened to him and he has mental problems right now. But the things that you have seen, the things you have been through, are also traumatizing Blaine." Michael made eye contact with his son and held it for a few seconds. "It doesn't make you a bad boyfriend if you need some more help."</p><p>"It makes me weak. It makes me a failure." Blaine said and looked down, biting his lip, careful not to disturb the cut.</p><p>Pam got up and walked over to her son, kneeling beside him.</p><p>"Don't ever say that again. Kurt is going to get through this, and when he does, he's going to need you, and you won't be able to be there for him if you keep reliving that night over and over again, and don't say you don't." She said a little firmly.</p><p>Blaine didn't answer but he didn't look at his mother either. He didn't want to break down again.</p><p>His father got up too, and walked over to pull both of them into his arms. Hugging both of them tightly, even as Blaine struggled a little to get out of the hold. He eventually gave up and hugged back.</p><p>"You're not weak and you're not alone. Don't forget that." Pam whispered in an emotional voice as she kissed her son's cheek and held onto her husband's arm.</p><p>"You'll always have us behind you, if you feel you need us. No-one goes through trauma alone, if affects everyone they love." Michael added.</p><p>"Thank you." He internally scolded himself when he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Maybe... maybe I do need therapy."</p><p>"You don't have to decide today, but whenever you need it, you can go."</p><p>Blaine feel like he needed this little family hug.</p><p>"Thank you guys." He whispered again as he buried his face in his father's shoulder and let them hold him for a while.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt didn't say anything to anyone all week. Ever since the incident with Blaine being hit, he hadn't uttered a single word. Burt and Carole kept giving him worried glances, and he knew that they were concerned about him. But why should they be concerned? Blaine was the one that got hurt, not Kurt.</p><p>On the drive into town his father tried to engage Kurt in conversation, but Kurt was feeling too overwhelmed and guilty to say anything. So silence reigned down on them in the car. Kurt's therapy session with Dr Greene was today. </p><p>When they walked inside the practice, the receptionist greeted them both but Kurt just walked to wait in a seat while Burt talked to the lady. He had no time for anyone these days, with their cheerful smiles and horrid small talk.</p><p>About 10 minutes went by and then Kurt was told to go ahead into Dr Greene's office. His dad patted his shoulder but Kurt only frowned as he ignored him and walked inside the door to the left.</p><p>"Good to see you again Kurt." Dr Greene said with a small smile, sitting in his green armchair as he gestured for Kurt to sit on the couch in front of him.</p><p>Kurt just nodded. He wasn't having a good day, he had woken up with a headache and the last thing he needed was the therapist's annoying questions. But he took a seat anyway, and made himself as comfortable as he could.</p><p>"How are you feeling today?" Dr Greene asked, with his notebook on his lap, he was far too cheery in Kurt's opinion.</p><p>Kurt shrugged.</p><p>"How's the control of the hand?"</p><p>Kurt looked at his hands. Right now, they were fine, resting on his lap, but he knew that at any moment they might start to shake. He had gotten better with it before what happened last week, after that the shaking seemed to happen more regularly. He knew it was all to do with the stress of the week, but there was no way he was telling Dr Greene that.</p><p>"Getting any better?"</p><p>"Better?"  Kurt snapped unintentionally, glancing at him like he was crazy.</p><p>"The hand movements I meant." the therapist explained calmly.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Ok. Have you been trying the relaxing techniques in the pamphlet I gave you for your anger as well?"</p><p>Kurt wanted to say he had tried, he really did, but after what had happened with Blaine, he was in a worse mood lately and didn't feel like doing anything.</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>"If they're too difficult then we can come up with something else."</p><p>"I'm n-not inept, okay? I-i just..." Kurt ran his hand through his hair.</p><p>"Your thoughts, feelings and opinions are safe here. Something you want to say?"</p><p>Kurt hesitated. The option of spending the rest of the session in silence was tempting, but... a part of him needed to say it out loud, at least once.  </p><p>"I hit him."</p><p>"Your father?"</p><p>"Blaine."</p><p>Dr Greene nodded slowly.</p><p>"By accident?"</p><p>Kurt looked at him offended. </p><p>"D-do you think I w-wanted to do it?" He exclaimed with a glare.</p><p>"Sometimes we can't control ourselves, especially while we're dealing with traumatic things. So it was an accident?"</p><p>Kurt nodded, but he looked away. He was beginning to regret having said it.</p><p>"What happened afterward? Did you talk to him about it?" Dr Greene pushed a little and Kurt sighed and crossed his arms as he could feel one hand starting to twitch.</p><p>"I... I w-wasn't okay, and m-my... d-d-dad took me to m-my room."</p><p>"I see. Can you describe how you were feeling after?"</p><p>"No, I c-can't." And he really couldn't. It was all confusing and painful.</p><p>He had tried to understand exactly what he was feeling after that night, but the only emotions he could actually understand were anger and shame. He had no other words for describing anything else. </p><p>"Ok." Dr Greene paused while he wrote something in the little notebook in his hand, "is Blaine alright now?"</p><p>"W-why d-don't you..." Kurt paused and sighed as his stutter started to get worse, "..a-a-ask him y-yourself?" </p><p>"I'm asking you." he said still in that very calm and relaxed tone "unless its too painful for you to talk about?"</p><p>"I h-haven't s-s-seen him s-s-since that n-night." Kurt confessed with a laugh that sounded bitter, but he felt a pang of pain in his chest when he said the words.</p><p>"Oh? How long ago did it happen?" </p><p>"A week." Kurt didn't know exactly what was compelling him to answer these questions, but Dr Greene kept going and going.</p><p>"I see. Do you feel guilty and hurt about that? Sad? Anything at all?"</p><p>"I don't feel anything." Kurt lied. Of course he felt awful and so angry at himself right now for what he did. He may not have meant it, but that doesn't excuse it.</p><p>Blaine had been hurt. By him. </p><p>"Nothing?" Dr Greene raised one eyebrow but then shrugged, "Ok."</p><p>Dr Greene wrote in his book again, a few seconds later he looked back up at Kurt and studied him for a second or two more and then placed his notebook down.</p><p>"It would have been a good sign, if you felt guilty or angry about that. It would mean you still feel for the people you love. And that is a good human trait to keep."</p><p>Kurt didn't know if he could go there. Telling him that he had hardly slept for a week because in addition to the usual nightmares, he now ad recurring thoughts and visions of hurting Blaine, of seeing his face covered in blood looking up at him. He had never ever wanted to cause anyone pain, and now look what he did. </p><p>And talking about it, would only make him feel worse. Which it was.</p><p>"It w-won't h-h-happen again. H-he w-w-w...on't come b-back." Kurt grunted after saying that, he hated his slurred speech and stutter sometimes, it felt like it was holding him back, and suddenly he felt anger rise in him.</p><p>"And you're sure about that?"</p><p>"D-draw y-y-your own f-fucking con-con-conclusions." Kurt said with ire and glaring now at the floor, completely ignoring Dr Greene for now.</p><p>"Sometimes it's completely normal for people in a relationship to have some space, maybe that's what it is. But obviously, I don't know him as well as you do, so I could be wrong."</p><p>"I d-don't n-n-need him." Kurt muttered as he tried to hide the fact that his hand was shaking more now.</p><p>"That's true, you don't need him. That's completely different to wanting somebody around." Dr Greene didn't wait for a response to that, so he dived ahead with another question. "Why do you feel that you had to tell me about what happened with Blaine, today in this session?"</p><p>"B-because I h...h-hate that everyone p-p-pr-retends it d-d-didn't happen."  </p><p>His dad, Carole, Finn, even Blaine's father... no one had brought up the subject since that day. And it bothered him. Didn't anyone care that he hurt his own fucking boyfriend? IS there anyone that was going to tell him what a piece of shit he was for hurting him? Wasn't Blaine going to tell him it's over?</p><p>"Ok. And you want everyone to acknowledge that you accidentally hurt your boyfriend?"</p><p>"I d-d-don't w-want to b-b....be p-protected. I'm b-broken, but st-still accountable."</p><p>"Yes, accountability is everything . But I guess if you don't tell them, maybe they feel it best they don't talk about the accident while it's still fresh." Dr Greene evaluated, tilting his head slightly as he explained, "To have a conversation, you need to be open to that conversation."</p><p>"I d-d-on't want a st-stupid fucking c-conversation!" Kurt exploded, as he sat up flailing his hands down by his sides, and one started to twitch and shake badly, "D-don't you g-get it? I don't w-w-want to be forgiven....it's t-t-too easy..." Kurt's eyes filled with tears, but he had become an expert in holding them inside recently. "i w-want them to....to...."</p><p>"You want them to treat you like they would have before? Punish you for something like this? To acknowledge that you're not fragile?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Dr Greene nodded and gave Kurt a small smile.</p><p>"What do you think would be the most suitable punishment for you then? For what you did?"</p><p>Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. "L-losing him. M-my d-dad t-t-te-telling...me i-it i-is my f-f-fault."</p><p>"Mm," Dr Greene hummed and thought about it for a few seconds, giving Kurt time to calm down a little before discussing it, "how do you think your father would feel, punishing for something you can't control? I mean, what happened was awful and hurtful and it made everyone sad...but if your father punished you for things you couldn't control, what would that really achieve? You can never promise that it won't happen again. Can you? If not Blaine, then maybe someone else?"</p><p>"Th-then what? I just k-k-keep hurting e-e-everyone? Is this what my l-l-life is g-going to b-be like fr-fr-fr...om now on?" Kurt clenched his fists as he gave Dr Greene another hard glare. "T-t-this isn't h-helping."</p><p>"Hear me out." Dr Greene added as Kurt huffed and sat back bringing his twitching hand up and crossing his other arm over it, "you know the difference between right and wrong don't you?"</p><p>"I told y-you I'm not st-st-stupid."</p><p>"I don't think you are, was hitting Blaine intentional? Made with ill intent or thought behind it?"</p><p>"NO DAMMIT!" Kurt yelled, clenching his jaw.</p><p>"Then you know that punishment is only attributed to things that we do intentionally to hurt or cause pain." Dr Greene told him, "it doesn't mean what happened was right, it just means that what happened was not intended to harm anyone. And the guilt and shame you feel is self punishment enough."</p><p>"B-but I split his l-lip. I saw...." Kurt said as he became more and more subdued himself, sinking back into the couch behind him as his eyes flickered across images that only he could see, "There was b-b-blood, and his f-face..." Kurt shook his head and tried to compose himself. "I d-don't w-w-want to talk about th-this anym-more."</p><p>"Ok, it's ok to not want to talk about it. Just remember my words okay? The pain and anger and sadness you feel means that you have a good heart. And your family knows that too."</p><p>Dr Greene stood up and retrieved his notepad, writing a quick sentence in it before giving Kurt a smile.</p><p>"I'm afraid that's all for today. Thank you for sharing that with me."</p><p>"Whatever." Kurt replied as if all of this was a waste of time. </p><p>He stood to walk back to the door, ignoring the therapist's hand that was raised to help him to his feet. Dr Greene just stood and watched him go, but Kurt did not look back at the man before reaching the door.</p><p>"See you next time Kurt."</p><p>As Kurt shut the door behind him, he let out a loud breath that he didn't know he had been holding. Things were complicated in his mind right now, and as he looked across the waiting area at his father, who was looking back at him with a worried frown, he actually felt a little better than when he went in.</p><p>Maybe it was progress.</p><p> </p><p>********</p><p>Kurt didn't know what to think. Dr Greene had said in his therapy sessions 5 days ago, that maybe Blaine just needed some space. Kurt didn't think that was the case but he gave it a little while to sink in. </p><p>Even though he himself had been dealing with all of the shit that happened to him, he could see it affected his family and his boyfriend too. Maybe all the stuff that had been easy before to Blaine, like caring for him in hospital, but now that Kurt was home and moving around and healing and talking, Blaine couldn't deal with it.</p><p>He had thought Blaine was a little stronger than that, and a lot more loyal.</p><p>Maybe he didn't want to be here anymore. Not that Kurt could blame him, he wouldn't want to be hit by his boyfriend either. So having no contact from Blaine for this long meant that he wasn't coming back.</p><p>That he moved on.</p><p>His father had told him that Blaine's father said that Blaine just needed a little break away, but that was two weeks ago nearly. It's been 12 days already since he had last seen him, and Kurt felt a little pang of regret and pain every time the morning came and Blaine wasn't here.</p><p>'I don't need him.' Kurt thought to himself as he felt his face flame a little with embarrassment at internally missing him. </p><p>He had repeated that thought to himself for a while now, trying to push Blaine out of his thoughts. Because what did it matter that there was one less person around now, what did it matter that there was one less person Kurt had to deal with, that he had to ignore, that would shoot him worried looks just like the rest.</p><p>Probably a good thing he doesn't want to come back.</p><p>No matter how many good points he could sway in his favour, Kurt's heart still ached with hope that maybe tomorrow morning he would see him, that he would be making breakfast with Carole or talking to Burt.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>And then the disappointment would settle and feed his pain and fear, every time a morning would pass that he wasn't there. Kurt had wanted to talk to his father about it, but he didn't want to miss Blaine.</p><p>He certainly didn't want anyone to know he did. That he was weak, that he couldn't do all of this alone, that he needed someone when he didn't.</p><p>He didn't.</p><p>He didn't.</p><p>Kurt was stuck in his head, going around and around in circles with his thoughts, when his father walked into the kitchen and waved a hand over the front of his face. He always hated that he jumped every time. </p><p>He glared at his father and Burt gestured with his eyes towards the doorway, and there standing in the kitchen were two smiling faces staring at him. </p><p>"M-mercedes...T-tina...?" He stammered out a little as the girls waved at him from a distance, "w-what are y-you doing h-h-here?"</p><p>"I told you yesterday that they were coming over," his dad said from the counter, where he was pouring himself a coffee, "not my fault you weren't listening."</p><p>Kurt grunted in reply of that, as Mercedes and Tina walked to take the chairs either side of him. Mercedes put a warm hand on his forearm while Tina took the fingers of his other hand in both of hers.</p><p>"We missed you Kurt." Tina told him with a smile.</p><p>"Yeah, everyone else wanted to come along, but your dad said that might not be a good idea yet." Mercedes added and Kurt looked over at his dad with wide eyes before looking back at them both.</p><p>"If you don't want us here we can go, we don't mind, do we 'cedes?" Tina said quickly and her and Mercedes nodded at the same time.</p><p>Kurt didn't really know what to think or feel about their visit. </p><p>"And we're sorry we didn't come along sooner, we wanted to give you your space to heal and stuff." Tina went on without letting him answer and then Mercedes jumped in too.</p><p>"Exactly. But we couldn't stay away one minute longer."</p><p>"And we love you." Tina said again, giving Kurt a big grin.</p><p>"Everyone else sends their love too." Mercedes said softly.</p><p>"I...erm-" Kurt started and Mercedes interrupted him, like she always did.</p><p>"You don't need to say anything, it's ok." she said as she patted his hand like a child. </p><p>Surprisingly to him, he didn't get angry. Instead it felt really funny to him and he let a small smile grace his lips at her actions. He coughed a little to clear his throat and pulled his hands back to himself before facing Mercedes.</p><p>"Do you want us to go boo?" She asked curiously, and Kurt could see the beginnings of sadness in her deep brown eyes.</p><p>"No...i, i w-want you t-t-to stay-y." He answered slowly, looking at Tina too.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yes." Kurt smiled at them both and they slumped slightly in relief.</p><p>He could see his father out of the corner of his eye leave the kitchen, probably was hanging around to see Kurt's reaction first before feeling comfortable to leave him with them. Kurt had no problem with Mercedes being around, she would always defend herself in a verbal tussle with him, and she wouldn't let him get away with being mean to her or Tina. </p><p>And Tina, well Tina was precious, and a sweetheart, but she spoke her mind a lot too. Which was why these two girls had always been closer to Kurt than anyone else.</p><p>"How have you been?" Tina asked and then winced to herself about the question, because it was a stupid question to ask. Kurt side eyed her.</p><p>"Peachy." he replied sarcastically and Tina rolled her eyes and gae him a small smile.</p><p>"I mean it, i know you still have a long way to go, but how are you feeling right now?" she explained more in her question ad Kurt struggled to find a response for a few seconds.</p><p>"Like shit." was the answer he settled on and it made them both laugh, because he was smiling when he said it, "I erm...i had a bit of a freak out....couple weeks ago."</p><p>Both their faces turned into concern at that. </p><p>"Oh? What happened?" Mercedes asked gently, and giving Kurt time to answer.</p><p>"I erm....i h-hit Blaine." He choked out as he looked down at the floor and expected angry gasps and sputtered replies in response, but when none came he was shocked.</p><p>He looked back up from the floor and turned to each of them, they only had very sad smiles on their faces.</p><p>"Oh Kurt." Tina said eventually and Kurt was a little surprised that they weren't jumping to Blaine's defence.</p><p>"I-it w-was an a-a-ac-ccident." He explained automatically and Mercedes squeezed his hand in hers, making him look at her.</p><p>"Oh boo, of course it was. We all know that." </p><p>Kurt frowned a little at her words. If that was true, then where was Blaine?</p><p>"H-he hasn't b-been b-back since." He muttered more to himself than the girls and Tina quickly produced her phone.</p><p>"Did you want me to call him for you and ask why?" She asked with a smile and Kurt shook his head quickly.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Why not?" Mercedes said a little indignantly.</p><p>"H-he's b-better off n-not c-coming back."</p><p>"That's not true. You know he loves you." Mercedes said with fire in her tone that meant she wasn't joking around, but Kurt only shook his head again.</p><p>"Yeah, you know all he ever talks about is you Kurt. And he worries about how you're doing." Tina added and Kurt shrugged.</p><p>"It doesn't matter." he said in a monotone voice, and Mercedes huffed a little.</p><p>"Kurt, we all know that you've been through something awful...and most of us don't even know the details of what happened, but we all know that Blaine loves you. He just wants you to get better."</p><p>Kurt turned angry eyes at her and glared hard. He was so tired of people saying that this could get better, when they don't even know what this feels like.</p><p>"H-he doesn't un-understand what its l-like either. No-nobody d-d-does." he fired back and Mercedes looked a little shocked at that. </p><p>They were all silent for a few seconds. </p><p>"Have you spoken to him about it?" Tina asked gently as she put her hand on his wrist.</p><p>"Of course not." He huffed out and pulled both his hands back to himself and crossed them ver his chest.</p><p>"You could always talk to him about anything. What changed?" Mercedes demanded a little more gently thsn before and Kurt sighed as he answered.</p><p>"M-me, I've ch-changed. I c-c-can't go b-back to how I used t-to be...the v-version of me that he l-loves. That K-kurt is g-gone."</p><p>"Kurt, you can't say that about yourself." She responded sadly, unbending his arms and taking one of his hands again, tugging on it a little to get him to look at her, "Sure you'll be different after this, but I don't think it would matter who you are to your boyfriend."</p><p>"Cedes, h-he's not g-going to want th-this damaged v-version of me."</p><p>Mercedes glared a little at that. But it didn't shock Kurt, he was always used to these kinds of looks whenever he would be self deprecating. </p><p>"And how do you know, if you haven't even spoken to him?" She said with bite in her tone and Kurt frowned a little.</p><p>"I d-don't want t-to t-talk about this a-a-anymore." he said as he could feel the stress begin to rise and his hand began to twitch in hers, but she completely ignored it and focused on his face.</p><p>"Uh uh, you are not getting out of this conversation Kurt Hummel. Am I not your best friend? Talk to me. Talk to us. We're not going to judge you." her hard look turned soft as she searched his face with her eyes. </p><p>He had always loved how she kept him in check and made him realize there were people out there who wouldn't treat him like he was broken. She would never do that.</p><p>"Kurt we love you too, and we are so glad that you are alive. You have no idea how much we've missed you." Tina said as she placed her hand around their joined ones and he sighed in defeat.</p><p>"...Blaine d-doesn't d-deserve this..." he whispered a little brokenly. </p><p>"And what is this?" Mercedes asked pointedly.</p><p>"Me. L-like this. I c-c-can't sp-speak properly, I c-can't walk p-p-properly....I c-can't keep c-control of m-my anger."</p><p>"And that is what they did to you, it's not who you are," Mercedes told him, a smile stretching her lips as he stared at her, "it's what you're going through. You will heal up and everything else will fall into place."</p><p>"i'm n-not sure it w-will g-g-get better. I'm t-t-tr-rying...but-"</p><p>"You can't get your old life back, so don't try that." She continued as Tina nodded from his other side, " But you have to live in this life now. This new one may be broken or damaged, but it's still precious. It's your life Kurt."</p><p>Kurt just stared at Mercedes with wonder.</p><p>"And you know, you always have a fabulous and fierce black woman on your side." She added with a wave of her hand and swishing her hair back.</p><p>Kurt snorted out a laugh as the girls giggled loudly.</p><p>"Thank you." He said softly as he squeezed both of their hands within his.</p><p>"You're welcome." They both said together, and in the same tone of voice which made Kurt look at them a little strangely and made them all laugh again.</p><p>"You know if Rachel had come with us, she would probably be belting out songs of overcoming adversity or something." Tina said after the giggles faded and Kurt groaned.</p><p>"Like that girl had to overcome anything in her life." Mercedes added with a huff and a pout.</p><p>Kurt smiled ruefully.</p><p>"I d-do not w-want anyone s-s-singing at me. It's n-not going to c-ch-change anything."</p><p>"Agreed." Mercedes said with a nod.</p><p>"So can you promise us that you will talk to Blaine?" Tina asked as she batted her eyelashes and Kurt rolled his eyes playfully at that.</p><p>"Because you should." Mercedes added, pointing a finger at him.</p><p>"Well...I g-guess I c-can. If h-h-he ever c-comes back."</p><p>"Are you kidding, that boy couldn't stay away. You two are like cheese and crackers. Always better together." </p><p>Kurt shook his head at that but couldn't help the small amused smile from lighting up his face.</p><p>"So tell me what's been going on out there while i've been stuck in here." He said, wanting to change the topic off of his boyfriend for now.</p><p>Mercedes and Tina exchanged a smile and then launched into an explanation of everything they had been doing sicne the summer started, and giving him updates on everyone from Glee club and how they were doing. Kurt listened intently for a little while but his mind drifted after about 10 minutes. He thought about what the girls had said about Blaine loving him...the him e was now.</p><p>He couldn't believe that. If Blaine really loved him, he would have been here. But then, would anyone want to be in the same house as someone who hit them? Of course not. Kurt himself wouldn't.</p><p>But Blaine was always a lot stronger than Kurt, so why hadn't he been back yet? What could be keeping him away?</p>
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